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Hang the wall on the gun

Scene: A towering glass and granite building located in Shangdi, suburban Beijing, the Silicon Valley of the capital city, not far from the comparatively puny corporate campuses of Google, Baidu, IBM, etc. The building top’s massive, fengshui-correct sculpture is only slightly obfuscated by the awkward bulk of the Beijing Sounds Studios name rendered in two languages and three scripts. Zoom in to the well-upholstered executive anteroom, where two young directors are waiting in front of the surprisingly realistic faux oak door of the executive suite. David is slouching, bored, on the sofa facing Syz’s office. James is pacing nervously.

James:
Damn I wish he’d let us smoke out here.
David: You trying to die younger? Looks like you’re about to have a coronary as it is.
James: You haven’t even asked me about my idea.
David: I don’t want to ruin the fun.
James: What the hell’s that supposed to mean?
David: Nothing except that it’s a lot more fun to listen to the old man rage about how asinine your idea is and try to piece together what it is from the snippets I hear through the door.
James: Give me a break. He’s going to go apeshit over this one, and you’re going to be spending your lunar new year splicing together low quality mp3s recorded at the grocery checkout while I’m discussing distribution rights and fending off the bean noodles [a reference to the Mandarin term fěnsī, 粉丝, roughly the equivalent of "groupies."]
David: Apeshit, huh? Just like he did for your chinadogshit.com idea?
James: Would you cut it out with the chinadogshit thing? The name was Xiǎoqū Fece and it definitely would’ve opened new doors.
David: You know what kind of doors they open for folks like you who hurt the feelings of the Chinese people?
James: [hurt] You said you liked it!
David: The general idea, sure — what’s not to like about walking around every neighborhood in Beijing photographing the leave-behinds of man’s best friend as his owner inevitably fails to clean up after him? — I love the idea. And the whole cash-prize-for-poop-picker-uppers thing? Hey, I’m cynical, but that was cool. The publicity department would’ve loved it too. But talk about a godawful name. Xiǎoqū and fece don’t even rhyme and anyway you can’t just take off the S. Are you illiterate?
James: [plaintively] I had other names.
David: Anyway, you know he doesn’t do pictures. How can you suggest something that has nothing but pictures?
James: [sighing] Whatever. He said he wanted business development ideas, I gave him business development ideas. I don’t want to be blamed when he runs out of money for the heated sidewalks he’s putting around the executive garage. Anyway, this one [shaking the paper in his hand] I emailed it to him yesterday. It’s right up his alley.
David: You’re going to mike him when he goes to the massage parlor?
James: We tried that, remember? [Getting more animated]. But seriously, listen to this: this is going to be the ultimate Beijing taxi driver conversation.
David: Haven’t we done Beijing Taxi to death? I mean, we’ve got the honest driver episode, the guy who loved silkworms, the why-would-anyone-leave-Beijing guy, the “Chinese characters suck” dude… I mean, how much more of this stuff can we sell, really?
James: You don’t get it. I’m talking about the quint-es-sential conversation. I mean, you’re a foreigner who speaks a bit of Mandarin — this post will have everything that could possibly get said: all in one conversation!
David: [sardonically] What do you mean, like Dashan and “what foreigners sound like when they speak Mandarin”?
James: Exactly! It’ll start out kind of low key, with the usual “wow your Chinese is really good“ after you’ve said nothing more than “nihao.” But then we’ll really get the driver rolling. I’ve got this foreign-blogger dude we can use as a plant. He’ll bait the conversation with random statements like “foreigners are oversexed, right?” But we can also use him just for his accent — really solid Beijing. And then I know this guy who could play the driver — dude, he’s unstoppable. He’ll take off with the foreigner’s accent and start talking about how he’s got the real Beijing accent and how lots of other cab drivers from the ‘burbs are just yokels. And he’ll do their accents — he’s got a great ear for this kind of thing — and I’ve got a tone mixup line to pull it all together.
David: Hate to say it, but I’m warmin’ up to it.
James: No, it’s even better! We’ll take that whole cab-drivers-learning-English-for-the-Olympics thing and run with it. This guy will throw out phrases in six different languages. We’ll even riff on the Korean “it’s all -imnida” thing. And of course we’re gonna do the old standby: “which is harder, English or Chinese?”
David: [Dubiously] All in one cab ride?
James:
It’s all about the players, dude. Get the right people and it’ll work. Just wait till you hear this guy I’ve got to play the driver — the boss himself would laugh! In fact, [gesturing towards door behind him] I’ve even got a cameo for the hanzismattering tin-ear himself –
[Syz opens door during last sentence]
Syz: [Interrupting loudly] Pretty soon we’re gonna have a cameo for you, Thurmer. Maybe you’ve heard about it. It’s in reruns in the US right now but we’ll make a new version. It’s called Downsized, the movie.
[throws a piece of paper towards James]
Syz: Utterly unrealistic. First you jam in more stuff than any conversation could possibly hold: Dashan, learning English vs. Chinese, taxi drivers learning languages. Okay, I’m sick already. Then you pull out this random shit like comparing Chinese languages to food coupons?!

What do I keep saying about reality here? REALITY!  Get it? Is it that hard to understand? And when I say, “the occasional reproduction” I mean occasional, dammit. Not feature length. How about you rewrite the Constitution five times in longhand and have it on my desk in the morning?
James: [stammering] But, Boss, it’s based on a true story.
Syz: [Turning to David and ignoring James] Beckland, you got something we can work with?
[Fade to black]
——  ——  ——
As any Beijing Sounds reader knows, “based on a true story” is usually code for “sentimental slop served with high fructose corn syrup and a liberal dash of glib analysis.” Thank Zhongnanhai the boss didn’t permit it. But just for the record, here’s that original:

[See this page for line-by-line playback of audio with the transcript below.]

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1 SJ Pǔtōnghuà shuōde bùcuò Your Mandarin’s not bad 普通话说得不错
2 LW1 Hái còuhe Passable. 还凑合
3 SJ Nǐ něiguóde? What country are you from? 你哪国的？
4 LW1 Měiguó de America 美国的
5 SJ Měiguó de a. Oh, America. 美国的啊。
6 SJ Pǔtōng wèir hái kěyǐ a That standard pronunciation’s pretty good. 你说的这味儿还可以啊
7 LW1 Zài Běijīng dāide shíjiān cháng Been in Beijing for a long time 在北京呆的时间长
8 SJ Dāi de shíjiān cháng? Kuài qī nián le? Stayed here for a long time? Almost seven years? 呆的时间长了？快7年了？
9 SJ Dà Shān shuōde cái zhèng ne, wèir cái zhèng ne. Dà Shān wèir shuōde zhèng. The way Dashan [Canadian Mark Rowswell] speaks, now *that* is proper pronunciation. Dashan has a really proper accent. 大山说的才正呢，味儿才正呢。大山味儿说的正。
10 SJ Tā nèige yě shì yīge Zhōngguó tōng. Zhīdào Dà Shān ma? Jiānádà nèige. That guy’s a real China hand. You know Dashan? That Canadian? 他那个是一个中国通。知道大山吗？加拿大那个。
11 SYZ Bùzhīdào. Shì shéi? No, who is he? 不知道。是谁？
12 SJ [xiào] Nǐ de Zhōngguóhuà shuōde hái kěyǐ. [laughing] Your Chinese is really okay. 【笑】你的中国话说的还可以。
13 SJ Nèi huí wǒ lāguò yīhuí Dà Shān. I picked up Dashan once. 那回我拉过一回大山。
14 LW1 Shì ma? Really? 是吗？
15 SJ Wǒ yī kàn tā shànglái, wǒ shuō āiyōu “nǐ shì Dà Shān ma?” Tā shuō, “Nǐ rènde wǒ a?” Wǒ shuō, “nà kěbushì ma!” As soon as I see him get in I say wow “are you Dashan?” He says, “You recognize me?” I say, “Well how couldn’t I!” 我一看他上来，我说哎呦“你是大山吗？”他说“你认得我啊？”我说“那可不是嘛！”
16 SJ Wǒ shuō nǐ tm zhǎo wàiguórén duō hǎo a. Wǒ shuō wàiguórén yào nǎr yǒu nǎr. Nǐ fēiděi tm zhǎo Zhōngguórén. Tā shuō wǒ xǐhuān dōng — Zhōngguó nǚde, jiùshi shòuxiǎo. I say why the hell didn’t you get yourself a foreigner (for a wife). I said foreigners have what you want where you want it. What the hell do you insist on a Chinese for? He says I like eastern — Chinese women, small and thin. 我说你他妈找外国人多好啊，我说外国人要哪儿有哪儿。你非得他妈的找中国人。他说我喜欢东，中国女的，就是瘦小。
17 SJ Tā shuō wǒ xǐhuān Zhōngguó nǚde. Tā shuō, gēmenr, nǐ bùzhīdào: wàiguórén pìgu tài dà. [xiào] He says “I like Chinese women.” He says, “Man, you have no idea: foreigners’ butts are too big.” [laughing] 他说我喜欢中国女的。他说哥们儿，你不知道：外国人屁股太大。【笑】
18 SJ Tā gēn wǒ shuōde, [bùqīngchu] wàiguórén pìgu tài dà. He says to me, [unclear] foreigners’ butts are too big. 他跟我说的【不清楚】外国人屁股太大。
19 LW1 Yángrén hěn sè. Westerners are pretty oversexed. 洋人很色。
20 SJ Zhǎole yīgè Zhōngguó xífur. Nà háiyòng shuō ya? Shéi tāmāde bù sè?! Got himself a Chinese wife. [responding to comment] What kind of talk is that? Who the hell’s not oversexed?! 找了一个中国媳妇儿。那还用说呀？谁他妈的不色呀？
21 LW1 Tā hái zhù zài zhèibian? Does he still live around here? 他还住在这边？
22 SJ Wǒ shuō nǐ méi shuō xiāngshēng a? Tā shuō méiyǒu, xiànzài zuò mǎimài ne. I say, “You’re not doing crosstalk?” He says no, now he’s doing business. 我说你没说相声啊？他说没有，现在做买卖呢 。
23 SJ Tǐng yǒu yìsi. Tā bù jiù zài nà diànshì lǐ, shì ba, diànshì guǎnggào. Diànshì – Really interesting. He’s really always on TV, right, TV ads, TV — 做生意呢。他不就在那电视里，在那儿，是吧，电视广告。电视——
24 SJ diànshì lǐ tā lǎo jiāo yīngyǔ, on TV he’s always teaching English, 电视里他老教英语，
25 LW1 a shì ma? oh really? 啊是吗？
26 SJ qì chē nèi guǎnggào [bùqīngchu] doing those car advertisements [unclear] 汽车那广告，不就是净，净【不清楚】
27 SJ Zhè shì Zhōngguórén zhīdao. Wàiguórén bìng bùrènshi tā. Chinese know about him. Foreigners don’t recognize him at all. 这是中国人知道。外国人并不认识他。
28 SYZ Bìng bù rènshì tā! They really don’t! 并不认识他
29 SJ Zhè shì nǐmen Zhōngguóren — zhè shì nǐmen wàiguórén zài Zhōngguó, a, nà shéi shuō nà shéi bù cuò… nǐmen zhīdao. You Chinese — I mean, you foreigners in China — well, who’s to say who’s hot and who’s not. 这是你们中国人，这是你们外国人在中国，啊啊，那谁说那谁不错。。你们知道
30 SJ Nǐ yào wèn Jiānādàrén, tā bùzhīdào. Tā shuō shéi shì Dàshān? Shéi jiào Dàshān, bùzhīdào. If you ask Canadians, they don’t know him. They’ll say, “who’s Dashan?” They have no idea who Dashan is. 你要问加拿大人，他不知道。他说谁是大山？谁叫大山，不知道。
31 SJ

