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Hang the wall on the gun

Scene: A towering glass and granite building located in Shangdi, suburban Beijing, the Silicon Valley of the capital city, not far from the comparatively puny corporate campuses of Google, Baidu, IBM, etc. The building top’s massive, fengshui-correct sculpture is only slightly obfuscated by the awkward bulk of the Beijing Sounds Studios name rendered in two languages and three scripts. Zoom in to the well-upholstered executive anteroom, where two young directors are waiting in front of the surprisingly realistic faux oak door of the executive suite. David is slouching, bored, on the sofa facing Syz’s office. James is pacing nervously.

James:
Damn I wish he’d let us smoke out here.
David: You trying to die younger? Looks like you’re about to have a coronary as it is.
James: You haven’t even asked me about my idea.
David: I don’t want to ruin the fun.
James: What the hell’s that supposed to mean?
David: Nothing except that it’s a lot more fun to listen to the old man rage about how asinine your idea is and try to piece together what it is from the snippets I hear through the door.
James: Give me a break. He’s going to go apeshit over this one, and you’re going to be spending your lunar new year splicing together low quality mp3s recorded at the grocery checkout while I’m discussing distribution rights and fending off the bean noodles [a reference to the Mandarin term fěnsī, 粉丝, roughly the equivalent of "groupies."]
David: Apeshit, huh? Just like he did for your chinadogshit.com idea?
James: Would you cut it out with the chinadogshit thing? The name was Xiǎoqū Fece and it definitely would’ve opened new doors.
David: You know what kind of doors they open for folks like you who hurt the feelings of the Chinese people?
James: [hurt] You said you liked it!
David: The general idea, sure — what’s not to like about walking around every neighborhood in Beijing photographing the leave-behinds of man’s best friend as his owner inevitably fails to clean up after him? — I love the idea. And the whole cash-prize-for-poop-picker-uppers thing? Hey, I’m cynical, but that was cool. The publicity department would’ve loved it too. But talk about a godawful name. Xiǎoqū and fece don’t even rhyme and anyway you can’t just take off the S. Are you illiterate?
James: [plaintively] I had other names.
David: Anyway, you know he doesn’t do pictures. How can you suggest something that has nothing but pictures?
James: [sighing] Whatever. He said he wanted business development ideas, I gave him business development ideas. I don’t want to be blamed when he runs out of money for the heated sidewalks he’s putting around the executive garage. Anyway, this one [shaking the paper in his hand] I emailed it to him yesterday. It’s right up his alley.
David: You’re going to mike him when he goes to the massage parlor?
James: We tried that, remember? [Getting more animated]. But seriously, listen to this: this is going to be the ultimate Beijing taxi driver conversation.
David: Haven’t we done Beijing Taxi to death? I mean, we’ve got the honest driver episode, the guy who loved silkworms, the why-would-anyone-leave-Beijing guy, the “Chinese characters suck” dude… I mean, how much more of this stuff can we sell, really?
James: You don’t get it. I’m talking about the quint-es-sential conversation. I mean, you’re a foreigner who speaks a bit of Mandarin — this post will have everything that could possibly get said: all in one conversation!
David: [sardonically] What do you mean, like Dashan and “what foreigners sound like when they speak Mandarin”?
James: Exactly! It’ll start out kind of low key, with the usual “wow your Chinese is really good“ after you’ve said nothing more than “nihao.” But then we’ll really get the driver rolling. I’ve got this foreign-blogger dude we can use as a plant. He’ll bait the conversation with random statements like “foreigners are oversexed, right?” But we can also use him just for his accent — really solid Beijing. And then I know this guy who could play the driver — dude, he’s unstoppable. He’ll take off with the foreigner’s accent and start talking about how he’s got the real Beijing accent and how lots of other cab drivers from the ‘burbs are just yokels. And he’ll do their accents — he’s got a great ear for this kind of thing — and I’ve got a tone mixup line to pull it all together.
David: Hate to say it, but I’m warmin’ up to it.
James: No, it’s even better! We’ll take that whole cab-drivers-learning-English-for-the-Olympics thing and run with it. This guy will throw out phrases in six different languages. We’ll even riff on the Korean “it’s all -imnida” thing. And of course we’re gonna do the old standby: “which is harder, English or Chinese?”
David: [Dubiously] All in one cab ride?
James:
It’s all about the players, dude. Get the right people and it’ll work. Just wait till you hear this guy I’ve got to play the driver — the boss himself would laugh! In fact, [gesturing towards door behind him] I’ve even got a cameo for the hanzismattering tin-ear himself –
[Syz opens door during last sentence]
Syz: [Interrupting loudly] Pretty soon we’re gonna have a cameo for you, Thurmer. Maybe you’ve heard about it. It’s in reruns in the US right now but we’ll make a new version. It’s called Downsized, the movie.
[throws a piece of paper towards James]
Syz: Utterly unrealistic. First you jam in more stuff than any conversation could possibly hold: Dashan, learning English vs. Chinese, taxi drivers learning languages. Okay, I’m sick already. Then you pull out this random shit like comparing Chinese languages to food coupons?!

What do I keep saying about reality here? REALITY!  Get it? Is it that hard to understand? And when I say, “the occasional reproduction” I mean occasional, dammit. Not feature length. How about you rewrite the Constitution five times in longhand and have it on my desk in the morning?
James: [stammering] But, Boss, it’s based on a true story.
Syz: [Turning to David and ignoring James] Beckland, you got something we can work with?
[Fade to black]
——  ——  ——
As any Beijing Sounds reader knows, “based on a true story” is usually code for “sentimental slop served with high fructose corn syrup and a liberal dash of glib analysis.” Thank Zhongnanhai the boss didn’t permit it. But just for the record, here’s that original:

[See this page for line-by-line playback of audio with the transcript below.]

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1 SJ Pǔtōnghuà shuōde bùcuò Your Mandarin’s not bad 普通话说得不错
2 LW1 Hái còuhe Passable. 还凑合
3 SJ Nǐ něiguóde? What country are you from? 你哪国的？
4 LW1 Měiguó de America 美国的
5 SJ Měiguó de a. Oh, America. 美国的啊。
6 SJ Pǔtōng wèir hái kěyǐ a That standard pronunciation’s pretty good. 你说的这味儿还可以啊
7 LW1 Zài Běijīng dāide shíjiān cháng Been in Beijing for a long time 在北京呆的时间长
8 SJ Dāi de shíjiān cháng? Kuài qī nián le? Stayed here for a long time? Almost seven years? 呆的时间长了？快7年了？
9 SJ Dà Shān shuōde cái zhèng ne, wèir cái zhèng ne. Dà Shān wèir shuōde zhèng. The way Dashan [Canadian Mark Rowswell] speaks, now *that* is proper pronunciation. Dashan has a really proper accent. 大山说的才正呢，味儿才正呢。大山味儿说的正。
10 SJ Tā nèige yě shì yīge Zhōngguó tōng. Zhīdào Dà Shān ma? Jiānádà nèige. That guy’s a real China hand. You know Dashan? That Canadian? 他那个是一个中国通。知道大山吗？加拿大那个。
11 SYZ Bùzhīdào. Shì shéi? No, who is he? 不知道。是谁？
12 SJ [xiào] Nǐ de Zhōngguóhuà shuōde hái kěyǐ. [laughing] Your Chinese is really okay. 【笑】你的中国话说的还可以。
13 SJ Nèi huí wǒ lāguò yīhuí Dà Shān. I picked up Dashan once. 那回我拉过一回大山。
14 LW1 Shì ma? Really? 是吗？
15 SJ Wǒ yī kàn tā shànglái, wǒ shuō āiyōu “nǐ shì Dà Shān ma?” Tā shuō, “Nǐ rènde wǒ a?” Wǒ shuō, “nà kěbushì ma!” As soon as I see him get in I say wow “are you Dashan?” He says, “You recognize me?” I say, “Well how couldn’t I!” 我一看他上来，我说哎呦“你是大山吗？”他说“你认得我啊？”我说“那可不是嘛！”
16 SJ Wǒ shuō nǐ tm zhǎo wàiguórén duō hǎo a. Wǒ shuō wàiguórén yào nǎr yǒu nǎr. Nǐ fēiděi tm zhǎo Zhōngguórén. Tā shuō wǒ xǐhuān dōng — Zhōngguó nǚde, jiùshi shòuxiǎo. I say why the hell didn’t you get yourself a foreigner (for a wife). I said foreigners have what you want where you want it. What the hell do you insist on a Chinese for? He says I like eastern — Chinese women, small and thin. 我说你他妈找外国人多好啊，我说外国人要哪儿有哪儿。你非得他妈的找中国人。他说我喜欢东，中国女的，就是瘦小。
17 SJ Tā shuō wǒ xǐhuān Zhōngguó nǚde. Tā shuō, gēmenr, nǐ bùzhīdào: wàiguórén pìgu tài dà. [xiào] He says “I like Chinese women.” He says, “Man, you have no idea: foreigners’ butts are too big.” [laughing] 他说我喜欢中国女的。他说哥们儿，你不知道：外国人屁股太大。【笑】
18 SJ Tā gēn wǒ shuōde, [bùqīngchu] wàiguórén pìgu tài dà. He says to me, [unclear] foreigners’ butts are too big. 他跟我说的【不清楚】外国人屁股太大。
19 LW1 Yángrén hěn sè. Westerners are pretty oversexed. 洋人很色。
20 SJ Zhǎole yīgè Zhōngguó xífur. Nà háiyòng shuō ya? Shéi tāmāde bù sè?! Got himself a Chinese wife. [responding to comment] What kind of talk is that? Who the hell’s not oversexed?! 找了一个中国媳妇儿。那还用说呀？谁他妈的不色呀？
21 LW1 Tā hái zhù zài zhèibian? Does he still live around here? 他还住在这边？
22 SJ Wǒ shuō nǐ méi shuō xiāngshēng a? Tā shuō méiyǒu, xiànzài zuò mǎimài ne. I say, “You’re not doing crosstalk?” He says no, now he’s doing business. 我说你没说相声啊？他说没有，现在做买卖呢 。
23 SJ Tǐng yǒu yìsi. Tā bù jiù zài nà diànshì lǐ, shì ba, diànshì guǎnggào. Diànshì – Really interesting. He’s really always on TV, right, TV ads, TV — 做生意呢。他不就在那电视里，在那儿，是吧，电视广告。电视——
24 SJ diànshì lǐ tā lǎo jiāo yīngyǔ, on TV he’s always teaching English, 电视里他老教英语，
25 LW1 a shì ma? oh really? 啊是吗？
26 SJ qì chē nèi guǎnggào [bùqīngchu] doing those car advertisements [unclear] 汽车那广告，不就是净，净【不清楚】
27 SJ Zhè shì Zhōngguórén zhīdao. Wàiguórén bìng bùrènshi tā. Chinese know about him. Foreigners don’t recognize him at all. 这是中国人知道。外国人并不认识他。
28 SYZ Bìng bù rènshì tā! They really don’t! 并不认识他
29 SJ Zhè shì nǐmen Zhōngguóren — zhè shì nǐmen wàiguórén zài Zhōngguó, a, nà shéi shuō nà shéi bù cuò… nǐmen zhīdao. You Chinese — I mean, you foreigners in China — well, who’s to say who’s hot and who’s not. 这是你们中国人，这是你们外国人在中国，啊啊，那谁说那谁不错。。你们知道
30 SJ Nǐ yào wèn Jiānādàrén, tā bùzhīdào. Tā shuō shéi shì Dàshān? Shéi jiào Dàshān, bùzhīdào. If you ask Canadians, they don’t know him. They’ll say, “who’s Dashan?” They have no idea who Dashan is. 你要问加拿大人，他不知道。他说谁是大山？谁叫大山，不知道。
31 SJ

