Last week the unstoppable Elyse Ribbons (pic above bottom left), big enchilada at Beijing’s Cheeky Monkey Theater, approached the Beijing Sounds studios about spreading the word on her new play, written, as she puts it, “entirely in my version of Mandarin”.

BJS director, Syz, immediately began salivating at the thought of high-quality Zhonglish along with wads of payola. Regarding the latter, though, he was also keenly aware that the majority of his three-member fan club resides outside Beijing, thus reducing the likelihood of their attendance. Not wanting to miss out on the Zhonglish, he quickly negotiated himself a private screening of last Sunday’s rehearsal and muttered something about “great synergistic potential” when Elyse pressed him on his own box office numbers.

The reward? Not only does the play have Zhonglish in abundance, primarily thanks to Theodore Ribbons, but it also has… what-to-call-it… zhōngçais? Here’s Elyse as her French-speaking character, entering an apartment where the two 铁哥们 (”Iron Brothers”) do most of their dialog.

Short zhōngçais clip*:

[Go to website or bottom of this post to listen to audio]

Link to mp3

我很喜欢中国，特别是中国菜呀，中国零食，还有中国人啊。
Wǒ hěn [ěn] xǐhuān [xǐ'uān] Zhōngguó, tèbié shì Zhōngguó cài ya, Zhōngguó língshí [línshí?], háiyǒu Zhōngguórén a.
I really like China, especially Chinese food, Chinese snacks, and Chinese people!

Here’s a longer audio clip that contains that bit of zhōngçais, but alas there’s no time to transcribe unless it would be to finish it in time for the 2012 re-opening.

[Go to website or bottom of this post to listen to audio]

link to mp3

With such a short clip, the analysis is pretty easy. Mostly what we have here is missing syllable initial /h/. There also might be something going on with that língshí pronounced as línshí. But one of you with some French in your brain will have to weigh in on that issue, since the Beijing Sounds studios already spent October’s French linguistic specialist funds on unspecified “entertainment” charges.

It’s really not enough of a clip to start a whole zhōngçais series, but if there’s a reader out there who’s a speaker or knows one, it’d be great fun to spend some time with some real dialog. Let me know in the comments or send an email (syz <at> sinoglot <dot> com).

Back to the play itself, the big prize, of course, from a linguistic perspective, is long runs of Zhonglish. I’ve got some of those recorded from the rehearsal, but not enough time to do anything with them.

I’m planning to make it to the Saturday performance. If any of you do the same, let me know and we’ll say nǐhǎo, or something more personable. FYI the play runs from today through the 23rd.  Tickets can be found here; play storyline here.

To fellow Zhonglish speaker Elyse: break a leg!

——–

* Elyse promises the barking dog will not be a part of the regular production.

Since the first thing to vary in non-Beijing Mandarin is often the tone on a word [unsubstantiated impression -- it would be cool to know of an actual study on this], and since Zhonglish speakers are not as naturally clued into tones as native speakers, they might have an easier time with wàidìrén accents.

Granted, it’s a highly dubious proposition. But before answering an emphatic No, consider how easy it is to understand some of what this Nǎinai says (as she picks her grandson up from PBS’s school) regardless of her very non-Beijing tones.

[Go to website or bottom of this post to listen to audio]

Nǐ de běizi ne? … nà huíjiā suǎn le ma
你的被子呢？ … 那回家算了嘛
What about your blanket? …then go home and it’s settled.

[Update: see comments below for full translation from "doctor" -- and thanks for corrections]

[red indicates non-standard pronunciation for what should be bèizi(被子) and suànle(算了)]

Would natives be confused? Almost definitely not by suànle — context is too strong. But bèizi maybe?