32 SJ Zhōngguórén jiǎrú yǒu yīge zài Měiguó tè yǒu míngr, shéi tm bùzhīdào a. Zánmen lǎobǎixìng shéi zhīdào! Cào. For Chinese, if there’s a Chinese in America who’s really famous — who the hell knows’em? We regular guys have no idea! Shit. 就跟中国人，假如有一个在美国特有名儿，谁他妈知道啊。老百姓谁知道！操。
33 SJ Nà nǐ kàn nǐmen Měiguórén zài Zhōngguó yě tè nèi nèige shénmede, rénjiā Měiguórén bùzhīdào a. Shéi ràng nǐ zài Zhōngguó tm nème niú. [xiào] Then there’s you Americans in China, also some kind of special… — [know things that] other Americans don’t know. Who told you to get so goddamn hip in China? [laughing] 那你看你们美国人在中国也特那那个什么的，人家美国人不知道啊。谁让你在中国他妈那么牛？【笑】
34 SJ Tīngdedǒng a? Dōu tīngdedǒng a? Dōu shuōde tǐng bùcuò le. Zhōngguó huà dōu shuōde hěnhǎo. You understand [what I'm saying]? You understand everything? Really not bad, you all really speak Chinese pretty well. 听的懂啊？都听的懂啊？都说得挺不错的。中国话都说得很好。
35 LW1 Zài Zhōngguó dāide shíjiān cháng le. Been in China for a long time. 在中国呆的时间长了。
36 SJ A dāide shíjiān chángle. Oh, been here a long time. 啊，呆的时间长了。
37 SJ Wǒ shì zhèngjīng(r) Běijīngrén, chénglǐde. I’m a proper Beijinger, from the city itself. 我是正经（儿）北京人，城里的。
38 LW1 a — chénglǐde Uh-huh 啊——城里的
39 SJ Wǒ shì chénglǐ rén. I’m from the city center. 我是城里人。
40 SYZ wei — chūzūchē nèige – But — taxi, uh — 喂，出租车那个——
41 SJ Hǎo duō chūzū dōu shì yuǎnjiāoqū nóngmín, dōu shì yuǎnjiāoqū ma. A lot of taxi [drivers] are farmers from the outer districts — they’re all from outer districts. 好多出租都是远郊区农民，都是远郊区嘛。
42 SJ Wǒ shuō huà wèir zhèng, méiyǒu kǒuyīn, zhīdào ba. Tāmen yǒu de shuō huà yǒu kǒuyīn, wǒ méi kǒuyīn. I speak the language with an authentic flavor, no accent you know. They speak with an accent; I don’t have an accent. 我说话味儿正，没有口音，知道吧 ？他们有的说话有口音，我没口音。
43 SJ duì, Mìyún, Yánqìng, Pínggǔ de — tā shuō huà zhèi wèir gēn wǒmen wèir bùyíyàng. Right, these Miyun, Yanqing, Pinggu [all distant districts that are still technically "Beijing"] folks — the flavor of their accent’s not the same as ours. 对，密云、延庆、平谷的，他说话这味儿跟我们味儿不一样。
44 LW1 Shì ma? Bù zhèng. Really? Not standard. 是吗？不正。
45 SJ Ā duì duì duì, wèir wèir wèir bù neme — Běijīnghuà wèir bù neme zhèng Right, right, right — the flavor’s not that — the Beijing dialect flavor’s not that standard. 啊对对对，味儿味儿味儿不那么——北京话味儿不那么正。
46 SJ Hái jiǎrú shuō ba: “hē tāng”, shìba? Huòzhe shuō: “lái wǎn tāng”. Take the phrase “eat soup [tāng]” for example. Or “bring me a bowl of soup.” 咱假如说吧：“喝汤”，是吧？或者说：“来碗汤”
47 SJ Tāmen Pīnggǔde jiùshi, a, Yánqìngde, tā jiǎnghuà: “chéng táng a! chéng táng a!” These Pinggu or Yanqing folks, they say: “serve me some sugar!” [táng is "sugar" as opposed to tāng, which is "soup"] 他们平谷的就是，啊，延庆的，他讲话：“盛汤táng啊！盛汤táng啊！”
48 SJ Nèi yìsi jiùshi “chéng wǎn tāng”. Tā guǎn “tāng” jiù jiào “táng”, shuō “chéng táng a!” jiùshi “chéngtáng” jiùshi “chéng wǎn tāng”! They really mean “serve me some soup”. They call it “sugar” instead of “soup”. They say “serve me some sugar, serve sugar!” which is supposed to be “serve a bowl of soup”! 那意思就是“盛碗汤”。他管“汤”就叫“táng”，说“盛汤táng啊！”就是“盛汤táng”就是“盛碗汤”
49 LW1 Jiùshi shēngdiào dōu biàn le. So really the tone completely changes. 就是声调都变了
50 SJ A, duì duì — wèir — bùshì — tā de wèir dōu biànle. “Chéng táng a?” Tā nème ge yīn. Yeah, exactly — the flavor, uh, his accent changes it. “Serve sugar?” He has this kind of pronunciation. 啊对对——味儿——不是——他的味儿都变了。“盛汤啊？”他那么个音。
51 SJ Pínggǔ shuōhuà shénme ya? Tā yīshēng yīnfu gen èrshēng yīnfu bù fēn What does a Pinggu speaker say? They can’t distinguish a first tone from a second tone. 平谷说话什么呀？他一声音符跟二声音符不分
52 SJ Yīshēngyīn zán — jiǎrú shénme ya — shénme nèige, yīshēngyīn, èrshēngyīn, sānshēngyīn, sìshēngyīn First tone — for example — well, first tone, second tone, third tone, fourth tone — 一声音咱，假如什么呀，什么那个，一声音，二声音，三声音，四声音——
53 SJ Jiǎrú shì ba, jiù gēn nèi Zhōngguó de “zhōng” zì a — zhōng, zhóng, zhǒng zhòng — tā yīshēngyīn gēn èrshēngyīn tā bù fēn. like, think about the Chinese character zhōng — zhōng, zhóng, zhǒng zhòng — they can’t differentiate the first and second tones. 假如是吧，就跟那中国的中字啊——zhōng, zhóng, zhǒng zhòng——他一声音跟二声音他不分。
54 SJ Wǒmen chénglǐrén jiù shuō: “bǎ qiāng guà qiáng shàng.” We city people might say: “hang the gun [qiāng] on the wall [qiáng].” 我们城里人就说：“把枪挂墙上“，就把枪啊挂墙上。
55 SJ Tā wèir ne jiù biàn le. Tā bǎ qiáng guà qiáng shang — tā bǎ qiáng guà qiāng shang. In their accent it changes. They hang the wall [qiáng] on the gun [qiāng] — they hang the wall on the gun. 他味儿呢就变了。他把墙挂枪上——他把墙挂枪上。
56 SJ Nèi yìsi jiùshì — tā wèir tā jiù chūlái le. Nà, nèi yìsi jiùshi Pínggǔ wèir, shìbushì, zánmen chénglǐrén shuō “ei bǎ qiāng guà qiáng shang.” That means — their accent just comes out like this. Then, well that’s just the Pinggu accent, you know, we city folks say “hey, hang the gun on the wall.” 那意思就是——他味儿它就出来了。那，那意思就是平谷味儿，是不是，咱们城里人说：“诶，把枪挂墙上”。
57 SJ Bǎ zhèi qiāng a, ná shǒuqiāng(r) guà qiáng shang. Tā ne jiùshi bǎ qiáng guà qiāng shang! Tā liǎng yīn bù fēn. “Take this pistol and hang it on the wall.” But they go: “hang the wall on the gun!” They don’t distinguish the two sounds. 把这枪啊，拿手枪（儿）挂墙上。他呢就是把墙挂枪上！他俩音不分。
58 SJ Zhèi wèir dōu chūlái le [xiào] The accent comes out like this [laughing] 这味儿就出来了【笑】
59 SJ Jiùshi yǒu yīdiǎnr yìsi [xiào] It’s all just for fun [laughing] 他听着有点儿意思【笑】
60 SJ O(r)K OK OK
61 LW1 O-le Okay [using it as it's borrowed into Mandarin] O 了
62 SJ Ei — “hola” nǐhǎo, Xībānyá Hey, “hola” is “nihao” in Spanish… 诶——“hola” 你好，西班牙
63 LW1 A duì: “hola” Oh, right, “hola.” 啊对：hola
64 SJ “hola” nǐhǎo Xībānyá “hola” — “nihao” in Spanish. “hola” 你好，西班牙
65 LW1 Nár xuěde? Where did you learn it? 哪儿学的？
66 SJ A? Huh? 啊？
67 LW1 Jiùshi shénme shíhòu xuéde shì qùnián … àoyùnhuì? I mean, when did you learn it? Last year … the olympics? 就是什么时候学的？是去年…奥运会？
68 SJ Àoyùnhuì? Àoyùnhuì bùxué zhèige? Àoyùn yào xué Yīngyǔ. The Olympics? For the Olympics we didn’t study this we studied English. 奥运会？奥运会不学这个，奥运会要学英语。
69 SJ [Yīngyǔ] [speaking English] Hello, do you want a taxi? Where are you going? 【英语】
70 SYZ Zhēn bùcuò ba! Really not bad! 真不错吧！
71 SJ [Yīngyǔ] Nǐ yào qù nǎr? [Yīngyǔ] Where are you going? [then translates into Mandarin] Thank you very much. How are you. 【英语】“你要去哪儿”【英语】
72 SYZ Háiyǒu shénme? What else do you have? 还有什么？
73 LW1 Ránhòu zhèi zhèi Xībānyáyǔ ne? Then what about that Spanish? 然后这这西班牙语呢？
74 SJ Xībānyá zhèi jǐ jù: “hola” nǐhǎo “gracias” xièxie “adios” báibái — zàijiàn. Spanish just a few phrases: “hola”, hello; “gracias”, thanks; “adios”, bye-bye. 西班牙就几句：”hola” 你好 “gracias” 谢谢 “adios” 拜拜，再见。
75 SJ “adios”, duì ba? “Adios”, right? Adios, 对吧
76 LW1 adios adios adios
77 SJ AdiosDéguóhuà shì “Guten Tag” “Adios” In German there’s “Guten Tag” Adios德国话是（”Guten Tag”）
78 SYZ Wà, wà, tài… Wow, that’s really… 哇！哇！太。。。
79 SJ “Danke” xièxie, “Tschüss” báibái, “Tschüss” zàijiàn. “Danke” thanks, “Tschüss” bye-bye, “Tschüss” good-bye. “单克”谢谢，“具思”拜拜，“具思”再见
80 SYZ Zhēn lìhai! Awesome! 真厉害！
81 SJ Déguóhuà shìbushì? “Bitte” bùkèqì, fǎguó shì, “Salut!” nǐhǎo, “Bonjour, où vas tu? Bonjour” nǐhǎo, “Bonjour, où vas tu?” nǐhǎo qù nǎr, “Merci” xièxie. In German, right? “Bitte” is “you’re welcome”. In French there’s “Salut!” — hello. “Bonjour, où vas tu? Bonjour” — hello, where are you going? “Merci” — thank you. 德国话是不是？比特”Bitte”不客气，法国是，撒率”Salut!”你好，”Bonjour, où vas tu? Bonjour”你好”Bonjour, où vas tu?”你好，去哪儿？”Merci” 谢谢！
82 SJ Ng, “Au revoir” [ōuwàng] báibái, “ōuwàng” zàijiàn. Uh, “Au revoir” bye-bye, “au revoir” good-bye. 嗯，欧旺拜拜，欧旺，法语
83 LW2 Háiyǒu shénme yǔyán a? Any other languages? 还有什么语呀？
84 SJ Rìběnhuà: “konnichiwa, arigato gozaimasu” Shì ba? “Sayonara.” Japanese: “konnichiwa, arigato gozaimasu” Right? “Sayonara.” 日本话，”konnichiwa, arigato gozaimasu”，是吧？”Sayonara.”
85 LW1 Nǐ kāishǐ shì zěnme xuéde? Shì zìjǐ àihǎode? How did you start learning? Just something you’ve got an interest in? 你开始是怎么学的？是自己爱好的？
86 SJ Méiyǒu. Lā wàiguórén tā jiāo gěi wǒ de… jiāo gěi wǒ de. No. Foreigners I picked up just taught me. 没有，拉外国人他教给我的。。教给我的
87 SYZ Wa! Wow! 哇！
88 SJ Hánguóhuà: “annyeonghaseyo” In Korean: “annyeonghaseyo” 韩国话：”annyeonghaseyo”
89 SYZ Amazing, really great. Wāsāi, tài bàng le! 哇塞，太棒了！
90 SJ “Gomapseumnida, annyeonghikaseyo.” Hánguóhuà hǎoxué. Zhōngguó… “Gomapseumnida, annyeonghikaseyo.” Korean is easy to learn. Chinese… “Gomapseumnida, annyeonghikaseyo.” 韩国话好学。中国。。
91 SYZ Hǎoxué? Easy to learn? 好学？
92 LW1 Hánwén hǎoxué, jiùshì tā wénzì… Korean is easy — their writing system… 韩文好学，就是他的文字。。。
93 SJ Tā, Hánguóhuà jiùshi shénmeya? Dōu shì shénme shénme jiù “seumnida” (xiàoshēng) They — in Korean it’s like, it’s all something something “seumnida” [which is a Korean verb ending] (laughing) 他，韩国话就是什么呀，都是什么什么就思密达（笑声）
94 SJ Nǐ, nǐ jìzhu qiánbiānr le jiù “seumnida” You remember the beginning and just “seumnida” 你，你记住前边了就思密达
95 SJ Rìběnhuà ne, dōu shénme shénme “mashida” In Japanese it’s “something something mashida.” 日本话呢，都是什么什么马西达
96 SJ Hánguóhuà nèi bùshì shuō le ma, qián gūlu hòu gūlu, gūlu gūlu “seumnida”. In Korean — guess I said this already — it’s front wheel back wheel wheel wheel “seumnida”. [Mandarin uses gūlù in a way that English might use "blah blah" or a nonsense syllable for language you don't understand.] 韩国话那不是说了吗，前轱辘后轱辘，轱辘轱辘思密达（笑声）
97 SJ Qián gūlu hòu gūlu, gūlu gūlu “seumnida” Front wheel back wheel wheel wheel “seumnida”. 前轱辘后轱辘，轱辘轱辘思密达
98 SJ Rìběn huà ne, qián gūlu bùzhuàn hòu gūlu zhuàn, gūlu gūlu “mashida.” (xiàoshēng) In Japanese, well, the front wheel doesn’t turn, the back wheel turns: wheel wheel “mashida” (laughing) 日本话呢，前轱辘不转后轱辘转，轱辘轱辘马西达（笑声）
99 SJ Tǐnghǎo wánr ba? Pretty fun, huh? 挺好玩吧？
100 SYZ Tǐnghǎo wánr. Really fun. 挺好玩
101 LW1 Tā hái xuéguo zhèige, zhèige… He’s even learned this, this … 他还学过这个，这个
102 SJ Jiù gēn wàiguórén shuō Zhōngguó shì de, nǐhǎo, xièxiè, zàijiàn (xiàoshēng) Just like the way foreigners speak Chinese [singsongy voice]: “nihao, xiexie, zaijian” [hello, thank you, good-bye] (laughing) 就跟外国人说中国似的，你好，谢谢，再见（笑声）
103 SJ Ai, jiùshi jiǎndān de jiùshi wàiguóhuà, nèshíhòu, wàiguórén, wàiguórén nèi “nihao, xiexie, zaijian” Oh, this is just that kind of simple foreign speech. Foreigners go [again singsongy with wrong tones]: “nihao, xiexie, zaijian.” 哎，就是简单的就是外国话，那时候，外国人外国人那你好，谢谢，再见
104 SJ Nǐmen měiguó nèi nǚde jiào, ai, qīn’àide, YES en YES en (xiàoshēng) Your American women say, “Yes dear, yes, uh-huh, Yes, uh-huh.” 你们美国那女的叫，唉，亲爱的，YES，嗯，YES，嗯（笑声）
105 SJ Shìbushi lǎowài nèi nǚde lǎo: enheng, enheng Right? Foreign women are always going “uh-huh, uh-huh” 是不是老外那女的老，嗯哼，嗯哼
106 SJ “Ya!” Déguóhuà, “ya!” Fǎguó “wèi” “Ja!” In German it’s “ja.” In French, “Oui” 呀，德国话，呀，法国，喂
107 SJ Měiguó “YES”, Zhōngguó, “Duì!” In America it’s “yes!” In China, “Right!” 美国，YES，中国，对（笑声）
108 SJ Duì duì duì. Rìběnrén, Rìběnrén jiào “sou sou sou, sou sou sou.” Zhōngguórén jiù “duì duì duì.” — “Hai! Hai! yaoxi” hǎo. “Duì duì duì” [right right right]. The Japanese say “sou sou sou, sou sou sou.” Chinese go “duì duì duì.” — “Hai! Hai! yaoxi[?]” means “good”. 对对对，日本人，日本人叫嗖嗖嗖，嗖嗖嗖，中国人就对对对。嗨，嗨，要西，好，要西
109 LW2 Guǎngdōnghuà ne? How about in Cantonese? 广东话呢？
110 SJ Guǎngdōnghuà a? Guǎngdōnghuà jiùshi jiǎndān de. Cantonese? Cantonese is simple. 广东话啊？广东话就是简单的
111 LW2 Leihou? “Leihou” [Hello in Cantonese -- or should this be an N?!] 你好（广东话）
112 SJ Leihou-a, nǐhǎo-a, xiǎojiě wánrwanr (xiàoshēng) Leihou, nihao, come have some fun with some girls (laughing) 你好啊（广东话），你好啊，小姐玩玩啦（笑声）
113 SJ Guǎngdōnghuà, yǒushíhòu tāmen shuō, yào shuō, jiù tīngbudǒng jiùshi, yàoshuō, dāngdìrén jiù tīngbudǒng le. Cantonese, if they speak, if it’s the locals speaking you won’t understand. 广东话，有时候他们说，要说，就听不懂就是，要说，当地人就听不懂了
114 SYZ Nà, nèige Fú – Then what about the Fu – 那那个。。福——
115 SJ Tā xuéde zhǔyào shì zhǐyǒu wǒmen pǔtōnghuà, hǎoxuéde zhǐyǒu wǒmen pǔtōnghuà. The key thing is that they’ve studied standard Mandarin [pǔtōnghuà = 普通话], the best thing to learn is just standard Mandarin. 他学的主要是只有我们普通话，好学的只有我们普通话