32 SJ Zhōngguórén jiǎrú yǒu yīge zài Měiguó tè yǒu míngr, shéi tm bùzhīdào a. Zánmen lǎobǎixìng shéi zhīdào! Cào. For Chinese, if there’s a Chinese in America who’s really famous — who the hell knows’em? We regular guys have no idea! Shit. 就跟中国人，假如有一个在美国特有名儿，谁他妈知道啊。老百姓谁知道！操。
33 SJ Nà nǐ kàn nǐmen Měiguórén zài Zhōngguó yě tè nèi nèige shénmede, rénjiā Měiguórén bùzhīdào a. Shéi ràng nǐ zài Zhōngguó tm nème niú. [xiào] Then there’s you Americans in China, also some kind of special… — [know things that] other Americans don’t know. Who told you to get so goddamn hip in China? [laughing] 那你看你们美国人在中国也特那那个什么的，人家美国人不知道啊。谁让你在中国他妈那么牛？【笑】
34 SJ Tīngdedǒng a? Dōu tīngdedǒng a? Dōu shuōde tǐng bùcuò le. Zhōngguó huà dōu shuōde hěnhǎo. You understand [what I'm saying]? You understand everything? Really not bad, you all really speak Chinese pretty well. 听的懂啊？都听的懂啊？都说得挺不错的。中国话都说得很好。
35 LW1 Zài Zhōngguó dāide shíjiān cháng le. Been in China for a long time. 在中国呆的时间长了。
36 SJ A dāide shíjiān chángle. Oh, been here a long time. 啊，呆的时间长了。
37 SJ Wǒ shì zhèngjīng(r) Běijīngrén, chénglǐde. I’m a proper Beijinger, from the city itself. 我是正经（儿）北京人，城里的。
38 LW1 a — chénglǐde Uh-huh 啊——城里的
39 SJ Wǒ shì chénglǐ rén. I’m from the city center. 我是城里人。
40 SYZ wei — chūzūchē nèige – But — taxi, uh — 喂，出租车那个——
41 SJ Hǎo duō chūzū dōu shì yuǎnjiāoqū nóngmín, dōu shì yuǎnjiāoqū ma. A lot of taxi [drivers] are farmers from the outer districts — they’re all from outer districts. 好多出租都是远郊区农民，都是远郊区嘛。
42 SJ Wǒ shuō huà wèir zhèng, méiyǒu kǒuyīn, zhīdào ba. Tāmen yǒu de shuō huà yǒu kǒuyīn, wǒ méi kǒuyīn. I speak the language with an authentic flavor, no accent you know. They speak with an accent; I don’t have an accent. 我说话味儿正，没有口音，知道吧 ？他们有的说话有口音，我没口音。
43 SJ duì, Mìyún, Yánqìng, Pínggǔ de — tā shuō huà zhèi wèir gēn wǒmen wèir bùyíyàng. Right, these Miyun, Yanqing, Pinggu [all distant districts that are still technically "Beijing"] folks — the flavor of their accent’s not the same as ours. 对，密云、延庆、平谷的，他说话这味儿跟我们味儿不一样。
44 LW1 Shì ma? Bù zhèng. Really? Not standard. 是吗？不正。
45 SJ Ā duì duì duì, wèir wèir wèir bù neme — Běijīnghuà wèir bù neme zhèng Right, right, right — the flavor’s not that — the Beijing dialect flavor’s not that standard. 啊对对对，味儿味儿味儿不那么——北京话味儿不那么正。
46 SJ Hái jiǎrú shuō ba: “hē tāng”, shìba? Huòzhe shuō: “lái wǎn tāng”. Take the phrase “eat soup [tāng]” for example. Or “bring me a bowl of soup.” 咱假如说吧：“喝汤”，是吧？或者说：“来碗汤”
47 SJ Tāmen Pīnggǔde jiùshi, a, Yánqìngde, tā jiǎnghuà: “chéng táng a! chéng táng a!” These Pinggu or Yanqing folks, they say: “serve me some sugar!” [táng is "sugar" as opposed to tāng, which is "soup"] 他们平谷的就是，啊，延庆的，他讲话：“盛汤táng啊！盛汤táng啊！”
48 SJ Nèi yìsi jiùshi “chéng wǎn tāng”. Tā guǎn “tāng” jiù jiào “táng”, shuō “chéng táng a!” jiùshi “chéngtáng” jiùshi “chéng wǎn tāng”! They really mean “serve me some soup”. They call it “sugar” instead of “soup”. They say “serve me some sugar, serve sugar!” which is supposed to be “serve a bowl of soup”! 那意思就是“盛碗汤”。他管“汤”就叫“táng”，说“盛汤táng啊！”就是“盛汤táng”就是“盛碗汤”
49 LW1 Jiùshi shēngdiào dōu biàn le. So really the tone completely changes. 就是声调都变了
50 SJ A, duì duì — wèir — bùshì — tā de wèir dōu biànle. “Chéng táng a?” Tā nème ge yīn. Yeah, exactly — the flavor, uh, his accent changes it. “Serve sugar?” He has this kind of pronunciation. 啊对对——味儿——不是——他的味儿都变了。“盛汤啊？”他那么个音。
51 SJ Pínggǔ shuōhuà shénme ya? Tā yīshēng yīnfu gen èrshēng yīnfu bù fēn What does a Pinggu speaker say? They can’t distinguish a first tone from a second tone. 平谷说话什么呀？他一声音符跟二声音符不分
52 SJ Yīshēngyīn zán — jiǎrú shénme ya — shénme nèige, yīshēngyīn, èrshēngyīn, sānshēngyīn, sìshēngyīn First tone — for example — well, first tone, second tone, third tone, fourth tone — 一声音咱，假如什么呀，什么那个，一声音，二声音，三声音，四声音——
53 SJ Jiǎrú shì ba, jiù gēn nèi Zhōngguó de “zhōng” zì a — zhōng, zhóng, zhǒng zhòng — tā yīshēngyīn gēn èrshēngyīn tā bù fēn. like, think about the Chinese character zhōng — zhōng, zhóng, zhǒng zhòng — they can’t differentiate the first and second tones. 假如是吧，就跟那中国的中字啊——zhōng, zhóng, zhǒng zhòng——他一声音跟二声音他不分。
54 SJ Wǒmen chénglǐrén jiù shuō: “bǎ qiāng guà qiáng shàng.” We city people might say: “hang the gun [qiāng] on the wall [qiáng].” 我们城里人就说：“把枪挂墙上“，就把枪啊挂墙上。
55 SJ Tā wèir ne jiù biàn le. Tā bǎ qiáng guà qiáng shang — tā bǎ qiáng guà qiāng shang. In their accent it changes. They hang the wall [qiáng] on the gun [qiāng] — they hang the wall on the gun. 他味儿呢就变了。他把墙挂枪上——他把墙挂枪上。
56 SJ Nèi yìsi jiùshì — tā wèir tā jiù chūlái le. Nà, nèi yìsi jiùshi Pínggǔ wèir, shìbushì, zánmen chénglǐrén shuō “ei bǎ qiāng guà qiáng shang.” That means — their accent just comes out like this. Then, well that’s just the Pinggu accent, you know, we city folks say “hey, hang the gun on the wall.” 那意思就是——他味儿它就出来了。那，那意思就是平谷味儿，是不是，咱们城里人说：“诶，把枪挂墙上”。
57 SJ Bǎ zhèi qiāng a, ná shǒuqiāng(r) guà qiáng shang. Tā ne jiùshi bǎ qiáng guà qiāng shang! Tā liǎng yīn bù fēn. “Take this pistol and hang it on the wall.” But they go: “hang the wall on the gun!” They don’t distinguish the two sounds. 把这枪啊，拿手枪（儿）挂墙上。他呢就是把墙挂枪上！他俩音不分。
58 SJ Zhèi wèir dōu chūlái le [xiào] The accent comes out like this [laughing] 这味儿就出来了【笑】
59 SJ Jiùshi yǒu yīdiǎnr yìsi [xiào] It’s all just for fun [laughing] 他听着有点儿意思【笑】
60 SJ O(r)K OK OK
61 LW1 O-le Okay [using it as it's borrowed into Mandarin] O 了
62 SJ Ei — “hola” nǐhǎo, Xībānyá Hey, “hola” is “nihao” in Spanish… 诶——“hola” 你好，西班牙
63 LW1 A duì: “hola” Oh, right, “hola.” 啊对：hola
64 SJ “hola” nǐhǎo Xībānyá “hola” — “nihao” in Spanish. “hola” 你好，西班牙
65 LW1 Nár xuěde? Where did you learn it? 哪儿学的？
66 SJ A? Huh? 啊？
67 LW1 Jiùshi shénme shíhòu xuéde shì qùnián … àoyùnhuì? I mean, when did you learn it? Last year … the olympics? 就是什么时候学的？是去年…奥运会？
68 SJ Àoyùnhuì? Àoyùnhuì bùxué zhèige? Àoyùn yào xué Yīngyǔ. The Olympics? For the Olympics we didn’t study this we studied English. 奥运会？奥运会不学这个，奥运会要学英语。
69 SJ [Yīngyǔ] [speaking English] Hello, do you want a taxi? Where are you going? 【英语】
70 SYZ Zhēn bùcuò ba! Really not bad! 真不错吧！
71 SJ [Yīngyǔ] Nǐ yào qù nǎr? [Yīngyǔ] Where are you going? [then translates into Mandarin] Thank you very much. How are you. 【英语】“你要去哪儿”【英语】
72 SYZ Háiyǒu shénme? What else do you have? 还有什么？
73 LW1 Ránhòu zhèi zhèi Xībānyáyǔ ne? Then what about that Spanish? 然后这这西班牙语呢？
74 SJ Xībānyá zhèi jǐ jù: “hola” nǐhǎo “gracias” xièxie “adios” báibái — zàijiàn. Spanish just a few phrases: “hola”, hello; “gracias”, thanks; “adios”, bye-bye. 西班牙就几句：”hola” 你好 “gracias” 谢谢 “adios” 拜拜，再见。
75 SJ “adios”, duì ba? “Adios”, right? Adios, 对吧
76 LW1 adios adios adios
77 SJ AdiosDéguóhuà shì “Guten Tag” “Adios” In German there’s “Guten Tag” Adios德国话是（”Guten Tag”）
78 SYZ Wà, wà, tài… Wow, that’s really… 哇！哇！太。。。
79 SJ “Danke” xièxie, “Tschüss” báibái, “Tschüss” zàijiàn. “Danke” thanks, “Tschüss” bye-bye, “Tschüss” good-bye. “单克”谢谢，“具思”拜拜，“具思”再见
80 SYZ Zhēn lìhai! Awesome! 真厉害！
81 SJ Déguóhuà shìbushì? “Bitte” bùkèqì, fǎguó shì, “Salut!” nǐhǎo, “Bonjour, où vas tu? Bonjour” nǐhǎo, “Bonjour, où vas tu?” nǐhǎo qù nǎr, “Merci” xièxie. In German, right? “Bitte” is “you’re welcome”. In French there’s “Salut!” — hello. “Bonjour, où vas tu? Bonjour” — hello, where are you going? “Merci” — thank you. 德国话是不是？比特”Bitte”不客气，法国是，撒率”Salut!”你好，”Bonjour, où vas tu? Bonjour”你好”Bonjour, où vas tu?”你好，去哪儿？”Merci” 谢谢！
82 SJ Ng, “Au revoir” [ōuwàng] báibái, “ōuwàng” zàijiàn. Uh, “Au revoir” bye-bye, “au revoir” good-bye. 嗯，欧旺拜拜，欧旺，法语
83 LW2 Háiyǒu shénme yǔyán a? Any other languages? 还有什么语呀？
84 SJ Rìběnhuà: “konnichiwa, arigato gozaimasu” Shì ba? “Sayonara.” Japanese: “konnichiwa, arigato gozaimasu” Right? “Sayonara.” 日本话，”konnichiwa, arigato gozaimasu”，是吧？”Sayonara.”
85 LW1 Nǐ kāishǐ shì zěnme xuéde? Shì zìjǐ àihǎode? How did you start learning? Just something you’ve got an interest in? 你开始是怎么学的？是自己爱好的？
86 SJ Méiyǒu. Lā wàiguórén tā jiāo gěi wǒ de… jiāo gěi wǒ de. No. Foreigners I picked up just taught me. 没有，拉外国人他教给我的。。教给我的
87 SYZ Wa! Wow! 哇！
88 SJ Hánguóhuà: “annyeonghaseyo” In Korean: “annyeonghaseyo” 韩国话：”annyeonghaseyo”
89 SYZ Amazing, really great. Wāsāi, tài bàng le! 哇塞，太棒了！
90 SJ “Gomapseumnida, annyeonghikaseyo.” Hánguóhuà hǎoxué. Zhōngguó… “Gomapseumnida, annyeonghikaseyo.” Korean is easy to learn. Chinese… “Gomapseumnida, annyeonghikaseyo.” 韩国话好学。中国。。
91 SYZ Hǎoxué? Easy to learn? 好学？
92 LW1 Hánwén hǎoxué, jiùshì tā wénzì… Korean is easy — their writing system… 韩文好学，就是他的文字。。。
93 SJ Tā, Hánguóhuà jiùshi shénmeya? Dōu shì shénme shénme jiù “seumnida” (xiàoshēng) They — in Korean it’s like, it’s all something something “seumnida” [which is a Korean verb ending] (laughing) 他，韩国话就是什么呀，都是什么什么就思密达（笑声）
94 SJ Nǐ, nǐ jìzhu qiánbiānr le jiù “seumnida” You remember the beginning and just “seumnida” 你，你记住前边了就思密达
95 SJ Rìběnhuà ne, dōu shénme shénme “mashida” In Japanese it’s “something something mashida.” 日本话呢，都是什么什么马西达
96 SJ Hánguóhuà nèi bùshì shuō le ma, qián gūlu hòu gūlu, gūlu gūlu “seumnida”. In Korean — guess I said this already — it’s front wheel back wheel wheel wheel “seumnida”. [Mandarin uses gūlù in a way that English might use "blah blah" or a nonsense syllable for language you don't understand.] 韩国话那不是说了吗，前轱辘后轱辘，轱辘轱辘思密达（笑声）
97 SJ Qián gūlu hòu gūlu, gūlu gūlu “seumnida” Front wheel back wheel wheel wheel “seumnida”. 前轱辘后轱辘，轱辘轱辘思密达
98 SJ Rìběn huà ne, qián gūlu bùzhuàn hòu gūlu zhuàn, gūlu gūlu “mashida.” (xiàoshēng) In Japanese, well, the front wheel doesn’t turn, the back wheel turns: wheel wheel “mashida” (laughing) 日本话呢，前轱辘不转后轱辘转，轱辘轱辘马西达（笑声）
99 SJ Tǐnghǎo wánr ba? Pretty fun, huh? 挺好玩吧？
100 SYZ Tǐnghǎo wánr. Really fun. 挺好玩
101 LW1 Tā hái xuéguo zhèige, zhèige… He’s even learned this, this … 他还学过这个，这个
102 SJ Jiù gēn wàiguórén shuō Zhōngguó shì de, nǐhǎo, xièxiè, zàijiàn (xiàoshēng) Just like the way foreigners speak Chinese [singsongy voice]: “nihao, xiexie, zaijian” [hello, thank you, good-bye] (laughing) 就跟外国人说中国似的，你好，谢谢，再见（笑声）
103 SJ Ai, jiùshi jiǎndān de jiùshi wàiguóhuà, nèshíhòu, wàiguórén, wàiguórén nèi “nihao, xiexie, zaijian” Oh, this is just that kind of simple foreign speech. Foreigners go [again singsongy with wrong tones]: “nihao, xiexie, zaijian.” 哎，就是简单的就是外国话，那时候，外国人外国人那你好，谢谢，再见
104 SJ Nǐmen měiguó nèi nǚde jiào, ai, qīn’àide, YES en YES en (xiàoshēng) Your American women say, “Yes dear, yes, uh-huh, Yes, uh-huh.” 你们美国那女的叫，唉，亲爱的，YES，嗯，YES，嗯（笑声）
105 SJ Shìbushi lǎowài nèi nǚde lǎo: enheng, enheng Right? Foreign women are always going “uh-huh, uh-huh” 是不是老外那女的老，嗯哼，嗯哼
106 SJ “Ya!” Déguóhuà, “ya!” Fǎguó “wèi” “Ja!” In German it’s “ja.” In French, “Oui” 呀，德国话，呀，法国，喂
107 SJ Měiguó “YES”, Zhōngguó, “Duì!” In America it’s “yes!” In China, “Right!” 美国，YES，中国，对（笑声）
108 SJ Duì duì duì. Rìběnrén, Rìběnrén jiào “sou sou sou, sou sou sou.” Zhōngguórén jiù “duì duì duì.” — “Hai! Hai! yaoxi” hǎo. “Duì duì duì” [right right right]. The Japanese say “sou sou sou, sou sou sou.” Chinese go “duì duì duì.” — “Hai! Hai! yaoxi[?]” means “good”. 对对对，日本人，日本人叫嗖嗖嗖，嗖嗖嗖，中国人就对对对。嗨，嗨，要西，好，要西
109 LW2 Guǎngdōnghuà ne? How about in Cantonese? 广东话呢？
110 SJ Guǎngdōnghuà a? Guǎngdōnghuà jiùshi jiǎndān de. Cantonese? Cantonese is simple. 广东话啊？广东话就是简单的
111 LW2 Leihou? “Leihou” [Hello in Cantonese -- or should this be an N?!] 你好（广东话）
112 SJ Leihou-a, nǐhǎo-a, xiǎojiě wánrwanr (xiàoshēng) Leihou, nihao, come have some fun with some girls (laughing) 你好啊（广东话），你好啊，小姐玩玩啦（笑声）
113 SJ Guǎngdōnghuà, yǒushíhòu tāmen shuō, yào shuō, jiù tīngbudǒng jiùshi, yàoshuō, dāngdìrén jiù tīngbudǒng le. Cantonese, if they speak, if it’s the locals speaking you won’t understand. 广东话，有时候他们说，要说，就听不懂就是，要说，当地人就听不懂了
114 SYZ Nà, nèige Fú – Then what about the Fu – 那那个。。福——
115 SJ Tā xuéde zhǔyào shì zhǐyǒu wǒmen pǔtōnghuà, hǎoxuéde zhǐyǒu wǒmen pǔtōnghuà. The key thing is that they’ve studied standard Mandarin [pǔtōnghuà = 普通话], the best thing to learn is just standard Mandarin. 他学的主要是只有我们普通话，好学的只有我们普通话
116 SYZ En… bǐrú shuō nèige Fújiànhuà Oh… what about that Fujian [Hokkien, part of Mǐn, 闽 family] language? 嗯。。比如说那个福建话
117 SJ Fújiàn? A, Fújiàn nà nà jiùshi Guǎngdōng nèi yībiānr de, zánmen jiùshi shuō a. Fujian? Oh, Fujian that’s — that’s just like that Cantonese we’re talking about. 福建？啊，福建那那就是广东那一边的，咱们就是说啊
118 SYZ O, chàbuduō Oh, they’re about the same. 哦，差不多
119 SJ Tā yàobu shuō pǔtōnghuà nǐ tīngbudǒng, tā yào shuō dāngdì kǒuyīn… If they don’t speak standard Mandarin you can’t understand. If they speak their local dialect [lit. local "accent" = kǒuyīn = 口音]… 他要不说普通话你听不懂，他要说当地口音。。
120 SJ Hai, Zhōngguó tm 56 gè mínzú ne, gēn Měiguó shì de, nǐmen nàr hǎoduō duōshǎo zhōu ne. Nà dāngdì tm shuōhuà nà dōu shì tīngbudǒng. Nánfāng shuōhuà wǒmen dōu tīngbudǒng. Tāmen shuō dāngdì kǒuyīn. Tā dào Běifāng… Hey, China’s damn 56 ethnicities are like those American, your so many American states. If the locals speak their damn way, then no one can understand. When Southerners speak we can’t understand. They speak with their local accent. When they come to Beijing… 嗨，中国他妈56个民族呢，跟美国似的，你们那儿好多多少多少州呢。那当地他妈说话那都是听不懂，南方说话我们都听不懂，他们说当地口音。他到北方。。。
121 LW1 Jiùshi, yǒushíhòu lián tāmen pǔtōnghuà wǒ yě tīngbudǒng. Jiùshi, (bùqīngchu) kǒuyīn hěn nóng. Right, sometimes even when they speak standard Mandarin I can’t understand. Their accent is really thick. 就是，有时候连他们普通话我也听不懂。就是，（不清楚）口音很浓
122 SJ Tāmen pǔtōnghuà, tā, o, duìduì, o, duìduìduìduì, tāmen shuō ne, tā yě xué pǔtōnghuà. Their standard Mandarin — oh, right, right — when they speak — they’re also learning standard Mandarin. 他普通话，他，哦，对对，哦，对对对对，他说呢，他也学普通话
123 SJ Tā shuō tā yě xué nèige pǔtōnghuà, xiànzài yàobu jiùshi quánguó jiùshi tǒngyī, quánguó nèige, nèige, jiùshi bìxū nèige yāoqiú shuō pǔtōnghuà ma. They speak — they’re also learning standard Mandarin. Now since the whole country is united, the whole country, well, well, everyone just has to — there’s the requirement to learn standard Mandarin. 他说他也学那个普通话，现在要不就是全国就是统一，全国那个那个就是必须那个要求说普通话吗
124 SJ Jiù gēn quán shìjiè shuō yīngyǔ shìde, shuō yīngyǔ, dōu yòng yīngyǔ, bù jiù dàhuǒr dōu néng tīngdedǒng? Shìbushì? It’s just like the whole world speaking English, using English. This way everybody can understand, right? 就跟全世界说英语似的，说英语，都用英语，不就大伙儿都能听得懂？是不是？
125 SJ “Yes” “Yes” YES
126 LW1 Yǐqián bùshì, lǎoyǒu nèixiē hǎibào a? Jiùshi “Shuō hǎo pǔtōnghuà, fāngbiàn nǐ wǒ tā.” For a while didn’t they always have those posters? They were “Speak good standard Mandarin, it’s convenient for everyone.” 以前不是，老有那些海报啊，就是说好普通话，方便你我他
127 SJ A, duìduìduì… Tā nèishì zhǐde shì Zhōngguó, zhěnggè yī Zhōngguó mínzú, wǎng wài quán tōngtōng de yòng — cào Rìběnhuà le tōngtōng de — jiùshi zhěnggè quán yòng pǔtōnghuà, jiù gēn yuánlái Zhōngguó yòng de liángpiàor shìde. Oh, right right. Those are just directing all of China, all of China’s ethnic groups, when speaking to others, to completely use — shit, that’s like the Japanese “completely” — I mean for everyone to use standard Mandarin, just like those food coupons. [Consultant says: tōngtōng is a phrase from Chinese movies in which Japanese soldiers of WWII say lines such as "completely obliterate the population" -- so taxi driver is taken aback by his own usage.] 啊，对对对。。他那是指的是中国，整个一中国的民族，往外全通通的用。。操，通通的了，日本话了，通通的。就是整个全用普通话，就跟原来中国用的粮票似的。
128 SJ Yǒu dìfāng liángpiàor, Běijīngshì liángpiàor, yǒu wàidì liángpiàor, Shànghǎi de, tāmāde, Fújiàn de, nà dāngdì liángpiàor, wánle, tōngtōng yǒu yīgè shì quánguó tōngyòng liángpiàor. There were regional food coupons, Beijing city coupons, there were rural coupons, ones for Shanghai, hell, Fujian ones, and then local coupons, and then overall there was a universal coupon for the entire country. 有地方粮票，北京市粮票，有外地粮票，上海的，他妈的，福建的，那当地粮票，完了，通通有一个是全国通用粮票。
129 SJ Jiùshi nǎr, jiù gēn tm shìjiè tōngyòng yǔ shì yīngyǔ shìde. Just like what — just like the whole damn world’s universal language is English. 就跟哪儿，就跟他妈世界通用语是英语似的
130 LW1 O, duì. Oh, right. 哦，对
131 LW1 Qíshí, tā pǔtōnghuà yě xiànzài yīnggāi shì Zhōngguó dà bùfen de gōngmín dōu dōu huì ba? But really, isn’t standard Mandarin spoken by pretty much all the residents of China now? 其实他普通话也现在应该是中国大部分的公民都都会吧？
132 SJ O, bù, pǔtōnghuà jīběn, o o, xiànzài jīběn dōu, nèi shénme xiànzài niánqīng, xiànzài nèixiē xiǎohár, xiàng gāng shàngxué de, xiàng wài, xiàng wàidì de, dāngdì de, bìxū pǔtōnghuà, bìxū ràng tāmen xué pǔtōnghuà. Oh, uh, standard Mandarin’s fundamentally now — well, all the young people now, all the kids now, like those who just started school, like rural kids — standard Mandarin is required, you have to make them study standard Mandarin. 噢，不，普通话基本，哦哦，现在基本都，那什么现在年轻，现在那些小孩儿，像刚上学的，像外，像外地的，当地的，必须普通话，必须让他们学普通话
133 LW1 Fǎnzhèng yě shì kànzhe diànshì zhǎng dà de, suǒyǐ, xiǎohái kànde dōu shì pǔtōnghuà de jiémù. Anyway, they’re all growing up watching TV, so the kids are all watching programs in Mandarin. 反正也是看着电视长大的，所以，小孩看的都是普通话的节目
134 SJ Xiànzài jiù, xiànzài jīběn jiù yāoqiú pǔtōnghuà. Wǒ huì nèi jǐjù yě jiùshi lā tāmen jiāo gěi wǒ de, ràng tāmen jiāo wǒ jǐ jù. Now — now basically standard Mandarin is required. The reason I can say those few sentences is just from having the people I drive (the foreigners) teach me. 现在就，现在基本就要求普通话。我会那几句也就是拉他们教给我的，让他们教我几句
135 SYZ Duì duì, xuéde… hái zhēn bùcuò… Yeah, you’ve learned it pretty well. 对对，学得。。。还真不错。。
136 LW1 Xuéde (bùqīngchu) hái zhēn bùcuò. You’ve learned it pretty well. 学得（不清楚）还真不错
137 SJ Jiǎndān de jǐ jù, jiǎndān de jǐ jù, yǒu shénme bùcuò ya, jiǎndān de jǐ jù. Really simple stuff, just a few simple sentences — nothing “pretty well” about that — just simple sentences. 简单的几句，简单的几句，有什么不错呀，简单的几句
138 LW1 Jiùshi shuō, jiùshi lián fāyīn yě bùcuò, ránhòu, qíshí yīngyǔ de fāyīn hěn nán. I’m just saying your pronunciation’s pretty good, and actually English pronciation is pretty hard. 就是说，就是连发音也不错，然后，其实英语的发音很难
139 SJ Yīngyǔ? Dōu shuō Yīngyǔ hǎo xué, shuō Hànyǔ bù hǎo xué, bùshì shuō? Shuō Zhōngwén bùhǎo xué, lǎowài dōu shuō. English? They all say English is easy to learn, they say Mandarin is hard to learn, don’t they? They say Chinese is hard to learn, all the foreigners do. 英语？都说英语好学，说汉语不好学，不是说？说中文不好学，老外都说
140 LW1 Qíshí wǒ háishì juéde tǐnghǎo xuéde. Actually I still think it’s pretty easy to learn. 其实我还是觉得挺好学的
141 SJ Zhōngwén hǎo xué? Kěshì yǒu wàiguórén tā yǒude shuō Zhōngwén bù hǎo xué zěnme shuō de? Yīngyǔ hǎo xué. Chinese is easy to learn? But don’t some foreigners say it’s hard to learn? [They say] English is easy to learn. 中文好学？可是有外国人他有的说中文不好学怎么说的？英语好学
142 SJ Tāmen yǒu de shuō Yīngyǔ hǎo xué. Yě bù hǎo xué a? Some of them say English is easy to learn. So it isn’t? 他们有的说英语好学。也不好学啊？
143 LW1 Nà yě bújiànde… Jiùshi zěnme shuō ne, nǐ yàoshi xué Yīngyǔ, nǐ xué yīge, nǐ xué yīge jīchǔ hěn róngyì. Well, not necessarily. It’s just, well how to put it — if you learn English you learn the fundamentals and it’s pretty easy. 那也不见得。。就是怎么说呢，你要是学英语，你学一个，你学一个基础很容易
144 LW1 Jiùshi yīnwèi bìjìng shì yǒu zìmù ma, yǒu hànzì, suǒyǐ nǐ gāng kāishǐ xuéde shíhòu kěnéng gǎnjué hěn róngyì, kěshì nín yòu… Well because after all in subtitles there are Chinese characters, so when you first start studying maybe you think it’s really easy. But then you… 就是因为毕竟是有字幕嘛，有汉字，所以你刚开始学的时候可能感觉很容易，可是您又。。。
145 SJ Wǒmen nèi háizi, wǒmen nèi háizi tm xué Yīngyǔ dōu bùxíng… Our kid — our kid’s English studies are no damn good… 我们那孩子，我们那孩子他妈学英语就不行。。
146 LW1 Shì ma? Really? 是吗
147 SJ A, Yīngyǔ lǎo tm bù guòguān, lián tm sì jí dōu méi guò, cào. Yeah he can’t pass the frickin’ English test, not even the frickin’ fourth level. Shit. 啊，英语老他妈不过关，连他妈4级都没过，操
148 LW1 Shì bùkěn xué le, háishì juéde… Is it that he’s not willing to study, or he thinks… 是不肯学了，还是觉得。。
149 SJ Shéi zhīdào, bù bù, tā xué, tā xué bùhǎo, tā jiù, bùshì dàxué bìxū yǒu sì jí ma? Yǒu sì jí, liù jí, bā jí. Who knows — no, no, he just doesn’t study well, he just — don’t you have to reach level 4 in college? There’s level 4, level 6, level 8. 谁知道，不不，他学，他学不好，他就，不是大学必须有四级吗？有4级6级8级
150 LW1 Zhèi (bùqīngchu) ba, fǎnzhèng yě shì bìxiūkè. Wǒ, wǒ xiǎode shíhòu shàngxué, jiùshi shénme shùxué kè, wǒ dōu bù guòguān. This… well, anyway, it’s a required class. When I was a kid going to school I just couldn’t get through any of the math classes. 这（不清楚）吧，反正也是必修课。我，我小时候上学，就是什么数学课，我都不过关
151 SJ Dōu guòguān? Could get through them all? 都过关？
152 LW1 Dōu bù jígé. Could not pass them. 都不及格
153 SJ O, dōu bù jígé a. Nà, nà xiànzài xiànzài zěnme zěnme, xiànzài nèi nèige suàn zěnmeyàng? Oh, couldn’t pass them, huh. Then, then — does that make any difference now? 哦，都不及格啊。那，那现在现在怎么怎么，现在那那算怎么样？
154 SJ Zhèshì lái Zhōngguó lái Zhōngguó gōngzuò háishì xuéxí de ma? Did you come to China to work or to study? 这是来中国来中国工作还是学习的吗？
155 LW1 Nà wǒ zài Měiguó shàng dàxué ma, shàngwán dàxué jiù, jiù pǎo… Well I was in America for college, right, then when I finished I just came… 那我在美国上大学嘛，上完大学就，就跑。。
156 SJ Nǐ bù jígé(r!) hái néng shàng dàxué ne? You couldn’t pass (math) but you still went to college? 你不及格还能上大学呢？
157 LW1 En… jīběn shàng kěyǐ, kěshì zhèxiē dàxué… Uh, well, basically it’s okay — but these colleges… 哦。。基本上可以，可是这些大学。。。
158 SJ Zhōngguó nèiyàng, Zhōngguó nèi shénme, Zhōngguó nǐ yàoshi bù jígé nǐ nǎr shàngdeliáo tm dàxué ya?! China’s like — in China if you can’t pass how are you ever going to get to go to college? 中国那样，中国那什么，中国你要是不及格你哪上得了他妈大学呀？
159 SJ Nǐ dōu bù jígé nǐ shàng shénme dàxué ya? If you can’t pass what college do you think you’re going to? 你都不及格你上什么大学呀？
160 LW1 Nǐ zhè wèntí jiùshi fǎnzheng shì yīmén bìxiū kè, suǒyǐ bù xǐhuān kěnéng zìjǐ shì tiānshēng méiyǒu zhèige, jiùshi méiyǒu zhèixiē nénglì… Anyway, the issue is still that it’s a required class, so if you don’t like it, or you just aren’t born with it, you don’t have this ability… 你这问题就是反正是一门必修课，所以不喜欢可能自己就是天生没有这一个，就是没有这些能力
161 SJ Yuánlái guòqù Zhōngguó bù zhòngshì nèi yīngyǔ, xiànzài zhòngshì le. In the past China didn’t put emphasis on English. Now they’ve started to emphasize it. 原来过去中国不重视那英语，现在重视了
162 LW1 Duì.
对
163 SJ Yuánlái guòqù dōu bù zhòngshì. In the past, they really didn’t emphasize it. 原来过去都不重视
164 LW1 Jiùshì bā jǐ nián hòu… Just since sometime in the ’80s. 就是八几年后。。
165 SJ ai, jiùshi gǎigékāifàng kāifáng yǐhòu wánle zhòngshì, zhùzhòng nèige xuélì. Right, after the reform and opening up they started emphasizing it, emphasizing this kind of educational background. 哎，就是改革开放以后完了重视，注重英语，注重那个学历
166 SJ Guòqù, guòqù bù zhòng, bù zhòngshì zhège dōu. In the past they didn’t emphasize this. 过去，过去不重，不重视这个都
167 SJ Máo Zédōng nèi niándài bù zhòngshì zhège. In the Mao Zedong era it wasn’t emphasized. 毛泽东那年代不重视这个
168 SJ Máo Zédōng rénjiā, Máo Zédōng niándài jiùshi: rén duō lìliang dà! Mao Zedong, that guy — in the Mao Zedong era it was: “more people more strength!” 毛泽东人家，毛泽东年代就是人多力量大
169 SJ Rén duō lìliang dà, zhīdao zhège yìsi ba? “More people more strength” — you know what that means, right? 人多力量大，知道这个意思吧？
170 LW1 En, zhīdao. Yeah. 嗯，知道
171 SJ Nèi yìsi jiùshi shuō: Nǐ dǎzhàng bù shì? Nǐ yīgè rén, wǒ shíge rén dǎ nǐ yī rénr That’s just a way of saying: let’s say you’re fighting; you’re one guy but I’ve got 10 guys fighting your one guy. 那意思就是说。。你打仗不是？你一人，我十个人打你一人儿
172 SJ Duìbuduì? Yī gēnr kuàizi hǎo juē, yī bǎ kuàizi bù hǎo juē le! (xiàoshēng) Right? One chopstick is easy to break, but it’s not easy to break a handful! (laughing) 对不对？一根筷子好撅，一把筷子你就不好撅了，（笑声）
173 SJ Zhōngguó yǒu de shì rén (xiàoshēng) China has a lot of people (laughing) 中国有的是人（笑声）
174 SJ Dàochù duōshǎo rén, Zhōngguó. People, people everywhere in China. 到处多少人，中国
175 SJ “Sayonara.” O, bùshì! Baibai, baibai… “Sayonara.” Oh, no! Bye-bye, bye-bye… 撒由那拉，哦不是，拜拜，拜拜。。。。
176 SYZ Ha ha. Baibai, xièxie a. Ha ha. Bye-bye. Thanks. 哈哈。。拜拜，谢谢啊
177 SJ Ai, bùkèqi, zàijiàn. Oh, you’re welcome. Good-bye. 哎，不客气再见啊