116 SYZ En… bǐrú shuō nèige Fújiànhuà Oh… what about that Fujian [Hokkien, part of Mǐn, 闽 family] language? 嗯。。比如说那个福建话
117 SJ Fújiàn? A, Fújiàn nà nà jiùshi Guǎngdōng nèi yībiānr de, zánmen jiùshi shuō a. Fujian? Oh, Fujian that’s — that’s just like that Cantonese we’re talking about. 福建？啊，福建那那就是广东那一边的，咱们就是说啊
118 SYZ O, chàbuduō Oh, they’re about the same. 哦，差不多
119 SJ Tā yàobu shuō pǔtōnghuà nǐ tīngbudǒng, tā yào shuō dāngdì kǒuyīn… If they don’t speak standard Mandarin you can’t understand. If they speak their local dialect [lit. local "accent" = kǒuyīn = 口音]… 他要不说普通话你听不懂，他要说当地口音。。
120 SJ Hai, Zhōngguó tm 56 gè mínzú ne, gēn Měiguó shì de, nǐmen nàr hǎoduō duōshǎo zhōu ne. Nà dāngdì tm shuōhuà nà dōu shì tīngbudǒng. Nánfāng shuōhuà wǒmen dōu tīngbudǒng. Tāmen shuō dāngdì kǒuyīn. Tā dào Běifāng… Hey, China’s damn 56 ethnicities are like those American, your so many American states. If the locals speak their damn way, then no one can understand. When Southerners speak we can’t understand. They speak with their local accent. When they come to Beijing… 嗨，中国他妈56个民族呢，跟美国似的，你们那儿好多多少多少州呢。那当地他妈说话那都是听不懂，南方说话我们都听不懂，他们说当地口音。他到北方。。。
121 LW1 Jiùshi, yǒushíhòu lián tāmen pǔtōnghuà wǒ yě tīngbudǒng. Jiùshi, (bùqīngchu) kǒuyīn hěn nóng. Right, sometimes even when they speak standard Mandarin I can’t understand. Their accent is really thick. 就是，有时候连他们普通话我也听不懂。就是，（不清楚）口音很浓
122 SJ Tāmen pǔtōnghuà, tā, o, duìduì, o, duìduìduìduì, tāmen shuō ne, tā yě xué pǔtōnghuà. Their standard Mandarin — oh, right, right — when they speak — they’re also learning standard Mandarin. 他普通话，他，哦，对对，哦，对对对对，他说呢，他也学普通话
123 SJ Tā shuō tā yě xué nèige pǔtōnghuà, xiànzài yàobu jiùshi quánguó jiùshi tǒngyī, quánguó nèige, nèige, jiùshi bìxū nèige yāoqiú shuō pǔtōnghuà ma. They speak — they’re also learning standard Mandarin. Now since the whole country is united, the whole country, well, well, everyone just has to — there’s the requirement to learn standard Mandarin. 他说他也学那个普通话，现在要不就是全国就是统一，全国那个那个就是必须那个要求说普通话吗
124 SJ Jiù gēn quán shìjiè shuō yīngyǔ shìde, shuō yīngyǔ, dōu yòng yīngyǔ, bù jiù dàhuǒr dōu néng tīngdedǒng? Shìbushì? It’s just like the whole world speaking English, using English. This way everybody can understand, right? 就跟全世界说英语似的，说英语，都用英语，不就大伙儿都能听得懂？是不是？
125 SJ “Yes” “Yes” YES
126 LW1 Yǐqián bùshì, lǎoyǒu nèixiē hǎibào a? Jiùshi “Shuō hǎo pǔtōnghuà, fāngbiàn nǐ wǒ tā.” For a while didn’t they always have those posters? They were “Speak good standard Mandarin, it’s convenient for everyone.” 以前不是，老有那些海报啊，就是说好普通话，方便你我他
127 SJ A, duìduìduì… Tā nèishì zhǐde shì Zhōngguó, zhěnggè yī Zhōngguó mínzú, wǎng wài quán tōngtōng de yòng — cào Rìběnhuà le tōngtōng de — jiùshi zhěnggè quán yòng pǔtōnghuà, jiù gēn yuánlái Zhōngguó yòng de liángpiàor shìde. Oh, right right. Those are just directing all of China, all of China’s ethnic groups, when speaking to others, to completely use — shit, that’s like the Japanese “completely” — I mean for everyone to use standard Mandarin, just like those food coupons. [Consultant says: tōngtōng is a phrase from Chinese movies in which Japanese soldiers of WWII say lines such as "completely obliterate the population" -- so taxi driver is taken aback by his own usage.] 啊，对对对。。他那是指的是中国，整个一中国的民族，往外全通通的用。。操，通通的了，日本话了，通通的。就是整个全用普通话，就跟原来中国用的粮票似的。
128 SJ Yǒu dìfāng liángpiàor, Běijīngshì liángpiàor, yǒu wàidì liángpiàor, Shànghǎi de, tāmāde, Fújiàn de, nà dāngdì liángpiàor, wánle, tōngtōng yǒu yīgè shì quánguó tōngyòng liángpiàor. There were regional food coupons, Beijing city coupons, there were rural coupons, ones for Shanghai, hell, Fujian ones, and then local coupons, and then overall there was a universal coupon for the entire country. 有地方粮票，北京市粮票，有外地粮票，上海的，他妈的，福建的，那当地粮票，完了，通通有一个是全国通用粮票。
129 SJ Jiùshi nǎr, jiù gēn tm shìjiè tōngyòng yǔ shì yīngyǔ shìde. Just like what — just like the whole damn world’s universal language is English. 就跟哪儿，就跟他妈世界通用语是英语似的
130 LW1 O, duì. Oh, right. 哦，对
131 LW1 Qíshí, tā pǔtōnghuà yě xiànzài yīnggāi shì Zhōngguó dà bùfen de gōngmín dōu dōu huì ba? But really, isn’t standard Mandarin spoken by pretty much all the residents of China now? 其实他普通话也现在应该是中国大部分的公民都都会吧？
132 SJ O, bù, pǔtōnghuà jīběn, o o, xiànzài jīběn dōu, nèi shénme xiànzài niánqīng, xiànzài nèixiē xiǎohár, xiàng gāng shàngxué de, xiàng wài, xiàng wàidì de, dāngdì de, bìxū pǔtōnghuà, bìxū ràng tāmen xué pǔtōnghuà. Oh, uh, standard Mandarin’s fundamentally now — well, all the young people now, all the kids now, like those who just started school, like rural kids — standard Mandarin is required, you have to make them study standard Mandarin. 噢，不，普通话基本，哦哦，现在基本都，那什么现在年轻，现在那些小孩儿，像刚上学的，像外，像外地的，当地的，必须普通话，必须让他们学普通话
133 LW1 Fǎnzhèng yě shì kànzhe diànshì zhǎng dà de, suǒyǐ, xiǎohái kànde dōu shì pǔtōnghuà de jiémù. Anyway, they’re all growing up watching TV, so the kids are all watching programs in Mandarin. 反正也是看着电视长大的，所以，小孩看的都是普通话的节目
134 SJ Xiànzài jiù, xiànzài jīběn jiù yāoqiú pǔtōnghuà. Wǒ huì nèi jǐjù yě jiùshi lā tāmen jiāo gěi wǒ de, ràng tāmen jiāo wǒ jǐ jù. Now — now basically standard Mandarin is required. The reason I can say those few sentences is just from having the people I drive (the foreigners) teach me. 现在就，现在基本就要求普通话。我会那几句也就是拉他们教给我的，让他们教我几句
135 SYZ Duì duì, xuéde… hái zhēn bùcuò… Yeah, you’ve learned it pretty well. 对对，学得。。。还真不错。。
136 LW1 Xuéde (bùqīngchu) hái zhēn bùcuò. You’ve learned it pretty well. 学得（不清楚）还真不错
137 SJ Jiǎndān de jǐ jù, jiǎndān de jǐ jù, yǒu shénme bùcuò ya, jiǎndān de jǐ jù. Really simple stuff, just a few simple sentences — nothing “pretty well” about that — just simple sentences. 简单的几句，简单的几句，有什么不错呀，简单的几句
138 LW1 Jiùshi shuō, jiùshi lián fāyīn yě bùcuò, ránhòu, qíshí yīngyǔ de fāyīn hěn nán. I’m just saying your pronunciation’s pretty good, and actually English pronciation is pretty hard. 就是说，就是连发音也不错，然后，其实英语的发音很难
139 SJ Yīngyǔ? Dōu shuō Yīngyǔ hǎo xué, shuō Hànyǔ bù hǎo xué, bùshì shuō? Shuō Zhōngwén bùhǎo xué, lǎowài dōu shuō. English? They all say English is easy to learn, they say Mandarin is hard to learn, don’t they? They say Chinese is hard to learn, all the foreigners do. 英语？都说英语好学，说汉语不好学，不是说？说中文不好学，老外都说
140 LW1 Qíshí wǒ háishì juéde tǐnghǎo xuéde. Actually I still think it’s pretty easy to learn. 其实我还是觉得挺好学的
141 SJ Zhōngwén hǎo xué? Kěshì yǒu wàiguórén tā yǒude shuō Zhōngwén bù hǎo xué zěnme shuō de? Yīngyǔ hǎo xué. Chinese is easy to learn? But don’t some foreigners say it’s hard to learn? [They say] English is easy to learn. 中文好学？可是有外国人他有的说中文不好学怎么说的？英语好学
142 SJ Tāmen yǒu de shuō Yīngyǔ hǎo xué. Yě bù hǎo xué a? Some of them say English is easy to learn. So it isn’t? 他们有的说英语好学。也不好学啊？
143 LW1 Nà yě bújiànde… Jiùshi zěnme shuō ne, nǐ yàoshi xué Yīngyǔ, nǐ xué yīge, nǐ xué yīge jīchǔ hěn róngyì. Well, not necessarily. It’s just, well how to put it — if you learn English you learn the fundamentals and it’s pretty easy. 那也不见得。。就是怎么说呢，你要是学英语，你学一个，你学一个基础很容易
144 LW1 Jiùshi yīnwèi bìjìng shì yǒu zìmù ma, yǒu hànzì, suǒyǐ nǐ gāng kāishǐ xuéde shíhòu kěnéng gǎnjué hěn róngyì, kěshì nín yòu… Well because after all in subtitles there are Chinese characters, so when you first start studying maybe you think it’s really easy. But then you… 就是因为毕竟是有字幕嘛，有汉字，所以你刚开始学的时候可能感觉很容易，可是您又。。。
145 SJ Wǒmen nèi háizi, wǒmen nèi háizi tm xué Yīngyǔ dōu bùxíng… Our kid — our kid’s English studies are no damn good… 我们那孩子，我们那孩子他妈学英语就不行。。
146 LW1 Shì ma? Really? 是吗
147 SJ A, Yīngyǔ lǎo tm bù guòguān, lián tm sì jí dōu méi guò, cào. Yeah he can’t pass the frickin’ English test, not even the frickin’ fourth level. Shit. 啊，英语老他妈不过关，连他妈4级都没过，操
148 LW1 Shì bùkěn xué le, háishì juéde… Is it that he’s not willing to study, or he thinks… 是不肯学了，还是觉得。。
149 SJ Shéi zhīdào, bù bù, tā xué, tā xué bùhǎo, tā jiù, bùshì dàxué bìxū yǒu sì jí ma? Yǒu sì jí, liù jí, bā jí. Who knows — no, no, he just doesn’t study well, he just — don’t you have to reach level 4 in college? There’s level 4, level 6, level 8. 谁知道，不不，他学，他学不好，他就，不是大学必须有四级吗？有4级6级8级
150 LW1 Zhèi (bùqīngchu) ba, fǎnzhèng yě shì bìxiūkè. Wǒ, wǒ xiǎode shíhòu shàngxué, jiùshi shénme shùxué kè, wǒ dōu bù guòguān. This… well, anyway, it’s a required class. When I was a kid going to school I just couldn’t get through any of the math classes. 这（不清楚）吧，反正也是必修课。我，我小时候上学，就是什么数学课，我都不过关
151 SJ Dōu guòguān? Could get through them all? 都过关？
152 LW1 Dōu bù jígé. Could not pass them. 都不及格
153 SJ O, dōu bù jígé a. Nà, nà xiànzài xiànzài zěnme zěnme, xiànzài nèi nèige suàn zěnmeyàng? Oh, couldn’t pass them, huh. Then, then — does that make any difference now? 哦，都不及格啊。那，那现在现在怎么怎么，现在那那算怎么样？
154 SJ Zhèshì lái Zhōngguó lái Zhōngguó gōngzuò háishì xuéxí de ma? Did you come to China to work or to study? 这是来中国来中国工作还是学习的吗？
155 LW1 Nà wǒ zài Měiguó shàng dàxué ma, shàngwán dàxué jiù, jiù pǎo… Well I was in America for college, right, then when I finished I just came… 那我在美国上大学嘛，上完大学就，就跑。。
156 SJ Nǐ bù jígé(r!) hái néng shàng dàxué ne? You couldn’t pass (math) but you still went to college? 你不及格还能上大学呢？
157 LW1 En… jīběn shàng kěyǐ, kěshì zhèxiē dàxué… Uh, well, basically it’s okay — but these colleges… 哦。。基本上可以，可是这些大学。。。
158 SJ Zhōngguó nèiyàng, Zhōngguó nèi shénme, Zhōngguó nǐ yàoshi bù jígé nǐ nǎr shàngdeliáo tm dàxué ya?! China’s like — in China if you can’t pass how are you ever going to get to go to college? 中国那样，中国那什么，中国你要是不及格你哪上得了他妈大学呀？
159 SJ Nǐ dōu bù jígé nǐ shàng shénme dàxué ya? If you can’t pass what college do you think you’re going to? 你都不及格你上什么大学呀？
160 LW1 Nǐ zhè wèntí jiùshi fǎnzheng shì yīmén bìxiū kè, suǒyǐ bù xǐhuān kěnéng zìjǐ shì tiānshēng méiyǒu zhèige, jiùshi méiyǒu zhèixiē nénglì… Anyway, the issue is still that it’s a required class, so if you don’t like it, or you just aren’t born with it, you don’t have this ability… 你这问题就是反正是一门必修课，所以不喜欢可能自己就是天生没有这一个，就是没有这些能力
161 SJ Yuánlái guòqù Zhōngguó bù zhòngshì nèi yīngyǔ, xiànzài zhòngshì le. In the past China didn’t put emphasis on English. Now they’ve started to emphasize it. 原来过去中国不重视那英语，现在重视了
162 LW1 Duì.
对
163 SJ Yuánlái guòqù dōu bù zhòngshì. In the past, they really didn’t emphasize it. 原来过去都不重视
164 LW1 Jiùshì bā jǐ nián hòu… Just since sometime in the ’80s. 就是八几年后。。
165 SJ ai, jiùshi gǎigékāifàng kāifáng yǐhòu wánle zhòngshì, zhùzhòng nèige xuélì. Right, after the reform and opening up they started emphasizing it, emphasizing this kind of educational background. 哎，就是改革开放以后完了重视，注重英语，注重那个学历
166 SJ Guòqù, guòqù bù zhòng, bù zhòngshì zhège dōu. In the past they didn’t emphasize this. 过去，过去不重，不重视这个都
167 SJ Máo Zédōng nèi niándài bù zhòngshì zhège. In the Mao Zedong era it wasn’t emphasized. 毛泽东那年代不重视这个
168 SJ Máo Zédōng rénjiā, Máo Zédōng niándài jiùshi: rén duō lìliang dà! Mao Zedong, that guy — in the Mao Zedong era it was: “more people more strength!” 毛泽东人家，毛泽东年代就是人多力量大
169 SJ Rén duō lìliang dà, zhīdao zhège yìsi ba? “More people more strength” — you know what that means, right? 人多力量大，知道这个意思吧？
170 LW1 En, zhīdao. Yeah. 嗯，知道
171 SJ Nèi yìsi jiùshi shuō: Nǐ dǎzhàng bù shì? Nǐ yīgè rén, wǒ shíge rén dǎ nǐ yī rénr That’s just a way of saying: let’s say you’re fighting; you’re one guy but I’ve got 10 guys fighting your one guy. 那意思就是说。。你打仗不是？你一人，我十个人打你一人儿
172 SJ Duìbuduì? Yī gēnr kuàizi hǎo juē, yī bǎ kuàizi bù hǎo juē le! (xiàoshēng) Right? One chopstick is easy to break, but it’s not easy to break a handful! (laughing) 对不对？一根筷子好撅，一把筷子你就不好撅了，（笑声）
173 SJ Zhōngguó yǒu de shì rén (xiàoshēng) China has a lot of people (laughing) 中国有的是人（笑声）
174 SJ Dàochù duōshǎo rén, Zhōngguó. People, people everywhere in China. 到处多少人，中国
175 SJ “Sayonara.” O, bùshì! Baibai, baibai… “Sayonara.” Oh, no! Bye-bye, bye-bye… 撒由那拉，哦不是，拜拜，拜拜。。。。
176 SYZ Ha ha. Baibai, xièxie a. Ha ha. Bye-bye. Thanks. 哈哈。。拜拜，谢谢啊
177 SJ Ai, bùkèqi, zàijiàn. Oh, you’re welcome. Good-bye. 哎，不客气再见啊