Translation of colorful language

The aim in the above translation is for a native (American) English style, preserving roughly the same degree of coarseness that one would get from the original language — no more no less.

So what’s the framework for this? If you were showing it to corporate America, maybe the powerpoint would have a graphic like this:

Without repercussions, you could use
(term) in (situation)

Situation a job interview a moderately formal business meeting a casual  conversation with a person you don’t know well, but don’t need to impress a jocular conversation with your buddy, or a fellow politician solitary confinement talking to the prison guard
English terms heck
heavens to Betsy		 hell, frickin’ damn
shit		 fuck
fuck you
motherfucker(?)
fuck yourself		 fuck your mother
Mandarin terms tāmāde/他妈的
cào/操		 càonǐmā/操你妈

Detailed instructions: Use with caution. Try first in an inconspicuous location. Your results may vary [e.g. by context, age, social group, gender, etc.]

Note literal translations…

  • tāmāde / 他妈的 — “his mother’s”
  • cào/操 — “fuck”
  • càonǐmā/操你妈 — “fuck your mother”

… then note tension between literal translation and situational appropriateness.

As the chart shows, in the translation team’s degree-of-coarseness estimation, “fuck” sounds worse in English than a mere “shit”. If you were having this same conversation in Manhattan (OK, in how many ways does that geographical transplantation NOT work? Hard to count, but moving on…), and the taxi driver threw in a “fuck”, you might raise an eyebrow. But in Mandarin the taxi driver’s cào/操 is hardly noteworthy. Thus, “shit.”

Because of this approach, in some places it might look like the English version was cleaned up. For example in line 32 there’s cào/操 as “shit” when it technically means “fuck.”

This is the same sort of argument made on Beijing Sounds back in the days of càonǐmā / 操你妈 as, “motherfucker” vs. “fuck your mother.” Some commenters vehemently disagreed with putting the grammatically incorrect “motherfucker” where the original used a verb, but the editorial position was and is that spelling it out as “fuck your mother” conveys a degree of truculence far beyond that of the Mandarin version.

So what about that tm?

It’s short for tāmāde / 他妈的 which means literally “his mother’s” but is usually rendered as “damn”. As the literal translation shows, it would be nonsensical if you tried that. It’s a pretty mild curse, in some ways, but you still find lots of people who object to it. The shortening to “tm” is purely for phonetic accuracy (at least as much as I can get without resorting to IPA). In other words, it sounds kind of like a mumbled “tm”: so fleeting, in mid-phrase, as to be almost imperceptible — as it was to me in many cases until I got the native Mandarin-speaking consultants cracking on it (no, not PBS — what kind of a business do you think we run here?).

Phonological notes

  • Tune in to that verb — jígé(r!) — in line 156. Someone once proposed that R only shows up on one verb in Mandarin, and that’s wánr/玩儿 (I swear I remember this but can’t find the reference now). If there really is some R action going on there, it could be the first ever wild recording of a rhoticized verb beyond wánr. [Update: but, alas, it's probably just Syz's bad grammatical analysis. See comments for refutation. False alarm -- sorry, folks.]
  • Check out the zhòngshì in 161-167. Talk about consonant elision. The /sh/ is utterly obliterated and you get only something like a syllabic R as remainder.
  • The Zhonglish team did manage to find one speech error for LW1: the “nár xuěde” [should be "nǎr xuéde"] of line 65. But other than that, just how good is LW1’s Mandarin? My partner-in-crime on this transcription said he assumed LW1 was a native speaker, just with a bit of an accent from somewhere not Beijing. But indeed: he is a legitimate Zhonglish speaker, a title you can earn only by starting your Mandarin acquisition after puberty.
  • Could the driver be learning his Spanish from Chinese characters, or at least memorizing it that way? This wouldn’t be unprecedented. His “adios” (line 76) sounds suspiciously like “àodí yàoshi / 奥迪钥匙” — Audi keys.

Language notes

  • As tempting as the “hang the wall on the gun” line is, the Beijing Sounds truth-in-language-reporting bureau does not have enough information to confirm or deny the (line 51) rumor that Pinggu dialect does not differentiate first and second tones.
  • However, there’s no doubt that Pinggu and Yanqing dialect speakers report that they have their own accent and distinct vocabulary that is not used in Beijing. Cab drivers from these areas are happy to discuss if you ask.

Cultural notes

  • Dashan 1 — if you’re in China, you need no explanation. It’s universally acknowledged that every Zhonglish speaker in China has been compared to Dashan at some point, usually unfavorably. Per the Dashan laughter in line 12, it’s like claiming not to know who Clint Eastwood is. Dashan is that famous.
  • Dashan 2 — Big foreigner butts? (line 17） I’ll wait for Dashan himself to weigh in on whether that’s a standard laugh line in taxis. But the driver’s story does help put you in Dashan’s shoes for a second: What’s it like to be recognized by every taxi driver not just in the city but in all of China? I’ve barely been here long enough to be recognized by the local cab drivers outside our apartment complex, but even that’s disconcerting. One day you get into a cab with your daughter, taking her to school, and the driver says, as you slide into the backseat: “You’re going to be going to the 16th street elementary school, right?” Foreigner (paranoid): “Uh, yeah, how did you know?” Driver: “I’ve taken her and her mother there before. Your wife — she works on 8th St., right? That building just behind the traffic barrier? Has her own company there, right?” After that, you don’t have much to say and you feel like your butt really might be too big to hide in Beijing. Maybe you should come up with a few laugh lines yourself.
  • Line 174 takes a morsel of poetic license — the original lament has no Rime of the Ancient Mariner flavor to it at all. But the tone of the comment is something you hear all the time: too many people in China. You might think, hey, it’s a densely populated place, let’s all just get used to it already. Maybe. Nevertheless, the sentiment is there.
  • According to Adam Schokora, the 思密达 (sīmìdá) heard in line 93-97 has quite a bit of currency online, or at least did a few months ago when he wrote this post. I don’t know anything about that, but having negotiated my most recent lease with our Korean landlord using Mandarin as our common (poorly spoken) tongue, I can attest without hesitation that “seumnida” was an integral part of his speech in Mandarin — so it must be a habit that’s hard to break. [Incidentally, then, what would you call Korean-tinged second-language Mandarin? Zhonglish has the disadvantage of being English-morpheme dependent. Zhonggugeo?] [UPDATE 1/8/10: Chinasmack has a new seumnida-related post -- it lives on]

Translation notes

  • All corrections and suggestions appreciated, as always, especially with foreign languages whose spellings, romanizations or translations were botched.
  • Does English offer something better than “regular guys” for lǎobǎixìng in line 32? Joe Sixpacs?
  • Is there a better translation of wàidì (外地) in 128 and 132? “Rural” was all I could come up with.
  • In line 139, it feels odd to use “Chinese” in the translation of both Hànyǔ/汉语 and Zhōngwén/中文. The latter is usually considered more like formal, written Chinese, but I’m not sure the driver is really making such a distinction in this case.

Production notes

  • Yes, the sneak preview was back in September, a rushed production that was widely panned by the critics. To quote commenter hsknotes: “It seems pretty rough … long way to go to fix both scripts.” The marketing department is confident (have you ever met one that wasn’t?) that the final director’s cut presented above will exceed even our investors’ lofty expectations.
  • Total time from concept to release is six months nearly to the day, a record even by the glacial production standards the company normally adheres to.
  • Actual performer identities are theirs to claim if they’d like the notoriety. No naming names if it’s not your own. Please see our privacy policy for details.
1 SJ Pǔtōnghuà shuōde bùcuò Your Mandarin’s not bad 普通话说得不错
2 LW1 Hái còuhe Passable. 还凑合
3 SJ Nǐ něiguóde? What country are you from? 你哪国的？
4 LW1 Měiguó de America 美国的
5 SJ Měiguó de a. Oh, America. 美国的啊。
6 SJ Pǔtōng wèir hái kěyǐ a That standard pronunciation’s pretty good. 你说的这味儿还可以啊
7 LW1 Zài Běijīng dāide shíjiān cháng Been in Beijing for a long time 在北京呆的时间长
8 SJ Dāi de shíjiān cháng? Kuài qī nián le? Stayed here for a long time? Almost seven years? 呆的时间长了？快7年了？
9 SJ Dà Shān shuōde cái zhèng ne, wèir cái zhèng ne. Dà Shān wèir shuōde zhèng. The way Dashan [Canadian Mark Rowswell] speaks, now *that* is proper pronunciation. Dashan has a really proper accent. 大山说的才正呢，味儿才正呢。大山味儿说的正。
10 SJ Tā nèige yě shì yīge Zhōngguó tōng. Zhīdào Dà Shān ma? Jiānádà nèige. That guy’s a real China hand. You know Dashan? That Canadian? 他那个是一个中国通。知道大山吗？加拿大那个。
11 SYZ Bùzhīdào. Shì shéi? No, who is he? 不知道。是谁？
12 SJ [xiào] Nǐ de Zhōngguóhuà shuōde hái kěyǐ. [laughing] Your Chinese is really okay. 【笑】你的中国话说的还可以。
13 SJ Nèi huí wǒ lāguò yīhuí Dà Shān. I picked up Dashan once. 那回我拉过一回大山。
14 LW1 Shì ma? Really? 是吗？
15 SJ Wǒ yī kàn tā shànglái, wǒ shuō āiyōu “nǐ shì Dà Shān ma?” Tā shuō, “Nǐ rènde wǒ a?” Wǒ shuō, “nà kěbushì ma!” As soon as I see him get in I say wow “are you Dashan?” He says, “You recognize me?” I say, “Well how couldn’t I!” 我一看他上来，我说哎呦“你是大山吗？”他说“你认得我啊？”我说“那可不是嘛！”
16 SJ Wǒ shuō nǐ tm zhǎo wàiguórén duō hǎo a. Wǒ shuō wàiguórén yào nǎr yǒu nǎr. Nǐ fēiděi tm zhǎo Zhōngguórén. Tā shuō wǒ xǐhuān dōng — Zhōngguó nǚde, jiùshi shòuxiǎo. I say why the hell didn’t you get yourself a foreigner (for a wife). I said foreigners have what you want where you want it. What the hell do you insist on a Chinese for? He says I like eastern — Chinese women, small and thin. 我说你他妈找外国人多好啊，我说外国人要哪儿有哪儿。你非得他妈的找中国人。他说我喜欢东，中国女的，就是瘦小。
17 SJ Tā shuō wǒ xǐhuān Zhōngguó nǚde. Tā shuō, gēmenr, nǐ bùzhīdào: wàiguórén pìgu tài dà. [xiào] He says “I like Chinese women.” He says, “Man, you have no idea: foreigners’ butts are too big.” [laughing] 他说我喜欢中国女的。他说哥们儿，你不知道：外国人屁股太大。【笑】
18 SJ Tā gēn wǒ shuōde, [bùqīngchu] wàiguórén pìgu tài dà. He says to me, [unclear] foreigners’ butts are too big. 他跟我说的【不清楚】外国人屁股太大。
19 LW1 Yángrén hěn sè. Westerners are pretty oversexed. 洋人很色。
20 SJ Zhǎole yīgè Zhōngguó xífur. Nà háiyòng shuō ya? Shéi tāmāde bù sè?! Got himself a Chinese wife. [responding to comment] What kind of talk is that? Who the hell’s not oversexed?! 找了一个中国媳妇儿。那还用说呀？谁他妈的不色呀？
21 LW1 Tā hái zhù zài zhèibian? Does he still live around here? 他还住在这边？
22 SJ Wǒ shuō nǐ méi shuō xiāngshēng a? Tā shuō méiyǒu, xiànzài zuò mǎimài ne. I say, “You’re not doing crosstalk?” He says no, now he’s doing business. 我说你没说相声啊？他说没有，现在做买卖呢 。
23 SJ Tǐng yǒu yìsi. Tā bù jiù zài nà diànshì lǐ, shì ba, diànshì guǎnggào. Diànshì – Really interesting. He’s really always on TV, right, TV ads, TV — 做生意呢。他不就在那电视里，在那儿，是吧，电视广告。电视——
24 SJ diànshì lǐ tā lǎo jiāo yīngyǔ, on TV he’s always teaching English, 电视里他老教英语，
25 LW1 a shì ma? oh really? 啊是吗？
26 SJ qì chē nèi guǎnggào [bùqīngchu] doing those car advertisements [unclear] 汽车那广告，不就是净，净【不清楚】
27 SJ Zhè shì Zhōngguórén zhīdao. Wàiguórén bìng bùrènshi tā. Chinese know about him. Foreigners don’t recognize him at all. 这是中国人知道。外国人并不认识他。
28 SYZ Bìng bù rènshì tā! They really don’t! 并不认识他
29 SJ Zhè shì nǐmen Zhōngguóren — zhè shì nǐmen wàiguórén zài Zhōngguó, a, nà shéi shuō nà shéi bù cuò… nǐmen zhīdao. You Chinese — I mean, you foreigners in China — well, who’s to say who’s hot and who’s not. 这是你们中国人，这是你们外国人在中国，啊啊，那谁说那谁不错。。你们知道
30 SJ Nǐ yào wèn Jiānādàrén, tā bùzhīdào. Tā shuō shéi shì Dàshān? Shéi jiào Dàshān, bùzhīdào. If you ask Canadians, they don’t know him. They’ll say, “who’s Dashan?” They have no idea who Dashan is. 你要问加拿大人，他不知道。他说谁是大山？谁叫大山，不知道。
31 SJ

32 SJ Zhōngguórén jiǎrú yǒu yīge zài Měiguó tè yǒu míngr, shéi tm bùzhīdào a. Zánmen lǎobǎixìng shéi zhīdào! Cào. For Chinese, if there’s a Chinese in America who’s really famous — who the hell knows’em? We regular guys have no idea! Shit. 就跟中国人，假如有一个在美国特有名儿，谁他妈知道啊。老百姓谁知道！操。
33 SJ Nà nǐ kàn nǐmen Měiguórén zài Zhōngguó yě tè nèi nèige shénmede, rénjiā Měiguórén bùzhīdào a. Shéi ràng nǐ zài Zhōngguó tm nème niú. [xiào] Then there’s you Americans in China, also some kind of special… — [know things that] other Americans don’t know. Who told you to get so goddamn hip in China? [laughing] 那你看你们美国人在中国也特那那个什么的，人家美国人不知道啊。谁让你在中国他妈那么牛？【笑】
34 SJ Tīngdedǒng a? Dōu tīngdedǒng a? Dōu shuōde tǐng bùcuò le. Zhōngguó huà dōu shuōde hěnhǎo. You understand [what I'm saying]? You understand everything? Really not bad, you all really speak Chinese pretty well. 听的懂啊？都听的懂啊？都说得挺不错的。中国话都说得很好。
35 LW1 Zài Zhōngguó dāide shíjiān cháng le. Been in China for a long time. 在中国呆的时间长了。
36 SJ A dāide shíjiān chángle. Oh, been here a long time. 啊，呆的时间长了。
37 SJ Wǒ shì zhèngjīng(r) Běijīngrén, chénglǐde. I’m a proper Beijinger, from the city itself. 我是正经（儿）北京人，城里的。
38 LW1 a — chénglǐde Uh-huh 啊——城里的
39 SJ Wǒ shì chénglǐ rén. I’m from the city center. 我是城里人。
40 SYZ wei — chūzūchē nèige – But — taxi, uh — 喂，出租车那个——
41 SJ Hǎo duō chūzū dōu shì yuǎnjiāoqū nóngmín, dōu shì yuǎnjiāoqū ma. A lot of taxi [drivers] are farmers from the outer districts — they’re all from outer districts. 好多出租都是远郊区农民，都是远郊区嘛。
42 SJ Wǒ shuō huà wèir zhèng, méiyǒu kǒuyīn, zhīdào ba. Tāmen yǒu de shuō huà yǒu kǒuyīn, wǒ méi kǒuyīn. I speak the language with an authentic flavor, no accent you know. They speak with an accent; I don’t have an accent. 我说话味儿正，没有口音，知道吧 ？他们有的说话有口音，我没口音。
43 SJ duì, Mìyún, Yánqìng, Pínggǔ de — tā shuō huà zhèi wèir gēn wǒmen wèir bùyíyàng. Right, these Miyun, Yanqing, Pinggu [all distant districts that are still technically "Beijing"] folks — the flavor of their accent’s not the same as ours. 对，密云、延庆、平谷的，他说话这味儿跟我们味儿不一样。
44 LW1 Shì ma? Bù zhèng. Really? Not standard. 是吗？不正。
45 SJ Ā duì duì duì, wèir wèir wèir bù neme — Běijīnghuà wèir bù neme zhèng Right, right, right — the flavor’s not that — the Beijing dialect flavor’s not that standard. 啊对对对，味儿味儿味儿不那么——北京话味儿不那么正。
46 SJ Hái jiǎrú shuō ba: “hē tāng”, shìba? Huòzhe shuō: “lái wǎn tāng”. Take the phrase “eat soup [tāng]” for example. Or “bring me a bowl of soup.” 咱假如说吧：“喝汤”，是吧？或者说：“来碗汤”
47 SJ Tāmen Pīnggǔde jiùshi, a, Yánqìngde, tā jiǎnghuà: “chéng táng a! chéng táng a!” These Pinggu or Yanqing folks, they say: “serve me some sugar!” [táng is "sugar" as opposed to tāng, which is "soup"] 他们平谷的就是，啊，延庆的，他讲话：“盛汤táng啊！盛汤táng啊！”
48 SJ Nèi yìsi jiùshi “chéng wǎn tāng”. Tā guǎn “tāng” jiù jiào “táng”, shuō “chéng táng a!” jiùshi “chéngtáng” jiùshi “chéng wǎn tāng”! They really mean “serve me some soup”. They call it “sugar” instead of “soup”. They say “serve me some sugar, serve sugar!” which is supposed to be “serve a bowl of soup”! 那意思就是“盛碗汤”。他管“汤”就叫“táng”，说“盛汤táng啊！”就是“盛汤táng”就是“盛碗汤”
49 LW1 Jiùshi shēngdiào dōu biàn le. So really the tone completely changes. 就是声调都变了
50 SJ A, duì duì — wèir — bùshì — tā de wèir dōu biànle. “Chéng táng a?” Tā nème ge yīn. Yeah, exactly — the flavor, uh, his accent changes it. “Serve sugar?” He has this kind of pronunciation. 啊对对——味儿——不是——他的味儿都变了。“盛汤啊？”他那么个音。
51 SJ Pínggǔ shuōhuà shénme ya? Tā yīshēng yīnfu gen èrshēng yīnfu bù fēn What does a Pinggu speaker say? They can’t distinguish a first tone from a second tone. 平谷说话什么呀？他一声音符跟二声音符不分
52 SJ Yīshēngyīn zán — jiǎrú shénme ya — shénme nèige, yīshēngyīn, èrshēngyīn, sānshēngyīn, sìshēngyīn First tone — for example — well, first tone, second tone, third tone, fourth tone — 一声音咱，假如什么呀，什么那个，一声音，二声音，三声音，四声音——
53 SJ Jiǎrú shì ba, jiù gēn nèi Zhōngguó de “zhōng” zì a — zhōng, zhóng, zhǒng zhòng — tā yīshēngyīn gēn èrshēngyīn tā bù fēn. like, think about the Chinese character zhōng — zhōng, zhóng, zhǒng zhòng — they can’t differentiate the first and second tones. 假如是吧，就跟那中国的中字啊——zhōng, zhóng, zhǒng zhòng——他一声音跟二声音他不分。
54 SJ Wǒmen chénglǐrén jiù shuō: “bǎ qiāng guà qiáng shàng.” We city people might say: “hang the gun [qiāng] on the wall [qiáng].” 我们城里人就说：“把枪挂墙上“，就把枪啊挂墙上。
55 SJ Tā wèir ne jiù biàn le. Tā bǎ qiáng guà qiáng shang — tā bǎ qiáng guà qiāng shang. In their accent it changes. They hang the wall [qiáng] on the gun [qiāng] — they hang the wall on the gun. 他味儿呢就变了。他把墙挂枪上——他把墙挂枪上。
56 SJ Nèi yìsi jiùshì — tā wèir tā jiù chūlái le. Nà, nèi yìsi jiùshi Pínggǔ wèir, shìbushì, zánmen chénglǐrén shuō “ei bǎ qiāng guà qiáng shang.” That means — their accent just comes out like this. Then, well that’s just the Pinggu accent, you know, we city folks say “hey, hang the gun on the wall.” 那意思就是——他味儿它就出来了。那，那意思就是平谷味儿，是不是，咱们城里人说：“诶，把枪挂墙上”。
57 SJ Bǎ zhèi qiāng a, náshǒu qiāng(r) guà qiáng shang. Tā ne jiùshi bǎ qiáng guà qiāng shang! Tā liǎng yīn bù fēn. “Take this gun in your hand and hang it on the wall.” But they go: “hang the wall on the gun!” They don’t distinguish the two sounds. 把这枪啊，拿手枪（儿）挂墙上。他呢就是把墙挂枪上！他俩音不分。
58 SJ Zhèi wèir dōu chūlái le [xiào] The accent comes out like this [laughing] 这味儿就出来了【笑】
59 SJ Jiùshi yǒu yīdiǎnr yìsi [xiào] It’s all just for fun [laughing] 他听着有点儿意思【笑】
60 SJ O(r)K OK OK
61 LW1 O-le Okay [using it as it's borrowed into Mandarin] O 了
62 SJ Ei — “hola” nǐhǎo, Xībānyá Hey, “hola” is “nihao” in Spanish… 诶——“hola” 你好，西班牙
63 LW1 A duì: “hola” Oh, right, “hola.” 啊对：hola
64 SJ “hola” nǐhǎo Xībānyá “hola” — “nihao” in Spanish. “hola” 你好，西班牙
65 LW1 Nár xuěde? Where did you learn it? 哪儿学的？
66 SJ A? Huh? 啊？
67 LW1 Jiùshi shénme shíhòu xuéde shì qùnián … àoyùnhuì? I mean, when did you learn it? Last year … the olympics? 就是什么时候学的？是去年…奥运会？
68 SJ Àoyùnhuì? Àoyùnhuì bùxué zhèige? Àoyùn yào xué Yīngyǔ. The Olympics? For the Olympics we didn’t study this we studied English. 奥运会？奥运会不学这个，奥运会要学英语。
69 SJ [Yīngyǔ] [speaking English] Hello, do you want a taxi? Where are you going? 【英语】
70 SYZ Zhēn bùcuò ba! Really not bad! 真不错吧！
71 SJ [Yīngyǔ] Nǐ yào qù nǎr? [Yīngyǔ] Where are you going? [then translates into Mandarin] Thank you very much. How are you. 【英语】“你要去哪儿”【英语】
72 SYZ Háiyǒu shénme? What else do you have? 还有什么？
73 LW1 Ránhòu zhèi zhèi Xībānyáyǔ ne? Then what about that Spanish? 然后这这西班牙语呢？
74 SJ Xībānyá zhèi jǐ jù: “hola” nǐhǎo “gracias” xièxie “adios” báibái — zàijiàn. Spanish just a few phrases: “hola”, hello; “gracias”, thanks; “adios”, bye-bye. 西班牙就几句：”hola” 你好 “gracias” 谢谢 “adios” 拜拜，再见。
75 SJ “adios”, duì ba? “Adios”, right? Adios, 对吧
76 LW1 adios adios adios
77 SJ AdiosDéguóhuà shì “Guten Tag” “Adios” In German there’s “Guten Tag” Adios德国话是（”Guten Tag”）
78 SYZ Wà, wà, tài… Wow, that’s really… 哇！哇！太。。。
79 SJ “Danke” xièxie, “Tschüss” báibái, “Tschüss” zàijiàn. “Danke” thanks, “Tschüss” bye-bye, “Tschüss” good-bye. “单克”谢谢，“具思”拜拜，“具思”再见
80 SYZ Zhēn lìhai! Awesome! 真厉害！
81 SJ Déguóhuà shìbushì? “Bitte” bùkèqì, fǎguó shì, “Salut!” nǐhǎo, “Bonjour, où vas tu? Bonjour” nǐhǎo, “Bonjour, où vas tu?” nǐhǎo qù nǎr, “Merci” xièxie. In German, right? “Bitte” is “you’re welcome”. In French there’s “Salut!” — hello. “Bonjour, où vas tu? Bonjour” — hello, where are you going? “Merci” — thank you. 德国话是不是？比特”Bitte”不客气，法国是，撒率”Salut!”你好，”Bonjour, où vas tu? Bonjour”你好”Bonjour, où vas tu?”你好，去哪儿？”Merci” 谢谢！
82 SJ Ng, “Au revoir” [ōuwàng] báibái, “ōuwàng” zàijiàn. Uh, “Au revoir” bye-bye, “au revoir” good-bye. 嗯，欧旺拜拜，欧旺，法语
83 LW2 Háiyǒu shénme yǔyán a? Any other languages? 还有什么语呀？
84 SJ Rìběnhuà: “konnichiwa, arigato gozaimasu” Shì ba? “Sayonara.” Japanese: “konnichiwa, arigato gozaimasu” Right? “Sayonara.” 日本话，”konnichiwa, arigato gozaimasu”，是吧？”Sayonara.”
85 LW1 Nǐ kāishǐ shì zěnme xuéde? Shì zìjǐ àihǎode? How did you start learning? Just something you’ve got an interest in? 你开始是怎么学的？是自己爱好的？
86 SJ Méiyǒu. Lā wàiguórén tā jiāo gěi wǒ de… jiāo gěi wǒ de. No. Foreigners I picked up just taught me. 没有，拉外国人他教给我的。。教给我的
87 SYZ Wa! Wow! 哇！
88 SJ Hánguóhuà: “annyeonghaseyo” In Korean: “annyeonghaseyo” 韩国话：”annyeonghaseyo”
89 SYZ Amazing, really great. Wāsāi, tài bàng le! 哇塞，太棒了！
90 SJ “Gomapseumnida, annyeonghikaseyo.” Hánguóhuà hǎoxué. Zhōngguó… “Gomapseumnida, annyeonghikaseyo.” Korean is easy to learn. Chinese… “Gomapseumnida, annyeonghikaseyo.” 韩国话好学。中国。。
91 SYZ Hǎoxué? Easy to learn? 好学？
92 LW1 Hánwén hǎoxué, jiùshì tā wénzì… Korean is easy — their writing system… 韩文好学，就是他的文字。。。
93 SJ Tā, Hánguóhuà jiùshi shénmeya? Dōu shì shénme shénme jiù “seumnida” (xiàoshēng) They — in Korean it’s like, it’s all something something “seumnida” [which is a Korean verb ending] (laughing) 他，韩国话就是什么呀，都是什么什么就思密达（笑声）
94 SJ Nǐ, nǐ jìzhu qiánbiānr le jiù “seumnida” You remember the beginning and just “seumnida” 你，你记住前边了就思密达
95 SJ Rìběnhuà ne, dōu shénme shénme “mashida” In Japanese it’s “something something mashida.” 日本话呢，都是什么什么马西达
96 SJ Hánguóhuà nèi bùshì shuō le ma, qián gūlu hòu gūlu, gūlu gūlu “seumnida”. In Korean — guess I said this already — it’s front wheel back wheel wheel wheel “seumnida”. [Mandarin uses gūlù in a way that English might use "blah blah" or a nonsense syllable for language you don't understand.] 韩国话那不是说了吗，前轱辘后轱辘，轱辘轱辘思密达（笑声）
97 SJ Qián gūlu hòu gūlu, gūlu gūlu “seumnida” Front wheel back wheel wheel wheel “seumnida”. 前轱辘后轱辘，轱辘轱辘思密达
98 SJ Rìběn huà ne, qián gūlu bùzhuàn hòu gūlu zhuàn, gūlu gūlu “mashida.” (xiàoshēng) In Japanese, well, the front wheel doesn’t turn, the back wheel turns: wheel wheel “mashida” (laughing) 日本话呢，前轱辘不转后轱辘转，轱辘轱辘马西达（笑声）
99 SJ Tǐnghǎo wánr ba? Pretty fun, huh? 挺好玩吧？
100 SYZ Tǐnghǎo wánr. Really fun. 挺好玩
101 LW1 Tā hái xuéguo zhèige, zhèige… He’s even learned this, this … 他还学过这个，这个
102 SJ Jiù gēn wàiguórén shuō Zhōngguó shì de, nǐhǎo, xièxiè, zàijiàn (xiàoshēng) Just like the way foreigners speak Chinese [singsongy voice]: “nihao, xiexie, zaijian” [hello, thank you, good-bye] (laughing) 就跟外国人说中国似的，你好，谢谢，再见（笑声）
103 SJ Ai, jiùshi jiǎndān de jiùshi wàiguóhuà, nèshíhòu, wàiguórén, wàiguórén nèi “nihao, xiexie, zaijian” Oh, this is just that kind of simple foreign speech. Foreigners go [again singsongy with wrong tones]: “nihao, xiexie, zaijian.” 哎，就是简单的就是外国话，那时候，外国人外国人那你好，谢谢，再见
104 SJ Nǐmen měiguó nèi nǚde jiào, ai, qīn’àide, YES en YES en (xiàoshēng) Your American women say, “Yes dear, yes, uh-huh, Yes, uh-huh.” 你们美国那女的叫，唉，亲爱的，YES，嗯，YES，嗯（笑声）
105 SJ Shìbushi lǎowài nèi nǚde lǎo: enheng, enheng Right? Foreign women are always going “uh-huh, uh-huh” 是不是老外那女的老，嗯哼，嗯哼
106 SJ “Ya!” Déguóhuà, “ya!” Fǎguó “wèi” “Ja!” In German it’s “ja.” In French, “Oui” 呀，德国话，呀，法国，喂
107 SJ Měiguó “YES”, Zhōngguó, “Duì!” In America it’s “yes!” In China, “Right!” 美国，YES，中国，对（笑声）
108 SJ Duì duì duì. Rìběnrén, Rìběnrén jiào “sou sou sou, sou sou sou.” Zhōngguórén jiù “duì duì duì.” — “Hai! Hai! yaoxi” hǎo. “Duì duì duì” [right right right]. The Japanese say “sou sou sou, sou sou sou.” Chinese go “duì duì duì.” — “Hai! Hai! yaoxi[?]” means “good”. 对对对，日本人，日本人叫嗖嗖嗖，嗖嗖嗖，中国人就对对对。嗨，嗨，要西，好，要西
109 LW2 Guǎngdōnghuà ne? How about in Cantonese? 广东话呢？
110 SJ Guǎngdōnghuà a? Guǎngdōnghuà jiùshi jiǎndān de. Cantonese? Cantonese is simple. 广东话啊？广东话就是简单的
111 LW2 Leihou? “Leihou” [Hello in Cantonese -- or should this be an N?!] 你好（广东话）
112 SJ Leihou-a, nǐhǎo-a, xiǎojiě wánrwanr (xiàoshēng) Leihou, nihao, come have some fun with some girls (laughing) 你好啊（广东话），你好啊，小姐玩玩啦（笑声）
113 SJ Guǎngdōnghuà, yǒushíhòu tāmen shuō, yào shuō, jiù tīngbudǒng jiùshi, yàoshuō, dāngdìrén jiù tīngbudǒng le. Cantonese, if they speak, if it’s the locals speaking you won’t understand. 广东话，有时候他们说，要说，就听不懂就是，要说，当地人就听不懂了
114 SYZ Nà, nèige Fú – Then what about the Fu – 那那个。。福——
115 SJ Tā xuéde zhǔyào shì zhǐyǒu wǒmen pǔtōnghuà, hǎoxuéde zhǐyǒu wǒmen pǔtōnghuà. The key thing is that they’ve studied standard Mandarin [pǔtōnghuà = 普通话], the best thing to learn is just standard Mandarin. 他学的主要是只有我们普通话，好学的只有我们普通话