Translation of colorful language

The aim in the above translation is for a native (American) English style, preserving roughly the same degree of coarseness that one would get from the original language — no more no less.

So what’s the framework for this? If you were showing it to corporate America, maybe the powerpoint would have a graphic like this:

Without repercussions, you could use
(term) in (situation)

Situation a job interview a moderately formal business meeting a casual  conversation with a person you don’t know well, but don’t need to impress a jocular conversation with your buddy, or a fellow politician solitary confinement talking to the prison guard
English terms heck
heavens to Betsy		 hell, frickin’ damn
shit		 fuck
fuck you
motherfucker(?)
fuck yourself		 fuck your mother
Mandarin terms tāmāde/他妈的
cào/操		 càonǐmā/操你妈

Detailed instructions: Use with caution. Try first in an inconspicuous location. Your results may vary [e.g. by context, age, social group, gender, etc.]

Note literal translations…

  • tāmāde / 他妈的 — “his mother’s”
  • cào/操 — “fuck”
  • càonǐmā/操你妈 — “fuck your mother”

… then note tension between literal translation and situational appropriateness.

As the chart shows, in the translation team’s degree-of-coarseness estimation, “fuck” sounds worse in English than a mere “shit”. If you were having this same conversation in Manhattan (OK, in how many ways does that geographical transplantation NOT work? Hard to count, but moving on…), and the taxi driver threw in a “fuck”, you might raise an eyebrow. But in Mandarin the taxi driver’s cào/操 is hardly noteworthy. Thus, “shit.”