116 SYZ En… bǐrú shuō nèige Fújiànhuà Oh… what about that Fujian [Hokkien, part of Mǐn, 闽 family] language? 嗯。。比如说那个福建话
117 SJ Fújiàn? A, Fújiàn nà nà jiùshi Guǎngdōng nèi yībiānr de, zánmen jiùshi shuō a. Fujian? Oh, Fujian that’s — that’s just like that Cantonese we’re talking about. 福建？啊，福建那那就是广东那一边的，咱们就是说啊
118 SYZ O, chàbuduō Oh, they’re about the same. 哦，差不多
119 SJ Tā yàobu shuō pǔtōnghuà nǐ tīngbudǒng, tā yào shuō dāngdì kǒuyīn… If they don’t speak standard Mandarin you can’t understand. If they speak their local dialect [lit. local "accent" = kǒuyīn = 口音]… 他要不说普通话你听不懂，他要说当地口音。。
120 SJ Hai, Zhōngguó tm 56 gè mínzú ne, gēn Měiguó shì de, nǐmen nàr hǎoduō duōshǎo zhōu ne. Nà dāngdì tm shuōhuà nà dōu shì tīngbudǒng. Nánfāng shuōhuà wǒmen dōu tīngbudǒng. Tāmen shuō dāngdì kǒuyīn. Tā dào Běifāng… Hey, China’s damn 56 ethnicities are like those American, your so many American states. If the locals speak their damn way, then no one can understand. When Southerners speak we can’t understand. They speak with their local accent. When they come to Beijing… 嗨，中国他妈56个民族呢，跟美国似的，你们那儿好多多少多少州呢。那当地他妈说话那都是听不懂，南方说话我们都听不懂，他们说当地口音。他到北方。。。
121 LW1 Jiùshi, yǒushíhòu lián tāmen pǔtōnghuà wǒ yě tīngbudǒng. Jiùshi, (bùqīngchu) kǒuyīn hěn nóng. Right, sometimes even when they speak standard Mandarin I can’t understand. Their accent is really thick. 就是，有时候连他们普通话我也听不懂。就是，（不清楚）口音很浓
122 SJ Tāmen pǔtōnghuà, tā, o, duìduì, o, duìduìduìduì, tāmen shuō ne, tā yě xué pǔtōnghuà. Their standard Mandarin — oh, right, right — when they speak — they’re also learning standard Mandarin. 他普通话，他，哦，对对，哦，对对对对，他说呢，他也学普通话
123 SJ Tā shuō tā yě xué nèige pǔtōnghuà, xiànzài yàobu jiùshi quánguó jiùshi tǒngyī, quánguó nèige, nèige, jiùshi bìxū nèige yāoqiú shuō pǔtōnghuà ma. They speak — they’re also learning standard Mandarin. Now since the whole country is united, the whole country, well, well, everyone just has to — there’s the requirement to learn standard Mandarin. 他说他也学那个普通话，现在要不就是全国就是统一，全国那个那个就是必须那个要求说普通话吗
124 SJ Jiù gēn quán shìjiè shuō yīngyǔ shìde, shuō yīngyǔ, dōu yòng yīngyǔ, bù jiù dàhuǒr dōu néng tīngdedǒng? Shìbushì? It’s just like the whole world speaking English, using English. This way everybody can understand, right? 就跟全世界说英语似的，说英语，都用英语，不就大伙儿都能听得懂？是不是？
125 SJ “Yes” “Yes” YES
126 LW1 Yǐqián bùshì, lǎoyǒu nèixiē hǎibào a? Jiùshi “Shuō hǎo pǔtōnghuà, fāngbiàn nǐ wǒ tā.” For a while didn’t they always have those posters? They were “Speak good standard Mandarin, it’s convenient for everyone.” 以前不是，老有那些海报啊，就是说好普通话，方便你我他
127 SJ A, duìduìduì… Tā nèishì zhǐde shì Zhōngguó, zhěnggè yī Zhōngguó mínzú, wǎng wài quán tōngtōng de yòng — cào Rìběnhuà le tōngtōng de — jiùshi zhěnggè quán yòng pǔtōnghuà, jiù gēn yuánlái Zhōngguó yòng de liángpiàor shìde. Oh, right right. Those are just directing all of China, all of China’s ethnic groups, when speaking to others, to completely use — shit, that’s like the Japanese “completely” — I mean for everyone to use standard Mandarin, just like those food coupons. [Consultant says: tōngtōng is a phrase from Chinese movies in which Japanese soldiers of WWII say lines such as "completely obliterate the population" -- so taxi driver is taken aback by his own usage.] 啊，对对对。。他那是指的是中国，整个一中国的民族，往外全通通的用。。操，通通的了，日本话了，通通的。就是整个全用普通话，就跟原来中国用的粮票似的。
128 SJ Yǒu dìfāng liángpiàor, Běijīngshì liángpiàor, yǒu wàidì liángpiàor, Shànghǎi de, tāmāde, Fújiàn de, nà dāngdì liángpiàor, wánle, tōngtōng yǒu yīgè shì quánguó tōngyòng liángpiàor. There were regional food coupons, Beijing city coupons, there were rural coupons, ones for Shanghai, hell, Fujian ones, and then local coupons, and then overall there was a universal coupon for the entire country. 有地方粮票，北京市粮票，有外地粮票，上海的，他妈的，福建的，那当地粮票，完了，通通有一个是全国通用粮票。
129 SJ Jiùshi nǎr, jiù gēn tm shìjiè tōngyòng yǔ shì yīngyǔ shìde. Just like what — just like the whole damn world’s universal language is English. 就跟哪儿，就跟他妈世界通用语是英语似的
130 LW1 O, duì. Oh, right. 哦，对
131 LW1 Qíshí, tā pǔtōnghuà yě xiànzài yīnggāi shì Zhōngguó dà bùfen de gōngmín dōu dōu huì ba? But really, isn’t standard Mandarin spoken by pretty much all the residents of China now? 其实他普通话也现在应该是中国大部分的公民都都会吧？
132 SJ O, bù, pǔtōnghuà jīběn, o o, xiànzài jīběn dōu, nèi shénme xiànzài niánqīng, xiànzài nèixiē xiǎohár, xiàng gāng shàngxué de, xiàng wài, xiàng wàidì de, dāngdì de, bìxū pǔtōnghuà, bìxū ràng tāmen xué pǔtōnghuà. Oh, uh, standard Mandarin’s fundamentally now — well, all the young people now, all the kids now, like those who just started school, like rural kids — standard Mandarin is required, you have to make them study standard Mandarin. 噢，不，普通话基本，哦哦，现在基本都，那什么现在年轻，现在那些小孩儿，像刚上学的，像外，像外地的，当地的，必须普通话，必须让他们学普通话
133 LW1 Fǎnzhèng yě shì kànzhe diànshì zhǎng dà de, suǒyǐ, xiǎohái kànde dōu shì pǔtōnghuà de jiémù. Anyway, they’re all growing up watching TV, so the kids are all watching programs in Mandarin. 反正也是看着电视长大的，所以，小孩看的都是普通话的节目
134 SJ Xiànzài jiù, xiànzài jīběn jiù yāoqiú pǔtōnghuà. Wǒ huì nèi jǐjù yě jiùshi lā tāmen jiāo gěi wǒ de, ràng tāmen jiāo wǒ jǐ jù. Now — now basically standard Mandarin is required. The reason I can say those few sentences is just from having the people I drive (the foreigners) teach me. 现在就，现在基本就要求普通话。我会那几句也就是拉他们教给我的，让他们教我几句
135 SYZ Duì duì, xuéde… hái zhēn bùcuò… Yeah, you’ve learned it pretty well. 对对，学得。。。还真不错。。
136 LW1 Xuéde (bùqīngchu) hái zhēn bùcuò. You’ve learned it pretty well. 学得（不清楚）还真不错
137 SJ Jiǎndān de jǐ jù, jiǎndān de jǐ jù, yǒu shénme bùcuò ya, jiǎndān de jǐ jù. Really simple stuff, just a few simple sentences — nothing “pretty well” about that — just simple sentences. 简单的几句，简单的几句，有什么不错呀，简单的几句
138 LW1 Jiùshi shuō, jiùshi lián fāyīn yě bùcuò, ránhòu, qíshí yīngyǔ de fāyīn hěn nán. I’m just saying your pronunciation’s pretty good, and actually English pronciation is pretty hard. 就是说，就是连发音也不错，然后，其实英语的发音很难
139 SJ Yīngyǔ? Dōu shuō Yīngyǔ hǎo xué, shuō Hànyǔ bù hǎo xué, bùshì shuō? Shuō Zhōngwén bùhǎo xué, lǎowài dōu shuō. English? They all say English is easy to learn, they say Mandarin is hard to learn, don’t they? They say Chinese is hard to learn, all the foreigners do. 英语？都说英语好学，说汉语不好学，不是说？说中文不好学，老外都说
140 LW1 Qíshí wǒ háishì juéde tǐnghǎo xuéde. Actually I still think it’s pretty easy to learn. 其实我还是觉得挺好学的
141 SJ Zhōngwén hǎo xué? Kěshì yǒu wàiguórén tā yǒude shuō Zhōngwén bù hǎo xué zěnme shuō de? Yīngyǔ hǎo xué. Chinese is easy to learn? But don’t some foreigners say it’s hard to learn? [They say] English is easy to learn. 中文好学？可是有外国人他有的说中文不好学怎么说的？英语好学
142 SJ Tāmen yǒu de shuō Yīngyǔ hǎo xué. Yě bù hǎo xué a? Some of them say English is easy to learn. So it isn’t? 他们有的说英语好学。也不好学啊？
143 LW1 Nà yě bújiànde… Jiùshi zěnme shuō ne, nǐ yàoshi xué Yīngyǔ, nǐ xué yīge, nǐ xué yīge jīchǔ hěn róngyì. Well, not necessarily. It’s just, well how to put it — if you learn English you learn the fundamentals and it’s pretty easy. 那也不见得。。就是怎么说呢，你要是学英语，你学一个，你学一个基础很容易
144 LW1 Jiùshi yīnwèi bìjìng shì yǒu zìmù ma, yǒu hànzì, suǒyǐ nǐ gāng kāishǐ xuéde shíhòu kěnéng gǎnjué hěn róngyì, kěshì nín yòu… Well because after all in subtitles there are Chinese characters, so when you first start studying maybe you think it’s really easy. But then you… 就是因为毕竟是有字幕嘛，有汉字，所以你刚开始学的时候可能感觉很容易，可是您又。。。
145 SJ Wǒmen nèi háizi, wǒmen nèi háizi tm xué Yīngyǔ dōu bùxíng… Our kid — our kid’s English studies are no damn good… 我们那孩子，我们那孩子他妈学英语就不行。。
146 LW1 Shì ma? Really? 是吗
147 SJ A, Yīngyǔ lǎo tm bù guòguān, lián tm sì jí dōu méi guò, cào. Yeah he can’t pass the frickin’ English test, not even the frickin’ fourth level. Shit. 啊，英语老他妈不过关，连他妈4级都没过，操
148 LW1 Shì bùkěn xué le, háishì juéde… Is it that he’s not willing to study, or he thinks… 是不肯学了，还是觉得。。
149 SJ Shéi zhīdào, bù bù, tā xué, tā xué bùhǎo, tā jiù, bùshì dàxué bìxū yǒu sì jí ma? Yǒu sì jí, liù jí, bā jí. Who knows — no, no, he just doesn’t study well, he just — don’t you have to reach level 4 in college? There’s level 4, level 6, level 8. 谁知道，不不，他学，他学不好，他就，不是大学必须有四级吗？有4级6级8级
150 LW1 Zhèi (bùqīngchu) ba, fǎnzhèng yě shì bìxiūkè. Wǒ, wǒ xiǎode shíhòu shàngxué, jiùshi shénme shùxué kè, wǒ dōu bù guòguān. This… well, anyway, it’s a required class. When I was a kid going to school I just couldn’t get through any of the math classes. 这（不清楚）吧，反正也是必修课。我，我小时候上学，就是什么数学课，我都不过关
151 SJ Dōu guòguān? Could get through them all? 都过关？
152 LW1 Dōu bù jígé. Could not pass them. 都不及格
153 SJ O, dōu bù jígé a. Nà, nà xiànzài xiànzài zěnme zěnme, xiànzài nèi nèige suàn zěnmeyàng? Oh, couldn’t pass them, huh. Then, then — does that make any difference now? 哦，都不及格啊。那，那现在现在怎么怎么，现在那那算怎么样？
154 SJ Zhèshì lái Zhōngguó lái Zhōngguó gōngzuò háishì xuéxí de ma? Did you come to China to work or to study? 这是来中国来中国工作还是学习的吗？
155 LW1 Nà wǒ zài Měiguó shàng dàxué ma, shàngwán dàxué jiù, jiù pǎo… Well I was in America for college, right, then when I finished I just came… 那我在美国上大学嘛，上完大学就，就跑。。
156 SJ Nǐ bù jígé(r!) hái néng shàng dàxué ne? You couldn’t pass (math) but you still went to college? 你不及格还能上大学呢？
157 LW1 En… jīběn shàng kěyǐ, kěshì zhèxiē dàxué… Uh, well, basically it’s okay — but these colleges… 哦。。基本上可以，可是这些大学。。。
158 SJ Zhōngguó nèiyàng, Zhōngguó nèi shénme, Zhōngguó nǐ yàoshi bù jígé nǐ nǎr shàngdeliáo tm dàxué ya?! China’s like — in China if you can’t pass how are you ever going to get to go to college? 中国那样，中国那什么，中国你要是不及格你哪上得了他妈大学呀？
159 SJ Nǐ dōu bù jígé nǐ shàng shénme dàxué ya? If you can’t pass what college do you think you’re going to? 你都不及格你上什么大学呀？
160 LW1 Nǐ zhè wèntí jiùshi fǎnzheng shì yīmén bìxiū kè, suǒyǐ bù xǐhuān kěnéng zìjǐ shì tiānshēng méiyǒu zhèige, jiùshi méiyǒu zhèixiē nénglì… Anyway, the issue is still that it’s a required class, so if you don’t like it, or you just aren’t born with it, you don’t have this ability… 你这问题就是反正是一门必修课，所以不喜欢可能自己就是天生没有这一个，就是没有这些能力
161 SJ Yuánlái guòqù Zhōngguó bù zhòngshì nèi yīngyǔ, xiànzài zhòngshì le. In the past China didn’t put emphasis on English. Now they’ve started to emphasize it. 原来过去中国不重视那英语，现在重视了
162 LW1 Duì.
对
163 SJ Yuánlái guòqù dōu bù zhòngshì. In the past, they really didn’t emphasize it. 原来过去都不重视
164 LW1 Jiùshì bā jǐ nián hòu… Just since sometime in the ’80s. 就是八几年后。。
165 SJ ai, jiùshi gǎigékāifàng kāifáng yǐhòu wánle zhòngshì, zhùzhòng nèige xuélì. Right, after the reform and opening up they started emphasizing it, emphasizing this kind of educational background. 哎，就是改革开放以后完了重视，注重英语，注重那个学历
166 SJ Guòqù, guòqù bù zhòng, bù zhòngshì zhège dōu. In the past they didn’t emphasize this. 过去，过去不重，不重视这个都
167 SJ Máo Zédōng nèi niándài bù zhòngshì zhège. In the Mao Zedong era it wasn’t emphasized. 毛泽东那年代不重视这个
168 SJ Máo Zédōng rénjiā, Máo Zédōng niándài jiùshi: rén duō lìliang dà! Mao Zedong, that guy — in the Mao Zedong era it was: “more people more strength!” 毛泽东人家，毛泽东年代就是人多力量大
169 SJ Rén duō lìliang dà, zhīdao zhège yìsi ba? “More people more strength” — you know what that means, right? 人多力量大，知道这个意思吧？
170 LW1 En, zhīdao. Yeah. 嗯，知道
171 SJ Nèi yìsi jiùshi shuō: Nǐ dǎzhàng bù shì? Nǐ yīgè rén, wǒ shíge rén dǎ nǐ yī rénr That’s just a way of saying: let’s say you’re fighting; you’re one guy but I’ve got 10 guys fighting your one guy. 那意思就是说。。你打仗不是？你一人，我十个人打你一人儿
172 SJ Duìbuduì? Yī gēnr kuàizi hǎo juē, yī bǎ kuàizi bù hǎo juē le! (xiàoshēng) Right? One chopstick is easy to break, but it’s not easy to break a handful! (laughing) 对不对？一根筷子好撅，一把筷子你就不好撅了，（笑声）
173 SJ Zhōngguó yǒu de shì rén (xiàoshēng) China has a lot of people (laughing) 中国有的是人（笑声）
174 SJ Dàochù duōshǎo rén, Zhōngguó. People, people everywhere in China. 到处多少人，中国
175 SJ “Sayonara.” O, bùshì! Baibai, baibai… “Sayonara.” Oh, no! Bye-bye, bye-bye… 撒由那拉，哦不是，拜拜，拜拜。。。。
176 SYZ Ha ha. Baibai, xièxie a. Ha ha. Bye-bye. Thanks. 哈哈。。拜拜，谢谢啊
177 SJ Ai, bùkèqi, zàijiàn. Oh, you’re welcome. Good-bye. 哎，不客气再见啊
Posted 06 January 2010 † syz § beijing-r § běijīnghuà § consonant elision § taxi § unexpected érhuàyīn ‡ Comments (19) °