Because of this approach, in some places it might look like the English version was cleaned up. For example in line 32 there’s cào/操 as “shit” when it technically means “fuck.”

This is the same sort of argument made on Beijing Sounds back in the days of càonǐmā / 操你妈 as, “motherfucker” vs. “fuck your mother.” Some commenters vehemently disagreed with putting the grammatically incorrect “motherfucker” where the original used a verb, but the editorial position was and is that spelling it out as “fuck your mother” conveys a degree of truculence far beyond that of the Mandarin version.

So what about that tm?

It’s short for tāmāde / 他妈的 which means literally “his mother’s” but is usually rendered as “damn”. As the literal translation shows, it would be nonsensical if you tried that. It’s a pretty mild curse, in some ways, but you still find lots of people who object to it. The shortening to “tm” is purely for phonetic accuracy (at least as much as I can get without resorting to IPA). In other words, it sounds kind of like a mumbled “tm”: so fleeting, in mid-phrase, as to be almost imperceptible — as it was to me in many cases until I got the native Mandarin-speaking consultants cracking on it (no, not PBS — what kind of a business do you think we run here?).

Phonological notes

  • Tune in to that verb — jígé(r!) — in line 156. Someone once proposed that R only shows up on one verb in Mandarin, and that’s wánr/玩儿 (I swear I remember this but can’t find the reference now). If there really is some R action going on there, it could be the first ever wild recording of a rhoticized verb beyond wánr. [Update: but, alas, it's probably just Syz's bad grammatical analysis. See comments for refutation. False alarm -- sorry, folks.]
  • Check out the zhòngshì in 161-167. Talk about consonant elision. The /sh/ is utterly obliterated and you get only something like a syllabic R as remainder.
  • The Zhonglish team did manage to find one speech error for LW1: the “nár xuěde” [should be "nǎr xuéde"] of line 65. But other than that, just how good is LW1’s Mandarin? My partner-in-crime on this transcription said he assumed LW1 was a native speaker, just with a bit of an accent from somewhere not Beijing. But indeed: he is a legitimate Zhonglish speaker, a title you can earn only by starting your Mandarin acquisition after puberty.
  • Could the driver be learning his Spanish from Chinese characters, or at least memorizing it that way? This wouldn’t be unprecedented. His “adios” (line 76) sounds suspiciously like “àodí yàoshi / 奥迪钥匙” — Audi keys.

Language notes

  • As tempting as the “hang the wall on the gun” line is, the Beijing Sounds truth-in-language-reporting bureau does not have enough information to confirm or deny the (line 51) rumor that Pinggu dialect does not differentiate first and second tones.
  • However, there’s no doubt that Pinggu and Yanqing dialect speakers report that they have their own accent and distinct vocabulary that is not used in Beijing. Cab drivers from these areas are happy to discuss if you ask.

Cultural notes

  • Dashan 1 — if you’re in China, you need no explanation. It’s universally acknowledged that every Zhonglish speaker in China has been compared to Dashan at some point, usually unfavorably. Per the Dashan laughter in line 12, it’s like claiming not to know who Clint Eastwood is. Dashan is that famous.
  • Dashan 2 — Big foreigner butts? (line 17） I’ll wait for Dashan himself to weigh in on whether that’s a standard laugh line in taxis. But the driver’s story does help put you in Dashan’s shoes for a second: What’s it like to be recognized by every taxi driver not just in the city but in all of China? I’ve barely been here long enough to be recognized by the local cab drivers outside our apartment complex, but even that’s disconcerting. One day you get into a cab with your daughter, taking her to school, and the driver says, as you slide into the backseat: “You’re going to be going to the 16th street elementary school, right?” Foreigner (paranoid): “Uh, yeah, how did you know?” Driver: “I’ve taken her and her mother there before. Your wife — she works on 8th St., right? That building just behind the traffic barrier? Has her own company there, right?” After that, you don’t have much to say and you feel like your butt really might be too big to hide in Beijing. Maybe you should come up with a few laugh lines yourself.
  • Line 174 takes a morsel of poetic license — the original lament has no Rime of the Ancient Mariner flavor to it at all. But the tone of the comment is something you hear all the time: too many people in China. You might think, hey, it’s a densely populated place, let’s all just get used to it already. Maybe. Nevertheless, the sentiment is there.
  • According to Adam Schokora, the 思密达 (sīmìdá) heard in line 93-97 has quite a bit of currency online, or at least did a few months ago when he wrote this post. I don’t know anything about that, but having negotiated my most recent lease with our Korean landlord using Mandarin as our common (poorly spoken) tongue, I can attest without hesitation that “seumnida” was an integral part of his speech in Mandarin — so it must be a habit that’s hard to break. [Incidentally, then, what would you call Korean-tinged second-language Mandarin? Zhonglish has the disadvantage of being English-morpheme dependent. Zhonggugeo?] [UPDATE 1/8/10: Chinasmack has a new seumnida-related post -- it lives on]

Translation notes

  • All corrections and suggestions appreciated, as always, especially with foreign languages whose spellings, romanizations or translations were botched.
  • Does English offer something better than “regular guys” for lǎobǎixìng in line 32? Joe Sixpacs?
  • Is there a better translation of wàidì (外地) in 128 and 132? “Rural” was all I could come up with.
  • In line 139, it feels odd to use “Chinese” in the translation of both Hànyǔ/汉语 and Zhōngwén/中文. The latter is usually considered more like formal, written Chinese, but I’m not sure the driver is really making such a distinction in this case.

Production notes

  • Yes, the sneak preview was back in September, a rushed production that was widely panned by the critics. To quote commenter hsknotes: “It seems pretty rough … long way to go to fix both scripts.” The marketing department is confident (have you ever met one that wasn’t?) that the final director’s cut presented above will exceed even our investors’ lofty expectations.
  • Total time from concept to release is six months nearly to the day, a record even by the glacial production standards the company normally adheres to.
  • Actual performer identities are theirs to claim if they’d like the notoriety. No naming names if it’s not your own. Please see our privacy policy for details.
1 SJ Pǔtōnghuà shuōde bùcuò Your Mandarin’s not bad 普通话说得不错
2 LW1 Hái còuhe Passable. 还凑合
3 SJ Nǐ něiguóde? What country are you from? 你哪国的？
4 LW1 Měiguó de America 美国的
5 SJ Měiguó de a. Oh, America. 美国的啊。
6 SJ Pǔtōng wèir hái kěyǐ a That standard pronunciation’s pretty good. 你说的这味儿还可以啊
7 LW1 Zài Běijīng dāide shíjiān cháng Been in Beijing for a long time 在北京呆的时间长
8 SJ Dāi de shíjiān cháng? Kuài qī nián le? Stayed here for a long time? Almost seven years? 呆的时间长了？快7年了？
9 SJ Dà Shān shuōde cái zhèng ne, wèir cái zhèng ne. Dà Shān wèir shuōde zhèng. The way Dashan [Canadian Mark Rowswell] speaks, now *that* is proper pronunciation. Dashan has a really proper accent. 大山说的才正呢，味儿才正呢。大山味儿说的正。
10 SJ Tā nèige yě shì yīge Zhōngguó tōng. Zhīdào Dà Shān ma? Jiānádà nèige. That guy’s a real China hand. You know Dashan? That Canadian? 他那个是一个中国通。知道大山吗？加拿大那个。
11 SYZ Bùzhīdào. Shì shéi? No, who is he? 不知道。是谁？
12 SJ [xiào] Nǐ de Zhōngguóhuà shuōde hái kěyǐ. [laughing] Your Chinese is really okay. 【笑】你的中国话说的还可以。
13 SJ Nèi huí wǒ lāguò yīhuí Dà Shān. I picked up Dashan once. 那回我拉过一回大山。
14 LW1 Shì ma? Really? 是吗？
15 SJ Wǒ yī kàn tā shànglái, wǒ shuō āiyōu “nǐ shì Dà Shān ma?” Tā shuō, “Nǐ rènde wǒ a?” Wǒ shuō, “nà kěbushì ma!” As soon as I see him get in I say wow “are you Dashan?” He says, “You recognize me?” I say, “Well how couldn’t I!” 我一看他上来，我说哎呦“你是大山吗？”他说“你认得我啊？”我说“那可不是嘛！”
16 SJ Wǒ shuō nǐ tm zhǎo wàiguórén duō hǎo a. Wǒ shuō wàiguórén yào nǎr yǒu nǎr. Nǐ fēiděi tm zhǎo Zhōngguórén. Tā shuō wǒ xǐhuān dōng — Zhōngguó nǚde, jiùshi shòuxiǎo. I say why the hell didn’t you get yourself a foreigner (for a wife). I said foreigners have what you want where you want it. What the hell do you insist on a Chinese for? He says I like eastern — Chinese women, small and thin. 我说你他妈找外国人多好啊，我说外国人要哪儿有哪儿。你非得他妈的找中国人。他说我喜欢东，中国女的，就是瘦小。
17 SJ Tā shuō wǒ xǐhuān Zhōngguó nǚde. Tā shuō, gēmenr, nǐ bùzhīdào: wàiguórén pìgu tài dà. [xiào] He says “I like Chinese women.” He says, “Man, you have no idea: foreigners’ butts are too big.” [laughing] 他说我喜欢中国女的。他说哥们儿，你不知道：外国人屁股太大。【笑】
18 SJ Tā gēn wǒ shuōde, [bùqīngchu] wàiguórén pìgu tài dà. He says to me, [unclear] foreigners’ butts are too big. 他跟我说的【不清楚】外国人屁股太大。
19 LW1 Yángrén hěn sè. Westerners are pretty oversexed. 洋人很色。
20 SJ Zhǎole yīgè Zhōngguó xífur. Nà háiyòng shuō ya? Shéi tāmāde bù sè?! Got himself a Chinese wife. [responding to comment] What kind of talk is that? Who the hell’s not oversexed?! 找了一个中国媳妇儿。那还用说呀？谁他妈的不色呀？
21 LW1 Tā hái zhù zài zhèibian? Does he still live around here? 他还住在这边？
22 SJ Wǒ shuō nǐ méi shuō xiāngshēng a? Tā shuō méiyǒu, xiànzài zuò mǎimài ne. I say, “You’re not doing crosstalk?” He says no, now he’s doing business. 我说你没说相声啊？他说没有，现在做买卖呢 。
23 SJ Tǐng yǒu yìsi. Tā bù jiù zài nà diànshì lǐ, shì ba, diànshì guǎnggào. Diànshì – Really interesting. He’s really always on TV, right, TV ads, TV — 做生意呢。他不就在那电视里，在那儿，是吧，电视广告。电视——
24 SJ diànshì lǐ tā lǎo jiāo yīngyǔ, on TV he’s always teaching English, 电视里他老教英语，
25 LW1 a shì ma? oh really? 啊是吗？
26 SJ qì chē nèi guǎnggào [bùqīngchu] doing those car advertisements [unclear] 汽车那广告，不就是净，净【不清楚】
27 SJ Zhè shì Zhōngguórén zhīdao. Wàiguórén bìng bùrènshi tā. Chinese know about him. Foreigners don’t recognize him at all. 这是中国人知道。外国人并不认识他。
28 SYZ Bìng bù rènshì tā! They really don’t! 并不认识他
29 SJ Zhè shì nǐmen Zhōngguóren — zhè shì nǐmen wàiguórén zài Zhōngguó, a, nà shéi shuō nà shéi bù cuò… nǐmen zhīdao. You Chinese — I mean, you foreigners in China — well, who’s to say who’s hot and who’s not. 这是你们中国人，这是你们外国人在中国，啊啊，那谁说那谁不错。。你们知道
30 SJ Nǐ yào wèn Jiānādàrén, tā bùzhīdào. Tā shuō shéi shì Dàshān? Shéi jiào Dàshān, bùzhīdào. If you ask Canadians, they don’t know him. They’ll say, “who’s Dashan?” They have no idea who Dashan is. 你要问加拿大人，他不知道。他说谁是大山？谁叫大山，不知道。
31 SJ