Cheap AND delicious

The YU cafeteria is one of the best audio links to Old Beijing. Over the clink of dishes and the munching of radish tucked inside your bǐng (饼 = pan bread) you can listen idly to the deals that the city used to offer.

[Transcript linked to audio available on this page -- click on the asterisks at the left of each line to start the audio at that point.]

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1 YU Guòqù Běijīng a, jiù jiùshi nèige, jiùshi, wǒ, wǒ shì mài luóbo de, 过去北京呀，就就是那个，就是，我，我是卖萝卜的 In the past in Beijing, uh, well, I, if I was a radish seller,
2 YU mài luóbo de ne, wǒ dāngshí wǒ jiù zài nèr xiāo, màide shíhòu(r), nǐ lái mǎi luóbo, dāngshí wǒ jiù gěi nǐ xiāo hǎo le. 卖萝卜的呢，我当时我就在那儿削，卖的时候，你来买萝卜，当时我就给你削好了。 well, a radish seller, right at the time I’d, I’d peel it right there, right when I’m selling — you come to buy a radish, I peel it for you right there on the spot.
3 SYZ A, shì ma? 哦，是吗？ Oh really?
4 YU Xiāo hǎo le yǐhòu dōu gěi nǐ qiē chéng nèi yītiáo(r) yītiáo(r) de, nǐ ná zhe ne, bāi yī bǎir jiù kěyǐ chī. 削好了以后都给你切成那一条一条的，你拿着呢，掰一掰儿就可以吃。 After it’s peeled they cut it up into strips for you, then you take it, break off a piece and eat it.
5 YU Běijīng guòqù yǒu zhèiyàng mài luóbo de. 北京过去有这样卖萝卜的。 Beijing used to have this kind of radish seller.
6 YU Suǒyǐ tā nèr jiù yǒu nèige xiāo xiàlai de luóbor pí. 所有他那儿就有那个削下来的萝卜儿皮 So they have right there that radish peel that they just peeled off.
7 SYZ Nà, nà, zěnme, zěnme chī? 那那怎么怎么吃？ Then, then, how — how do they eat it?
8 YU Jiù zhème chī, zhèi zhǒng luóbo jiùshi kěyǐ shēng chīde … a. 就这么吃，这种萝卜就是可以生吃的。。嗯 Just like that, this kind of radish can be eaten raw, really.
9 SYZ Shì ma? 是吗？ Really? [mouth stuffed with bǐng]
10 SYZ Bù là? 不辣？ It’s not spicy?
11 YU Bù là. Ránhòu nèige … 不辣，然后那个。。 It’s not spicy. Then, uh …
12 YU Tā … pángbiānr jiù kěyǐ xiāo xiàlái yī dà duī luóbo pí, mài de tèbié piányi. 他。。旁边就可以削下来一大堆萝卜皮，卖得特别便宜 They … to the side there’s this big pile of radish peel they sell really cheap.
13 YU Guāng mài nèi pí. Yīnwèi tā luóbo, qíshí mài luóbo de shíhòu dōu yǐjīng bǎ nèi pí de qián yě dōu mài chū qù le. Ránhòu tā zhèi tóur tā tā tèbié piányi, ránhòu jiù … 光卖那皮。因为他萝卜，其实卖萝卜的时候都已经把那皮的钱也都卖出去了。然后他这头儿他他特别便宜，然后就。。。 They sell up the skin, because their radish, actually when they sold the radish they already got the value for the skin anyway. So this is how it’s really cheap, then, well, …
14 YU Yǒu de shíhòu pèngshang le, jiù kěyǐ mǎi zhèige guāng yān zhèige luóbo pí, tèbié hǎo chī. 有的时候碰上了，就可以买这个，光腌这个萝卜皮，特别好吃。 Sometimes you run into this and you can buy just this salted radish peel. Really delicious.
15 YU (xiào shēng) yòu piányi yòu hǎochī. Āiyou… （笑声）又便宜又好吃。哎呀。。。 (laughing) Cheap AND delicious. Ahhh…
16 YU yòu piányi yòu hǎochī. 又便宜又好吃。。。 [reminiscing] Cheap AND delicious.

Keep in mind, though, that the lessons don’t stop at the cafeteria door. First, there’s the reminder of what it means (phonologically and lexically) to be a native Beijinger (from the BJS Longtime Beijinger Checklist):

In everyday speech, a Beijinger…

Characteristic Analysis
has Pirateshipfuls of érhuàyīn (儿化音 = rhoticization / Beijing-R) Check out the fleeting Rs all over the place, although I have to say I’m surprised at only one instance of full-on luóbor (萝卜儿), in line 6.
pronounces 那  as nèi or nè (not the “standard” nà) unless it is functioning as a noun Absolutely flawless.
often elides consonants in the middle of words Line 6: xiāo xiàlai
Line 14: pèngshang
and probably a few instance of jiùshi

Old hat, right? But what if we threw in…

Beijing-R 201

Beijing-R 201 is more properly known as Érhuàyīn 201. And actually you’ve been enrolled for years without being entirely aware of it. The subtitle is “Words that are hard to look up in dictionaries cuz the rhoticization muddies everything.”

The good news for today’s Zhonglish speakers is that, thanks to romanization, dictionaries make it pretty easy to look up a word you heard. (Try that with your beloved Hanzi!) Just learn some Pinyin, listen to a word, and off you go.

Still, there are tricks of the trade, and érhuàyīn (儿化音, i.e. rhoticization / “adding an R flavor” / the Beijing-R) plays some of the dirtiest tricks in the phonemic book: a rhoticized word, especially one where you only half-caught the tone or leading consonant, can be damn hard to look up in a standard dictionary.

In this snippet you get bāi yī bǎir, in line 4. That’s what the transcription team came up with in line 4: 掰一掰儿. Sure, it seems okay, but what if you had that bǎir in isolation, with the tone questionable and the final half of the syllable a muddle — would you be able to look it up?

It made me think of the following list, which is by no means complete and may not even offer the best examples; it’s just some flotsam plucked out from Beijing-R 201. Have more? Send your words this way and we’ll add them to the pile. After all, in Beijing a good rhotic syllable is like a good radish peel used to be: cheap AND delicious.

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Rough pronunciation “Proper” Pinyin Characters Gloss / usage
kuàr kuàir 块儿 a piece
hǔr, hw̌r? huǐr 会儿 一会儿，待会儿
húr, hẃr? huór 活儿 干活儿
gùr, gẁr? gùnr 棍儿 stick
kǒu zhàr kǒuzhàor 口罩儿 face mask
xífr xífur 媳妇儿 wife
jiǎnlr̀ jiǎnlòur 捡漏儿 find a deal (see this post for a tougher pronunciation than YU gives here)


In everyday speech, a Beijinger…

Characteristic Score
has Pirateshipfuls of érhuàyīn (儿化音 = rhoticization / Beijing-R) Pass — There’s plenty of cabbies that have it thicker, but the last line, with its wèir wèir wèir, hints that he could put it on as thick as Beijing smog if he wanted to. For the record, we’ll add wèir to the list of words hypothesized to be érhuàyīn-obligatory in Beijing dialect.
pronounces 那  as nèi or nè (not the “standard” nà) unless it is functioning as a noun N/A
often elides consonants in the middle of words Pass — examples of elided sh in “Wǒ shì” and “dōu shì”

No doubt a Beijinger, and a territorial one at that. You couldn’t ask for a better pirate representative to tap a bunghole and tip back a mug of grog with you this September 19th.

Posted 23 December 2009 † syz § Beijinger Checklist / BJSLBC™ § Yuèmǔ U. ‡ Comments (13) °

Waiguo in a shoe

On knowing rub-a-dub-dub, Beijing style

Maintaining a solid barrier between dreamland and reality seems like the best way to avoid doing a Carl Jung. As Sara Corbett described his mental state in 1913:

Jung, who was then 38, got lost in the soup of his own psyche. He was haunted by troubling visions and heard inner voices. Grappling with the horror of some of what he saw, he worried in moments that he was, in his own words, “menaced by a psychosis” or “doing a schizophrenia.”

On the other hand, maybe you don’t want to avoid doing a Carl Jung. After all, you remember back* to the days when it all blended together, right? It was way more fun. There was the friend your parents called imaginary, the ability to fly that somehow landed you at the bottom of the stairs when you tried it after breakfast…

So today instead of maintaining the illusory separation, just strap yourself into a shoe and let’s visit wàiguó (外国 = a foreign country, i.e. not China), for no particular reason except that you’re three and you’re killing time in the Smart Kid Academy lobby with Mom and Dad, waiting for older sister to get out of her weekend lesson:

[As usual, the text linked to audio is available on a separate page -- we aim to serve the ubernerd. And let me know if it doesn't work: bjshengr at gmail and dot com]

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1 Boy Māma, nǐ huítóu gěi wǒ zhǎo yīge, gěi wǒ mǎi yīge ZHÈme dàde xié. 妈妈，你回头给我找一个给我买一个这么大的鞋 Mommy, can you find me a, buy me a shoe that’s THIS big?
2 Dad Nà shì xié háishì xiāngzi ya? 那是鞋还是箱子呀？ Is that a shoe or a suitcase?
3 Boy Bùshì! Wǒ yíhòu chuān nèige xié 不是，我以后穿那个鞋。 No! Later [when I get older] I’m going to wear that shoe.
4 Dad Nǐ yíhòu yě chuānbùliǎo, nǐ kàn bàba de xié duō dà gèr a. Nǐ zuìduō yě jiù zhǎngde xiàng bàba de jiǎo zhème dà. Hái néng bǐ bàba de jiǎo hái dà? Zài dà, dàde yě yǒuxiàn. Nǐ mǎi nème dà xié nǐ gànma? Càng zài lǐmian shuìjiào ya? 你以后也穿不了，你看爸爸的鞋多大个儿呀，你最多也就长得像爸爸的脚这么大，还能比爸爸的脚还大？再大，大得也有限。你买那么大鞋你干嘛？藏在里面睡觉呀？ You won’t be able to wear it later. Look at how big Daddy’s shoes are. At the most your feet will grow as big as Daddy’s. Or will they be able grow bigger than Daddy’s? Maybe bigger, but there’s a limit. What do you buy such a big shoe for? Hide inside it and go to sleep?
5 Boy Māma, Māma gěi wǒ tuō dào wàiguó qù. 妈妈，妈妈给我托到外国去 Mommy — Mommy can send me off to a foreign country.
6 Dad A, gěi nǐ tuōyùn dào wàiguó qù? 呵，给你托运到外国去？ Huh, ship you to a foreign country?
7 Boy Duì. 对。 Yeah.
8 Dad Gànmá qù ya? Dāng xiǎoniúdú mài le? 干嘛去呀？当小牛犊卖了？ Go for what? To be like sold like a little calf?
9 Boy Shàng wàiguó wánwan 上外国玩玩。 Go to a foreign country to play / have some fun.
10 Dad Wánrwanr zài huílai? 玩玩再回来？ Play and then come back?
11 Boy Duì. 对 Right.
12 Dad Nà, nà zěnme gěi nǐ tuō – tuō chū qù ya? Zěnme gěi nǐ tuō chū qù ya? 那，那怎么给你托，托出去呀？怎么给你托出去呀？ Then, then how do we ship — ship you over there? How do we ship you there?
13 Boy A? Ná yīgè xié, fēng zài lǐtou, ránhòu gē kǒudàir lǐ, ránhòu — du du du du du — ránhòu bǎ wǒ dài fēijī shang, ránhòu dǎkāi xiédài, Māma dǎkāi xié, ránhòu wǒ yī kàn, zài wàimian yī kàn… 啊？拿一个鞋，封在里头，然后 搁口袋儿里，然后。。。然后把我带飞机上，然后打开鞋带，妈妈打开鞋，然后我一看，在外面一看… Huh? Take a shoe, seal me inside, then put it in a sack, then — du du du du du — then take me onto the airplane, then untie the shoestrings, Mommy opens the shoe, then I just look around — outside just look and …
14 Dad … yī kàn, dé, biēsǐ le, méiyǒu yǎngqì, biēsǐ le. 一看，得，憋死了，没有氧气，憋死了 … look and — oh no — suffocated to death. No oxygen, so you suffocate to death.
15 Boy Ránhòu, ránhòu yòu fēi fēi, fēi guòlai, ránhòu wǒ jiù tiào xiàlai, (bù qīngchu) (xiào shēng) 然后，然后又飞飞飞过来，然后我就跳下来，（不清楚）（笑声） And then, then fly fly, fly back again, then I just jump down, (unclear) (laughter)
16 Dad Nǐ yào qù wàiguó, qù něi guójiā ya? Nǐ xiǎng qù něi xiē guójiā ya? 你要去外国，去哪个国家呀？你想去哪些国家呀？ If you want to go to a foreign country, what country do you want to go to? What countries do you want to go to?
17 Boy Qiānguó wànguó yā zhī lí! 千国万国压枝梨 Muddled line of a poem which reads “qiān duǒ wàn duǒ yā zhī dī.” Since he uses guó (which means country) it’s like saying “Thousand Country, Ten thousand Country…”
18 Mom Xiǎng qù nǎge guójiā ya? 想去哪个国家呀？ What country do you want to go to?
19 Boy a … Shānguó 嗯。。山国 uh, Mountain Country
20 Mom Shānguó? Méi tīng shuō guo. 山国？没听说过 Mountain country? I haven’t heard of that.
21 Boy Jiùshi jiùshi dì shān (sān?) ge guó. 就是，就是第山（三？）个国。 It’s just, it’s really the mountain (the Three Kingdoms?) country.
22 Dad Sānguó ya? Nà shì Sānguó Yǎnyì! Nà shì Zhōngguó de. 三国呀？那是三国演义！那是中国的。 The three kingdoms? That’s the Romance of the Three Kingdoms! That’s part of China.
23 Mom Nǐ hē bu hē le? 你还喝不喝了？！ Are you going to drink or not?!
24 Dad Háiyào qù shénme guójiā ya? 还要去什么国家呀？ What other country do you want to go to?
25 Boy Làiguó… jiùshì Lài — sh — nèige guó 赖国。。。就是赖使那个。国 Lai Country… that’s Lai — sh — that country.
26 Dad Shénme jiào … Lài sh? Něi guó ya? Xiǎoyǔ, guówài de, guójiā de míngzi dōu wàng le ba? Wàiguó nèixiē guójiā de míngzi dōu shìbushì dōu wàng le? … a 什么叫。。？赖使？哪国呀？小雨，国外的，国家的名字都忘了吧？ 外国那些国家的名字都是不是都忘了？ 。。。 啊 What’s that? Lai sh? What country? Xiaoyu [name], you forgot all those foreign country names didn’t you? Foreign places, those foreign country names — you forgot them all, didn’t you? … right
27 Boy Bù hē la 不喝啦 I won’t drink any more
28 Boy Wàiguó? 外国？ Foreign countries?
29 Mom Dōu zhīdao nǎxiē guójiā? Shuōchūlai wǒ tīngting. 都知道哪些国家？说出来我听听 What countries do you know? Tell me, I’ll listen.
30 Dad Dōu shénme, wàiguó dōu yǒu nǎxiē guójiā ya? 都什么，外国都有哪些国家呀？ What are they? What sorts of countries are there?
31 Dad Nǐ dōu shuōbuchūlai, Māma jiù bù dài nǐ qù le. 你都说不出来，妈妈就不带你去了 If you don’t say them, Mommy won’t take you there.
32 Mom Bǐrú shuō, Měiguó 比如说，美国 Like, America
33 Boy a? 啊？ yeah?
34 Mom Bǐrú shuō, Měiguó, háiyǒu nǎr? 比如说，美国，还有哪儿？ Like America, where else?
35 Dad Àodàlìyà 澳大利亚 Australia
36 Boy Duì 对 Yeah
37 Dad Nánfēi 南非 South Africa
38 Mom Nǐ shuō 你说 Tell us.
39 Boy Yìnzhōu! 印州！ Yin State!
40 Dad Yìnzhōu?! Wǒde tiān, Yìnzhōu zài nǎr? 印州？！我的天，印州在哪儿？ Yin State?! My gosh, where is Yin State?
41 Mom Nǐ yòu biān yīgè (xiào) 你又编一个（笑） You made one up again (laughing)
42 Dad Chuānhǎo le méiyou? Chuānhǎo zǒule, chīfàn qùle, zǒule. 穿好了没有？穿好走了，吃饭去了，走吧 Do you have your clothes all on? Get them all on and let’s go, go eat lunch.
43 Dad Zǒu ba! 走吧！ Let’s go!