32 SJ Zhōngguórén jiǎrú yǒu yīge zài Měiguó tè yǒu míngr, shéi tm bùzhīdào a. Zánmen lǎobǎixìng shéi zhīdào! Cào. For Chinese, if there’s a Chinese in America who’s really famous — who the hell knows’em? We regular guys have no idea! Shit. 就跟中国人，假如有一个在美国特有名儿，谁他妈知道啊。老百姓谁知道！操。
33 SJ Nà nǐ kàn nǐmen Měiguórén zài Zhōngguó yě tè nèi nèige shénmede, rénjiā Měiguórén bùzhīdào a. Shéi ràng nǐ zài Zhōngguó tm nème niú. [xiào] Then there’s you Americans in China, also some kind of special… — [know things that] other Americans don’t know. Who told you to get so goddamn hip in China? [laughing] 那你看你们美国人在中国也特那那个什么的，人家美国人不知道啊。谁让你在中国他妈那么牛？【笑】
34 SJ Tīngdedǒng a? Dōu tīngdedǒng a? Dōu shuōde tǐng bùcuò le. Zhōngguó huà dōu shuōde hěnhǎo. You understand [what I'm saying]? You understand everything? Really not bad, you all really speak Chinese pretty well. 听的懂啊？都听的懂啊？都说得挺不错的。中国话都说得很好。
35 LW1 Zài Zhōngguó dāide shíjiān cháng le. Been in China for a long time. 在中国呆的时间长了。
36 SJ A dāide shíjiān chángle. Oh, been here a long time. 啊，呆的时间长了。
37 SJ Wǒ shì zhèngjīng(r) Běijīngrén, chénglǐde. I’m a proper Beijinger, from the city itself. 我是正经（儿）北京人，城里的。
38 LW1 a — chénglǐde Uh-huh 啊——城里的
39 SJ Wǒ shì chénglǐ rén. I’m from the city center. 我是城里人。
40 SYZ wei — chūzūchē nèige – But — taxi, uh — 喂，出租车那个——
41 SJ Hǎo duō chūzū dōu shì yuǎnjiāoqū nóngmín, dōu shì yuǎnjiāoqū ma. A lot of taxi [drivers] are farmers from the outer districts — they’re all from outer districts. 好多出租都是远郊区农民，都是远郊区嘛。
42 SJ Wǒ shuō huà wèir zhèng, méiyǒu kǒuyīn, zhīdào ba. Tāmen yǒu de shuō huà yǒu kǒuyīn, wǒ méi kǒuyīn. I speak the language with an authentic flavor, no accent you know. They speak with an accent; I don’t have an accent. 我说话味儿正，没有口音，知道吧 ？他们有的说话有口音，我没口音。
43 SJ duì, Mìyún, Yánqìng, Pínggǔ de — tā shuō huà zhèi wèir gēn wǒmen wèir bùyíyàng. Right, these Miyun, Yanqing, Pinggu [all distant districts that are still technically "Beijing"] folks — the flavor of their accent’s not the same as ours. 对，密云、延庆、平谷的，他说话这味儿跟我们味儿不一样。
44 LW1 Shì ma? Bù zhèng. Really? Not standard. 是吗？不正。
45 SJ Ā duì duì duì, wèir wèir wèir bù neme — Běijīnghuà wèir bù neme zhèng Right, right, right — the flavor’s not that — the Beijing dialect flavor’s not that standard. 啊对对对，味儿味儿味儿不那么——北京话味儿不那么正。
46 SJ Hái jiǎrú shuō ba: “hē tāng”, shìba? Huòzhe shuō: “lái wǎn tāng”. Take the phrase “eat soup [tāng]” for example. Or “bring me a bowl of soup.” 咱假如说吧：“喝汤”，是吧？或者说：“来碗汤”
47 SJ Tāmen Pīnggǔde jiùshi, a, Yánqìngde, tā jiǎnghuà: “chéng táng a! chéng táng a!” These Pinggu or Yanqing folks, they say: “serve me some sugar!” [táng is "sugar" as opposed to tāng, which is "soup"] 他们平谷的就是，啊，延庆的，他讲话：“盛汤táng啊！盛汤táng啊！”
48 SJ Nèi yìsi jiùshi “chéng wǎn tāng”. Tā guǎn “tāng” jiù jiào “táng”, shuō “chéng táng a!” jiùshi “chéngtáng” jiùshi “chéng wǎn tāng”! They really mean “serve me some soup”. They call it “sugar” instead of “soup”. They say “serve me some sugar, serve sugar!” which is supposed to be “serve a bowl of soup”! 那意思就是“盛碗汤”。他管“汤”就叫“táng”，说“盛汤táng啊！”就是“盛汤táng”就是“盛碗汤”
49 LW1 Jiùshi shēngdiào dōu biàn le. So really the tone completely changes. 就是声调都变了
50 SJ A, duì duì — wèir — bùshì — tā de wèir dōu biànle. “Chéng táng a?” Tā nème ge yīn. Yeah, exactly — the flavor, uh, his accent changes it. “Serve sugar?” He has this kind of pronunciation. 啊对对——味儿——不是——他的味儿都变了。“盛汤啊？”他那么个音。
51 SJ Pínggǔ shuōhuà shénme ya? Tā yīshēng yīnfu gen èrshēng yīnfu bù fēn What does a Pinggu speaker say? They can’t distinguish a first tone from a second tone. 平谷说话什么呀？他一声音符跟二声音符不分
52 SJ Yīshēngyīn zán — jiǎrú shénme ya — shénme nèige, yīshēngyīn, èrshēngyīn, sānshēngyīn, sìshēngyīn First tone — for example — well, first tone, second tone, third tone, fourth tone — 一声音咱，假如什么呀，什么那个，一声音，二声音，三声音，四声音——
53 SJ Jiǎrú shì ba, jiù gēn nèi Zhōngguó de “zhōng” zì a — zhōng, zhóng, zhǒng zhòng — tā yīshēngyīn gēn èrshēngyīn tā bù fēn. like, think about the Chinese character zhōng — zhōng, zhóng, zhǒng zhòng — they can’t differentiate the first and second tones. 假如是吧，就跟那中国的中字啊——zhōng, zhóng, zhǒng zhòng——他一声音跟二声音他不分。
54 SJ Wǒmen chénglǐrén jiù shuō: “bǎ qiāng guà qiáng shàng.” We city people might say: “hang the gun [qiāng] on the wall [qiáng].” 我们城里人就说：“把枪挂墙上“，就把枪啊挂墙上。
55 SJ Tā wèir ne jiù biàn le. Tā bǎ qiáng guà qiáng shang — tā bǎ qiáng guà qiāng shang. In their accent it changes. They hang the wall [qiáng] on the gun [qiāng] — they hang the wall on the gun. 他味儿呢就变了。他把墙挂枪上——他把墙挂枪上。
56 SJ Nèi yìsi jiùshì — tā wèir tā jiù chūlái le. Nà, nèi yìsi jiùshi Pínggǔ wèir, shìbushì, zánmen chénglǐrén shuō “ei bǎ qiāng guà qiáng shang.” That means — their accent just comes out like this. Then, well that’s just the Pinggu accent, you know, we city folks say “hey, hang the gun on the wall.” 那意思就是——他味儿它就出来了。那，那意思就是平谷味儿，是不是，咱们城里人说：“诶，把枪挂墙上”。
57 SJ Bǎ zhèi qiāng a, náshǒu qiāng(r) guà qiáng shang. Tā ne jiùshi bǎ qiáng guà qiāng shang! Tā liǎng yīn bù fēn. “Take this gun in your hand and hang it on the wall.” But they go: “hang the wall on the gun!” They don’t distinguish the two sounds. 把这枪啊，拿手枪（儿）挂墙上。他呢就是把墙挂枪上！他俩音不分。
58 SJ Zhèi wèir dōu chūlái le [xiào] The accent comes out like this [laughing] 这味儿就出来了【笑】
59 SJ Jiùshi yǒu yīdiǎnr yìsi [xiào] It’s all just for fun [laughing] 他听着有点儿意思【笑】
60 SJ O(r)K OK OK
61 LW1 O-le Okay [using it as it's borrowed into Mandarin] O 了
62 SJ Ei — “hola” nǐhǎo, Xībānyá Hey, “hola” is “nihao” in Spanish… 诶——“hola” 你好，西班牙
63 LW1 A duì: “hola” Oh, right, “hola.” 啊对：hola
64 SJ “hola” nǐhǎo Xībānyá “hola” — “nihao” in Spanish. “hola” 你好，西班牙
65 LW1 Nár xuěde? Where did you learn it? 哪儿学的？
66 SJ A? Huh? 啊？
67 LW1 Jiùshi shénme shíhòu xuéde shì qùnián … àoyùnhuì? I mean, when did you learn it? Last year … the olympics? 就是什么时候学的？是去年…奥运会？
68 SJ Àoyùnhuì? Àoyùnhuì bùxué zhèige? Àoyùn yào xué Yīngyǔ. The Olympics? For the Olympics we didn’t study this we studied English. 奥运会？奥运会不学这个，奥运会要学英语。
69 SJ [Yīngyǔ] [speaking English] Hello, do you want a taxi? Where are you going? 【英语】
70 SYZ Zhēn bùcuò ba! Really not bad! 真不错吧！
71 SJ [Yīngyǔ] Nǐ yào qù nǎr? [Yīngyǔ] Where are you going? [then translates into Mandarin] Thank you very much. How are you. 【英语】“你要去哪儿”【英语】
72 SYZ Háiyǒu shénme? What else do you have? 还有什么？
73 LW1 Ránhòu zhèi zhèi Xībānyáyǔ ne? Then what about that Spanish? 然后这这西班牙语呢？
74 SJ Xībānyá zhèi jǐ jù: “hola” nǐhǎo “gracias” xièxie “adios” báibái — zàijiàn. Spanish just a few phrases: “hola”, hello; “gracias”, thanks; “adios”, bye-bye. 西班牙就几句：”hola” 你好 “gracias” 谢谢 “adios” 拜拜，再见。
75 SJ “adios”, duì ba? “Adios”, right? Adios, 对吧
76 LW1 adios adios adios
77 SJ AdiosDéguóhuà shì “Guten Tag” “Adios” In German there’s “Guten Tag” Adios德国话是（”Guten Tag”）
78 SYZ Wà, wà, tài… Wow, that’s really… 哇！哇！太。。。
79 SJ “Danke” xièxie, “Tschüss” báibái, “Tschüss” zàijiàn. “Danke” thanks, “Tschüss” bye-bye, “Tschüss” good-bye. “单克”谢谢，“具思”拜拜，“具思”再见
80 SYZ Zhēn lìhai! Awesome! 真厉害！
81 SJ Déguóhuà shìbushì? “Bitte” bùkèqì, fǎguó shì, “Salut!” nǐhǎo, “Bonjour, où vas tu? Bonjour” nǐhǎo, “Bonjour, où vas tu?” nǐhǎo qù nǎr, “Merci” xièxie. In German, right? “Bitte” is “you’re welcome”. In French there’s “Salut!” — hello. “Bonjour, où vas tu? Bonjour” — hello, where are you going? “Merci” — thank you. 德国话是不是？比特”Bitte”不客气，法国是，撒率”Salut!”你好，”Bonjour, où vas tu? Bonjour”你好”Bonjour, où vas tu?”你好，去哪儿？”Merci” 谢谢！
82 SJ Ng, “Au revoir” [ōuwàng] báibái, “ōuwàng” zàijiàn. Uh, “Au revoir” bye-bye, “au revoir” good-bye. 嗯，欧旺拜拜，欧旺，法语
83 LW2 Háiyǒu shénme yǔyán a? Any other languages? 还有什么语呀？
84 SJ Rìběnhuà: “konnichiwa, arigato gozaimasu” Shì ba? “Sayonara.” Japanese: “konnichiwa, arigato gozaimasu” Right? “Sayonara.” 日本话，”konnichiwa, arigato gozaimasu”，是吧？”Sayonara.”
85 LW1 Nǐ kāishǐ shì zěnme xuéde? Shì zìjǐ àihǎode? How did you start learning? Just something you’ve got an interest in? 你开始是怎么学的？是自己爱好的？
86 SJ Méiyǒu. Lā wàiguórén tā jiāo gěi wǒ de… jiāo gěi wǒ de. No. Foreigners I picked up just taught me. 没有，拉外国人他教给我的。。教给我的
87 SYZ Wa! Wow! 哇！
88 SJ Hánguóhuà: “annyeonghaseyo” In Korean: “annyeonghaseyo” 韩国话：”annyeonghaseyo”
89 SYZ Amazing, really great. Wāsāi, tài bàng le! 哇塞，太棒了！
90 SJ “Gomapseumnida, annyeonghikaseyo.” Hánguóhuà hǎoxué. Zhōngguó… “Gomapseumnida, annyeonghikaseyo.” Korean is easy to learn. Chinese… “Gomapseumnida, annyeonghikaseyo.” 韩国话好学。中国。。
91 SYZ Hǎoxué? Easy to learn? 好学？
92 LW1 Hánwén hǎoxué, jiùshì tā wénzì… Korean is easy — their writing system… 韩文好学，就是他的文字。。。
93 SJ Tā, Hánguóhuà jiùshi shénmeya? Dōu shì shénme shénme jiù “seumnida” (xiàoshēng) They — in Korean it’s like, it’s all something something “seumnida” [which is a Korean verb ending] (laughing) 他，韩国话就是什么呀，都是什么什么就思密达（笑声）
94 SJ Nǐ, nǐ jìzhu qiánbiānr le jiù “seumnida” You remember the beginning and just “seumnida” 你，你记住前边了就思密达
95 SJ Rìběnhuà ne, dōu shénme shénme “mashida” In Japanese it’s “something something mashida.” 日本话呢，都是什么什么马西达
96 SJ Hánguóhuà nèi bùshì shuō le ma, qián gūlu hòu gūlu, gūlu gūlu “seumnida”. In Korean — guess I said this already — it’s front wheel back wheel wheel wheel “seumnida”. [Mandarin uses gūlù in a way that English might use "blah blah" or a nonsense syllable for language you don't understand.] 韩国话那不是说了吗，前轱辘后轱辘，轱辘轱辘思密达（笑声）
97 SJ Qián gūlu hòu gūlu, gūlu gūlu “seumnida” Front wheel back wheel wheel wheel “seumnida”. 前轱辘后轱辘，轱辘轱辘思密达
98 SJ Rìběn huà ne, qián gūlu bùzhuàn hòu gūlu zhuàn, gūlu gūlu “mashida.” (xiàoshēng) In Japanese, well, the front wheel doesn’t turn, the back wheel turns: wheel wheel “mashida” (laughing) 日本话呢，前轱辘不转后轱辘转，轱辘轱辘马西达（笑声）
99 SJ Tǐnghǎo wánr ba? Pretty fun, huh? 挺好玩吧？
100 SYZ Tǐnghǎo wánr. Really fun. 挺好玩
101 LW1 Tā hái xuéguo zhèige, zhèige… He’s even learned this, this … 他还学过这个，这个
102 SJ Jiù gēn wàiguórén shuō Zhōngguó shì de, nǐhǎo, xièxiè, zàijiàn (xiàoshēng) Just like the way foreigners speak Chinese [singsongy voice]: “nihao, xiexie, zaijian” [hello, thank you, good-bye] (laughing) 就跟外国人说中国似的，你好，谢谢，再见（笑声）
103 SJ Ai, jiùshi jiǎndān de jiùshi wàiguóhuà, nèshíhòu, wàiguórén, wàiguórén nèi “nihao, xiexie, zaijian” Oh, this is just that kind of simple foreign speech. Foreigners go [again singsongy with wrong tones]: “nihao, xiexie, zaijian.” 哎，就是简单的就是外国话，那时候，外国人外国人那你好，谢谢，再见
104 SJ Nǐmen měiguó nèi nǚde jiào, ai, qīn’àide, YES en YES en (xiàoshēng) Your American women say, “Yes dear, yes, uh-huh, Yes, uh-huh.” 你们美国那女的叫，唉，亲爱的，YES，嗯，YES，嗯（笑声）
105 SJ Shìbushi lǎowài nèi nǚde lǎo: enheng, enheng Right? Foreign women are always going “uh-huh, uh-huh” 是不是老外那女的老，嗯哼，嗯哼
106 SJ “Ya!” Déguóhuà, “ya!” Fǎguó “wèi” “Ja!” In German it’s “ja.” In French, “Oui” 呀，德国话，呀，法国，喂
107 SJ Měiguó “YES”, Zhōngguó, “Duì!” In America it’s “yes!” In China, “Right!” 美国，YES，中国，对（笑声）
108 SJ Duì duì duì. Rìběnrén, Rìběnrén jiào “sou sou sou, sou sou sou.” Zhōngguórén jiù “duì duì duì.” — “Hai! Hai! yaoxi” hǎo. “Duì duì duì” [right right right]. The Japanese say “sou sou sou, sou sou sou.” Chinese go “duì duì duì.” — “Hai! Hai! yaoxi[?]” means “good”. 对对对，日本人，日本人叫嗖嗖嗖，嗖嗖嗖，中国人就对对对。嗨，嗨，要西，好，要西
109 LW2 Guǎngdōnghuà ne? How about in Cantonese? 广东话呢？
110 SJ Guǎngdōnghuà a? Guǎngdōnghuà jiùshi jiǎndān de. Cantonese? Cantonese is simple. 广东话啊？广东话就是简单的
111 LW2 Leihou? “Leihou” [Hello in Cantonese -- or should this be an N?!] 你好（广东话）
112 SJ Leihou-a, nǐhǎo-a, xiǎojiě wánrwanr (xiàoshēng) Leihou, nihao, come have some fun with some girls (laughing) 你好啊（广东话），你好啊，小姐玩玩啦（笑声）
113 SJ Guǎngdōnghuà, yǒushíhòu tāmen shuō, yào shuō, jiù tīngbudǒng jiùshi, yàoshuō, dāngdìrén jiù tīngbudǒng le. Cantonese, if they speak, if it’s the locals speaking you won’t understand. 广东话，有时候他们说，要说，就听不懂就是，要说，当地人就听不懂了
114 SYZ Nà, nèige Fú – Then what about the Fu – 那那个。。福——
115 SJ Tā xuéde zhǔyào shì zhǐyǒu wǒmen pǔtōnghuà, hǎoxuéde zhǐyǒu wǒmen pǔtōnghuà. The key thing is that they’ve studied standard Mandarin [pǔtōnghuà = 普通话], the best thing to learn is just standard Mandarin. 他学的主要是只有我们普通话，好学的只有我们普通话
116 SYZ En… bǐrú shuō nèige Fújiànhuà Oh… what about that Fujian [Hokkien, part of Mǐn, 闽 family] language? 嗯。。比如说那个福建话
117 SJ Fújiàn? A, Fújiàn nà nà jiùshi Guǎngdōng nèi yībiānr de, zánmen jiùshi shuō a. Fujian? Oh, Fujian that’s — that’s just like that Cantonese we’re talking about. 福建？啊，福建那那就是广东那一边的，咱们就是说啊
118 SYZ O, chàbuduō Oh, they’re about the same. 哦，差不多
119 SJ Tā yàobu shuō pǔtōnghuà nǐ tīngbudǒng, tā yào shuō dāngdì kǒuyīn… If they don’t speak standard Mandarin you can’t understand. If they speak their local dialect [lit. local "accent" = kǒuyīn = 口音]… 他要不说普通话你听不懂，他要说当地口音。。
120 SJ Hai, Zhōngguó tm 56 gè mínzú ne, gēn Měiguó shì de, nǐmen nàr hǎoduō duōshǎo zhōu ne. Nà dāngdì tm shuōhuà nà dōu shì tīngbudǒng. Nánfāng shuōhuà wǒmen dōu tīngbudǒng. Tāmen shuō dāngdì kǒuyīn. Tā dào Běifāng… Hey, China’s damn 56 ethnicities are like those American, your so many American states. If the locals speak their damn way, then no one can understand. When Southerners speak we can’t understand. They speak with their local accent. When they come to Beijing… 嗨，中国他妈56个民族呢，跟美国似的，你们那儿好多多少多少州呢。那当地他妈说话那都是听不懂，南方说话我们都听不懂，他们说当地口音。他到北方。。。
121 LW1 Jiùshi, yǒushíhòu lián tāmen pǔtōnghuà wǒ yě tīngbudǒng. Jiùshi, (bùqīngchu) kǒuyīn hěn nóng. Right, sometimes even when they speak standard Mandarin I can’t understand. Their accent is really thick. 就是，有时候连他们普通话我也听不懂。就是，（不清楚）口音很浓
122 SJ Tāmen pǔtōnghuà, tā, o, duìduì, o, duìduìduìduì, tāmen shuō ne, tā yě xué pǔtōnghuà. Their standard Mandarin — oh, right, right — when they speak — they’re also learning standard Mandarin. 他普通话，他，哦，对对，哦，对对对对，他说呢，他也学普通话
123 SJ Tā shuō tā yě xué nèige pǔtōnghuà, xiànzài yàobu jiùshi quánguó jiùshi tǒngyī, quánguó nèige, nèige, jiùshi bìxū nèige yāoqiú shuō pǔtōnghuà ma. They speak — they’re also learning standard Mandarin. Now since the whole country is united, the whole country, well, well, everyone just has to — there’s the requirement to learn standard Mandarin. 他说他也学那个普通话，现在要不就是全国就是统一，全国那个那个就是必须那个要求说普通话吗
124 SJ Jiù gēn quán shìjiè shuō yīngyǔ shìde, shuō yīngyǔ, dōu yòng yīngyǔ, bù jiù dàhuǒr dōu néng tīngdedǒng? Shìbushì? It’s just like the whole world speaking English, using English. This way everybody can understand, right? 就跟全世界说英语似的，说英语，都用英语，不就大伙儿都能听得懂？是不是？
125 SJ “Yes” “Yes” YES
126 LW1 Yǐqián bùshì, lǎoyǒu nèixiē hǎibào a? Jiùshi “Shuō hǎo pǔtōnghuà, fāngbiàn nǐ wǒ tā.” For a while didn’t they always have those posters? They were “Speak good standard Mandarin, it’s convenient for everyone.” 以前不是，老有那些海报啊，就是说好普通话，方便你我他
127 SJ A, duìduìduì… Tā nèishì zhǐde shì Zhōngguó, zhěnggè yī Zhōngguó mínzú, wǎng wài quán tōngtōng de yòng — cào Rìběnhuà le tōngtōng de — jiùshi zhěnggè quán yòng pǔtōnghuà, jiù gēn yuánlái Zhōngguó yòng de liángpiàor shìde. Oh, right right. Those are just directing all of China, all of China’s ethnic groups, when speaking to others, to completely use — shit, that’s like the Japanese “completely” — I mean for everyone to use standard Mandarin, just like those food coupons. [Consultant says: tōngtōng is a phrase from Chinese movies in which Japanese soldiers of WWII say lines such as "completely obliterate the population" -- so taxi driver is taken aback by his own usage.] 啊，对对对。。他那是指的是中国，整个一中国的民族，往外全通通的用。。操，通通的了，日本话了，通通的。就是整个全用普通话，就跟原来中国用的粮票似的。
128 SJ Yǒu dìfāng liángpiàor, Běijīngshì liángpiàor, yǒu wàidì liángpiàor, Shànghǎi de, tāmāde, Fújiàn de, nà dāngdì liángpiàor, wánle, tōngtōng yǒu yīgè shì quánguó tōngyòng liángpiàor. There were regional food coupons, Beijing city coupons, there were rural coupons, ones for Shanghai, hell, Fujian ones, and then local coupons, and then overall there was a universal coupon for the entire country. 有地方粮票，北京市粮票，有外地粮票，上海的，他妈的，福建的，那当地粮票，完了，通通有一个是全国通用粮票。
129 SJ Jiùshi nǎr, jiù gēn tm shìjiè tōngyòng yǔ shì yīngyǔ shìde. Just like what — just like the whole damn world’s universal language is English. 就跟哪儿，就跟他妈世界通用语是英语似的
130 LW1 O, duì. Oh, right. 哦，对
131 LW1 Qíshí, tā pǔtōnghuà yě xiànzài yīnggāi shì Zhōngguó dà bùfen de gōngmín dōu dōu huì ba? But really, isn’t standard Mandarin spoken by pretty much all the residents of China now? 其实他普通话也现在应该是中国大部分的公民都都会吧？
132 SJ O, bù, pǔtōnghuà jīběn, o o, xiànzài jīběn dōu, nèi shénme xiànzài niánqīng, xiànzài nèixiē xiǎohár, xiàng gāng shàngxué de, xiàng wài, xiàng wàidì de, dāngdì de, bìxū pǔtōnghuà, bìxū ràng tāmen xué pǔtōnghuà. Oh, uh, standard Mandarin’s fundamentally now — well, all the young people now, all the kids now, like those who just started school, like rural kids — standard Mandarin is required, you have to make them study standard Mandarin. 噢，不，普通话基本，哦哦，现在基本都，那什么现在年轻，现在那些小孩儿，像刚上学的，像外，像外地的，当地的，必须普通话，必须让他们学普通话