Text and subtext

Too bad the mother’s comments don’t come through so well [hazards of surreptitious recording in public places]. Most of it’s not transcribed, but you can catch pieces. There’s something quintessentially Chinese Mom about the eat-more-drink-more monologue that runs parallel to the main conversation. As you can hear from the kid’s (non)response, it’s mostly ignored unless it becomes very insistent.

Unshared culture

David Moser’s thoughtful take on the difficulties of learning Chinese mentions the lack of shared history

one of the main reasons Chinese is so difficult for Americans is that our two cultures have been isolated for so long. The reason reading French sentences like “Le président Bush assure le peuple koweitien que le gouvernement américain va continuer à défendre le Koweit contre la menace irakienne,” is about as hard as deciphering pig Latin is not just because of the deep Indo-European family resemblance, but also because the core concepts and cultural assumptions in such utterances stem from the same source. We share the same art history, the same music history, the same history history

That all seems true enough, you say, but surely that’s not going to matter in conversations with three-year-olds?

Of course not, unless your child genius makes no fewer than two references to Chinese culture and history that you have no clue about — because you grew up in a small town in eastern Washington where the only reference you ever made to China was the imagined conversation that would take place when you dug your mud pit deep enough to reach the other side of the earth.

But this is not about being a child genius and therein lies part of the problem. The references are so garbled as to be incomprehensible to someone who doesn’t know them already. To an adult who shares the background, though, it’s child’s play.

The first reference (line 17) is pretty clearly line 2 from this well-known poem Tang dynasty poem by Du Fu:

江畔独步寻花 jiāng pàn dú bù xún huā Enjoying Flowers Walking Alone on a Riverbank
杜甫 Dù Fǔ Du Fu
黄四娘家花满蹊，
 huáng sì niáng jiā huā mǎn qī, At Huang Si’s house, flowers fill the path,
千朵万朵压枝低。
 qiān duǒ wàn duǒ yā zhī dī. Myriad blossoms press the branches low.
留连戏蝶时时舞，
 liú lián xìdié shí shí wǔ, Constantly dancing butterflies stay to play,
自在娇莺恰恰啼。
 zì zài jiāo yīng qià qià tí. Unrestrained, the lovely orioles cry.

If you play around with the consonants, it’s pretty easy to go from Du Fu’s “qiān duǒ wàn duǒ yā zhī dī” to our orator’s “Qiānguó wànguó yā zhī lí!”

Above translation available from here — apologies that the Beijing Sounds Tang poetry translators were not on hand this week to vouch for it.

The second reference (line 21) is to the Romance of the Three Kingdoms, another bit of history that’s even more lost to graduates of the US educational system than, say, “to each according to his needs“.  Even if you didn’t get the hint, his father did (line 22), and expanded on it, and therefore if you don’t know it you’re going to end up lost in this, the most juvenile of conversations. You can’t chalk it up to having encountered the world’s only three-year-old Chinese history buff. The three-kingdom reference is probably nothing more unusual than the three-men-in-a-tub reference an American kid would make, something that might cross his mind if he was setting out for waiguo in a shoe. It’s just part of the culture, a part that you don’t share. And so you struggle, “The words I know, but the meaning…?”

What’s a Zhonglish speaker to do? Well, make some recordings, pick them apart, and start sharing a little culture.
———–
*Maybe not so far back for the experimentally-inclined
Posted 10 December 2009 † syz § EXMARaLDA transcriptions § kid culture ‡ Comments (25) °

Scary Hanzi Followup

C’mon, you remember a time when a page of hànzì looked like this:

JuleszFig6Doesn’t this seem to parallel the 2nd, 4th and 5th levels of Hanzi Hell? If you buy the analogy of learning Hanzi as “texture discrimination”, the money quote from today’s Language Log post is:

The texture-perception literature is full of contrasts among local features that “directly contribute” to texture discrimination, local features that contribute via their statistical distribution, and local features that are not accessible at all to pre-attentive texture discrimination.

Emphasis added. Without claiming to have any answers, and certainly without knowing jack about the subject, would it be too presumptuous of the Beijing Sounds studios to propose that “pre-attentive” might be malleable, specifically that it changes as one learns hanzi, or any new script for that matter?

[Yes, apologies, another audioless post -- regular Sounds to resume in near future]

Posted 25 November 2009 † syz § Hanzi / writing system topics ‡ Comments (3) °

Sound off: Mandarin literacy, Chinese style

On a new blog with a different view of Mandarin literacy acquisition

No matter how fervently you sometimes wish it weren’t the case, Mandarin literacy requires learning hànzì (汉字 = Chinese characters). And literacy is an absolutely essential component of full language acquisition for modern Mandarin. Ergo about two years ago I embarked on a self-paced (read: slow) literacy program, having managed to put off the task for five blissful years of Beijing sound — fricatives, plosives, pure vowels, dipthongs, nasals and the like, much of it heavily rhoticized, largely in classes at YU — unadulterated by worldly worries about writing systems.

Without too much simplification, the path to (yet-to-be-achieved) full language acquisition could be described roughly as follows:

2002 Sounds and vocabulary, basic syntax, poor Pinyin, failed attempts at hànzì memorization.
2003 More vocabulary and syntax, fairly complete Pinyin. Not a further glance at hànzì.
2004-6 More vocabulary and most regularly spoken grammar. Willful hànzì ignorance.
2007 Very reluctant decision to begin recognizing hànzì.
2008 Recognition of more characters. Conscious decision not to handwrite but only to use computer (Pinyin) input. Progress seemingly rapid.
2009 Q1-Q3 Progress stymied by embarrassing confusion of long-ago “learned” characters. Anki incorporated into studies with vengeance, but problem persists.
October 2009 Ignominious capitulation. Abandonment of the reverently held principle that character handwriting was for Luddites, Oriental Exoticizers, and the brainwashed. The humbled studio director mutely takes his bitter pill (哑巴吃黄连 — yǎba chī huánglián) daily in the form of Pleco flashcard tests of character handwriting.

Verdict from 20/20 hindsight? Mistakes were made. Specifically and most outrageously, it no longer seems reasonable to believe that you can recognize your way to literacy, i.e. know the characters when you see them but never have to actually, physically, painstakingly write them out by hand. Well, maybe it works for someone — this is, after all, a sample of one — but since I began to write characters myself, my grasp has gotten firmer (bad pun intended). The once ever present danger of misrecognizing the simplest character has receded somewhat; the muscle memories complement the neural memories in a way that makes it much more difficult to draw a blank. It’s not even really that hard, arguably not as hard as the work that was put into avoiding the task in the first place.

It’s this revised view of Mandarin literacy acquisition that has piqued my interest in following Randy Alexander’s new blog, Yǔwén 语文 (meaning “language”), which explicates language-learning from the first-grade student’s perspective and which is also the latest addition to the bjshengr.com melange of language-in-China websites. As he says in the intro:

The aim of this project is to discover and report on how Chinese native speakers learn their own writing system, to facilitate comparisons with non-native speaker Chinese language programs such as those in universities and other schools, and in self-study textbooks.

I am writing a post for each lesson in the first grade textbook, and doing it at approximately the same pace as the lessons are presented in a Chinese public school; my son is currently in first grade at a typical Chinese elementary school, and the posting dates follow the dates of his assignments in the textbook (I backdate some of the posts).

There’s a clear parallel between Randy’s reports from a standard Chinese first grade textbook and my newly revised view on how I wish I had gone through the steps of Mandarin acquisition. Given the same amount of time, I might have taken a path similar to what he describes for the first grader: several years of spoken language acquisition (supplemented, in the adult second language learner’s case, by Pinyin) followed by intensive hànzì study in which recognition precedes production (i.e. writing) by weeks or months but probably not by years.

Is the “going to first grade” approach going to be the final answer to Mandarin language acquisition? No, and as Randy says in the introduction, that’s not what it’s intended to be. Rather, the blog provides context and analysis for what’s going on as native speakers of Mandarin learn their writing system, something every Zhonglish speaker has to tackle as well, sooner or later and like it or not.
Posted 22 November 2009 † syz § Blogroll ‡ Comments (2) °

Sound off: Your own private Hanzismatter for Halloween

On the demons that haunt the Hanzismatter netherworld

If you sample the pleasures of Hanzismatter, it’s hard not to hit the subscribe button. Once subscribed, the rewards are plentiful. The posting rate is leisurely, one every week or two, and the content is always nectar for the bee in your schadenfreude bonnet. Mostly it’s the muscleheads and exoticists who end up with “ugly boy” on their biceps or “sacrificial grasshopper” on their bums. Sometimes, even more sweetly, it’s the academic journal whose front cover sample of classical Chinese turns out to be a brothel advertisement, or the book about “Chinese symbols” that has one upside-down on its cover.

At the same time you have a nagging suspicion that, for a Zhonglish speaker and student of Hanzi, Hanzismatter is a guilty pleasure leading you to dark places you’d be better off not knowing about. On the one hand it couldn’t be that scary: it’s a mere taste, a dip in the pond — enervating, practically, like a small-but-salubrious dose of radiation or cigarette smoke. You’re not sure it’s even wicked, really. After all, what is Hell but Heaven misunderstood?

The Beijing Sounds studios hope to use this Halloween as an opportunity to frighten you out of this complacency. Today, based on scientific examination and extensive documentation* of the Hanzismatter phenomenon, along with liberal use of joss sticks and seers, the staff is proud to present:

Denizens of Hanzismatter

Level
Name
 Description Sample Residents

1

Exotic Others

 The visitor to this level (who is neither student nor Zhonglish speaker) encounters mystifying curls, sharp hooks, forceful strokes and gentle swabs — but nothing resembling language. Typical comment: “Oh, you can write stuff with this?” For details, see Hanzismatter See Hanzismatter

2

Shadow players

 On this level the student encounters, as if in a dream induced by an anodyne, a dizzying conflation and reseparation of characters that have almost nothing in common except a general overall shape.Students often realize they’ve reached this level in a moment of clarity that parallels the classic mourning process:

  • Shock — “this doesn’t make any sense at all”
  • Denial — “huh, did the dictionary get the wrong pronunciation?”
  • Bargaining — “Okay, okay, I guess they are different, so I’m gonna remember that the component on the bottom is different — but that top stuff is all about the same” (leads directly to Level 4, below)
  • Guilt — “I am the world’s worst Hanzi student; clearly I just don’t care [sob]“
  • Anger — @!丫#刁*^虲
  • Depression — “I will never, never, never, never, never…”
  • Resignation — “Put them both in Anki and get on with it”
  • Acceptance — “It’s fun to decipher and differentiate. Really. Soy Feliz.”
 盖，善
绊，详
捞，伤

3

Personal Devils

 In certain ways the specters of this level should be more frightening than the shadow players, because they are pairs of characters that are connected by only the thinnest threads — a misplaced component here, a vowel sound there. Yet the student is comforted at the thought that, somehow, in some way, neural pathways are connecting in ways that will eventually sort themselves out. Idiosyncratic by definition, e.g. in this writer’s case:
棍，谐
臭，厚

4

One-dimensional warlocks

 These spooks promote the confusion of two characters that are really not much alike except insofar as they locate one component part in the same place, e.g. the bottom-right 力 found in the example at the right. In the student’s defense, the remaining components often have vaguely the same shape.At this level it is fair to say that the student has only just begun to pay attention to character components. 掌，拿
择，棒

5

Decorative doppelgangers

 Those who don’t know their devils would treat the Decorative Doppelgangers as just a variation on the warlocks of Level 4, but the most frightening aspect of the DDs is that the student feels progress has been made. “After all, I correctly matched the pattern on the vast majority of the real estate. All these details are overrated, anyway: three-drop water, two drop water — whatever.” 除，涂

6

Semantic polygamists

 Closely related to the DDs above, the Semantic Polygamists marry the same phonetic to another component to form a “different” word or morpheme whose meaning is sometimes so close that you wonder what sadist thought of differentiating them in the first place. 荒，慌

7

Phonetic Phantoms

 Sneaky phonetic component (dis)similarities, especially when one (e.g. 亡 in example on right) is a pretty useful and productive phonetic component but the other has nothing to do with it. 汇，亡

8

The truly wicked

 To achieve this level of infamy, two characters must not only differ by just a single flick of the seemingly errant finger, they must also occur in print at roughly the same frequency. For example, although an earlier post accused 日 and 曰 of falling into this “minimal pair” category, the studio staff decided, on the basis of reader input, that it actually didn’t qualify precisely because 曰 was such a rare character and 日 so common.

The student at this level is tempted to give up on isolated encounters entirely, “If only I could always see the characters in context, surely I wouldn’t be this confused.” After all, each of the truly wicked is more than likely to be part of a two-character word in the context of a larger sentence. Why not just forget about learning them in isolation?

The truth is, though, that relying on context always comes back to haunt you, somehow. Sure, there’s safety in numbers, but inevitably, as byway leads on to byway, eventually you find yourself off the main thoroughfare, away from the crowds, during the witching hour. It’s a twisted street in an unfamiliar hútòngr (胡同儿 = neighborhood), dimly lit by only the blue sign of a massage parlor menu offering theirs “European style”. You’re badly in need of directions but not sure who you dare to approach. The character lingering out front looks oddly familiar, yet not altogether friendly. You decide to greet him by name…

 奏，秦
拨，拔
衣，农
己，已

The depths of Hanzismatter: how far do you dare to go this Halloween?

NB: posting a few days early so you can get your costume ready. If you prefer buffoonish to scary, you could always dress up as Biang.

——————–

* Granted, the sample size of one, studio director syz’s personal Anki flashcard collection, might be questioned by the mathematically challenged. But rest assured, dear readers, that the relevant departments are working hard to ensure accurate and rapid scientific development.

Posted 28 October 2009 † syz § Hanzi / writing system topics ‡ Comments (9) °

Soundbites: Hitmen on the street

What you’ve always wanted to mutter as you watch yet another eyes-glazed new driver white-knuckle his way through an intersection, oblivious to the little girl he almost knocked off her grandfather’s bicycle and clueless to the chaos he’s created from having just stopped in the middle of the intersection while he got his bearings and decided to take a left from the right-turn lane.

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Nále běnzi dànshì, yǒu zhízhào dànshì kāichē jìshù bùxíng. Běijīnghuà guǎn zhèi xiē rén jiào “mǎlù shāshǒu.”
拿了本子但是，有执照但是开车技术不行。北京话管这些人叫“马路杀手”
They’ve gotten their license but, they’ve got the license but their driving skill’s no good. In Beijing dialect they call these people “Road Killers” [mǎlù is "road" and shāshǒu is "hitman/killer"]

Extra BJS bucks, as usual, to the reader who supplies a more pungent translation.

[Update: fixed the mid-draft transcript -- not sure how that happened.]

Posted 19 October 2009 † syz § BJS Daily § useful but hard to find Beijing dialect vocabulary ‡ Comments (6) °

Soundbites: bucks or dollarrrs

Zhonglish speakers learn pretty quick that you hardly ever hear yuán (元 = RMB, Chinese unit of money) in casual contexts; kuài (块) is the unit of choice, more common than “bucks” in the US.

But what about yuánr? This was a first for the BJS studios, from a discussion with a driver about taxi economics:

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Yīnwèi tā háiyào gěi zhèige jiāo èrbǎi lái yuánr zheige, jiùshi měitiān yǒu èrbǎi lái kuài qián de chē fènr qián.
因为他还要给这个交二百来元儿这个，就是每天有二百来块钱的车分儿车份儿钱。
…because he still has to pay 200 dollars [rmb], every day there’s 200 bucks of car lease money.

Posted 18 October 2009 † syz § BJS Daily § unexpected érhuàyīn ‡ Comments (5) °