133 LW1 Fǎnzhèng yě shì kànzhe diànshì zhǎng dà de, suǒyǐ, xiǎohái kànde dōu shì pǔtōnghuà de jiémù. Anyway, they’re all growing up watching TV, so the kids are all watching programs in Mandarin. 反正也是看着电视长大的，所以，小孩看的都是普通话的节目
134 SJ Xiànzài jiù, xiànzài jīběn jiù yāoqiú pǔtōnghuà. Wǒ huì nèi jǐjù yě jiùshi lā tāmen jiāo gěi wǒ de, ràng tāmen jiāo wǒ jǐ jù. Now — now basically standard Mandarin is required. The reason I can say those few sentences is just from having the people I drive (the foreigners) teach me. 现在就，现在基本就要求普通话。我会那几句也就是拉他们教给我的，让他们教我几句
135 SYZ Duì duì, xuéde… hái zhēn bùcuò… Yeah, you’ve learned it pretty well. 对对，学得。。。还真不错。。
136 LW1 Xuéde (bùqīngchu) hái zhēn bùcuò. You’ve learned it pretty well. 学得（不清楚）还真不错
137 SJ Jiǎndān de jǐ jù, jiǎndān de jǐ jù, yǒu shénme bùcuò ya, jiǎndān de jǐ jù. Really simple stuff, just a few simple sentences — nothing “pretty well” about that — just simple sentences. 简单的几句，简单的几句，有什么不错呀，简单的几句
138 LW1 Jiùshi shuō, jiùshi lián fāyīn yě bùcuò, ránhòu, qíshí yīngyǔ de fāyīn hěn nán. I’m just saying your pronunciation’s pretty good, and actually English pronciation is pretty hard. 就是说，就是连发音也不错，然后，其实英语的发音很难
139 SJ Yīngyǔ? Dōu shuō Yīngyǔ hǎo xué, shuō Hànyǔ bù hǎo xué, bùshì shuō? Shuō Zhōngwén bùhǎo xué, lǎowài dōu shuō. English? They all say English is easy to learn, they say Mandarin is hard to learn, don’t they? They say Chinese is hard to learn, all the foreigners do. 英语？都说英语好学，说汉语不好学，不是说？说中文不好学，老外都说
140 LW1 Qíshí wǒ háishì juéde tǐnghǎo xuéde. Actually I still think it’s pretty easy to learn. 其实我还是觉得挺好学的
141 SJ Zhōngwén hǎo xué? Kěshì yǒu wàiguórén tā yǒude shuō Zhōngwén bù hǎo xué zěnme shuō de? Yīngyǔ hǎo xué. Chinese is easy to learn? But don’t some foreigners say it’s hard to learn? [They say] English is easy to learn. 中文好学？可是有外国人他有的说中文不好学怎么说的？英语好学
142 SJ Tāmen yǒu de shuō Yīngyǔ hǎo xué. Yě bù hǎo xué a? Some of them say English is easy to learn. So it isn’t? 他们有的说英语好学。也不好学啊？
143 LW1 Nà yě bújiànde… Jiùshi zěnme shuō ne, nǐ yàoshi xué Yīngyǔ, nǐ xué yīge, nǐ xué yīge jīchǔ hěn róngyì. Well, not necessarily. It’s just, well how to put it — if you learn English you learn the fundamentals and it’s pretty easy. 那也不见得。。就是怎么说呢，你要是学英语，你学一个，你学一个基础很容易
144 LW1 Jiùshi yīnwèi bìjìng shì yǒu zìmù ma, yǒu hànzì, suǒyǐ nǐ gāng kāishǐ xuéde shíhòu kěnéng gǎnjué hěn róngyì, kěshì nín yòu… Well because after all in subtitles there are Chinese characters, so when you first start studying maybe you think it’s really easy. But then you… 就是因为毕竟是有字幕嘛，有汉字，所以你刚开始学的时候可能感觉很容易，可是您又。。。
145 SJ Wǒmen nèi háizi, wǒmen nèi háizi tm xué Yīngyǔ dōu bùxíng… Our kid — our kid’s English studies are no damn good… 我们那孩子，我们那孩子他妈学英语就不行。。
146 LW1 Shì ma? Really? 是吗
147 SJ A, Yīngyǔ lǎo tm bù guòguān, lián tm sì jí dōu méi guò, cào. Yeah he can’t pass the frickin’ English test, not even the frickin’ fourth level. Shit. 啊，英语老他妈不过关，连他妈4级都没过，操
148 LW1 Shì bùkěn xué le, háishì juéde… Is it that he’s not willing to study, or he thinks… 是不肯学了，还是觉得。。
149 SJ Shéi zhīdào, bù bù, tā xué, tā xué bùhǎo, tā jiù, bùshì dàxué bìxū yǒu sì jí ma? Yǒu sì jí, liù jí, bā jí. Who knows — no, no, he just doesn’t study well, he just — don’t you have to reach level 4 in college? There’s level 4, level 6, level 8. 谁知道，不不，他学，他学不好，他就，不是大学必须有四级吗？有4级6级8级
150 LW1 Zhèi (bùqīngchu) ba, fǎnzhèng yě shì bìxiūkè. Wǒ, wǒ xiǎode shíhòu shàngxué, jiùshi shénme shùxué kè, wǒ dōu bù guòguān. This… well, anyway, it’s a required class. When I was a kid going to school I just couldn’t get through any of the math classes. 这（不清楚）吧，反正也是必修课。我，我小时候上学，就是什么数学课，我都不过关
151 SJ Dōu guòguān? Could get through them all? 都过关？
152 LW1 Dōu bù jígé. Could not pass them. 都不及格
153 SJ O, dōu bù jígé a. Nà, nà xiànzài xiànzài zěnme zěnme, xiànzài nèi nèige suàn zěnmeyàng? Oh, couldn’t pass them, huh. Then, then — does that make any difference now? 哦，都不及格啊。那，那现在现在怎么怎么，现在那那算怎么样？
154 SJ Zhèshì lái Zhōngguó lái Zhōngguó gōngzuò háishì xuéxí de ma? Did you come to China to work or to study? 这是来中国来中国工作还是学习的吗？
155 LW1 Nà wǒ zài Měiguó shàng dàxué ma, shàngwán dàxué jiù, jiù pǎo… Well I was in America for college, right, then when I finished I just came… 那我在美国上大学嘛，上完大学就，就跑。。
156 SJ Nǐ bù jígé(r!) hái néng shàng dàxué ne? You couldn’t pass (math) but you still went to college? 你不及格还能上大学呢？
157 LW1 En… jīběn shàng kěyǐ, kěshì zhèxiē dàxué… Uh, well, basically it’s okay — but these colleges… 哦。。基本上可以，可是这些大学。。。
158 SJ Zhōngguó nèiyàng, Zhōngguó nèi shénme, Zhōngguó nǐ yàoshi bù jígé nǐ nǎr shàngdeliáo tm dàxué ya?! China’s like — in China if you can’t pass how are you ever going to get to go to college? 中国那样，中国那什么，中国你要是不及格你哪上得了他妈大学呀？
159 SJ Nǐ dōu bù jígé nǐ shàng shénme dàxué ya? If you can’t pass what college do you think you’re going to? 你都不及格你上什么大学呀？
160 LW1 Nǐ zhè wèntí jiùshi fǎnzheng shì yīmén bìxiū kè, suǒyǐ bù xǐhuān kěnéng zìjǐ shì tiānshēng méiyǒu zhèige, jiùshi méiyǒu zhèixiē nénglì… Anyway, the issue is still that it’s a required class, so if you don’t like it, or you just aren’t born with it, you don’t have this ability… 你这问题就是反正是一门必修课，所以不喜欢可能自己就是天生没有这一个，就是没有这些能力
161 SJ Yuánlái guòqù Zhōngguó bù zhòngshì nèi yīngyǔ, xiànzài zhòngshì le. In the past China didn’t put emphasis on English. Now they’ve started to emphasize it. 原来过去中国不重视那英语，现在重视了
162 LW1 Duì.
对
163 SJ Yuánlái guòqù dōu bù zhòngshì. In the past, they really didn’t emphasize it. 原来过去都不重视
164 LW1 Jiùshì bā jǐ nián hòu… Just since sometime in the ’80s. 就是八几年后。。
165 SJ ai, jiùshi gǎigékāifàng kāifáng yǐhòu wánle zhòngshì, zhùzhòng nèige xuélì. Right, after the reform and opening up they started emphasizing it, emphasizing this kind of educational background. 哎，就是改革开放以后完了重视，注重英语，注重那个学历
166 SJ Guòqù, guòqù bù zhòng, bù zhòngshì zhège dōu. In the past they didn’t emphasize this. 过去，过去不重，不重视这个都
167 SJ Máo Zédōng nèi niándài bù zhòngshì zhège. In the Mao Zedong era it wasn’t emphasized. 毛泽东那年代不重视这个
168 SJ Máo Zédōng rénjiā, Máo Zédōng niándài jiùshi: rén duō lìliang dà! Mao Zedong, that guy — in the Mao Zedong era it was: “more people more strength!” 毛泽东人家，毛泽东年代就是人多力量大
169 SJ Rén duō lìliang dà, zhīdao zhège yìsi ba? “More people more strength” — you know what that means, right? 人多力量大，知道这个意思吧？
170 LW1 En, zhīdao. Yeah. 嗯，知道
171 SJ Nèi yìsi jiùshi shuō: Nǐ dǎzhàng bù shì? Nǐ yīgè rén, wǒ shíge rén dǎ nǐ yī rénr That’s just a way of saying: let’s say you’re fighting; you’re one guy but I’ve got 10 guys fighting your one guy. 那意思就是说。。你打仗不是？你一人，我十个人打你一人儿
172 SJ Duìbuduì? Yī gēnr kuàizi hǎo juē, yī bǎ kuàizi bù hǎo juē le! (xiàoshēng) Right? One chopstick is easy to break, but it’s not easy to break a handful! (laughing) 对不对？一根筷子好撅，一把筷子你就不好撅了，（笑声）
173 SJ Zhōngguó yǒu de shì rén (xiàoshēng) China has a lot of people (laughing) 中国有的是人（笑声）
174 SJ Dàochù duōshǎo rén, Zhōngguó. People, people everywhere in China. 到处多少人，中国
175 SJ “Sayonara.” O, bùshì! Baibai, baibai… “Sayonara.” Oh, no! Bye-bye, bye-bye… 撒由那拉，哦不是，拜拜，拜拜。。。。
176 SYZ Ha ha. Baibai, xièxie a. Ha ha. Bye-bye. Thanks. 哈哈。。拜拜，谢谢啊
177 SJ Ai, bùkèqi, zàijiàn. Oh, you’re welcome. Good-bye. 哎，不客气再见啊

Comments 19

  1. chriswaugh_bj wrote:

    那司机说的延庆话才不正！

    Posted 06 Jan 2010 at 3:46 pm
  2. syz wrote:

    Chris Waugh — Ha. I seem to recall you’ve got relatives in 延庆, so we’ll take your word for it. I’m not really surprised. As a general rule it seems like people do the least well with the accents closest to (but perceptibly different from) their own. They think “those people talk funny” then make up stories to amuse themselves. Of course your comment is also a clever way of stating the more general observation, that the whole “I’ve got no accent” thing is wrong from the get-go.

    Posted 06 Jan 2010 at 5:19 pm
  3. Karan Misra wrote:

    Totally awesome! I was actually laughing out loud at the “思密达” part. And, incidentally, thanks to my interest in 響聲 and some YouTube videos, I /did/ know who 大山 was. :-)

    Anyway, as for 及格, I believe it’s a Verb+Object construction meaning “to reach the standard/level/passing grade”, so it would not count as adding 兒 to a verb. Incidentally, 格兒 on its own is also a noun meaning a pattern, if my memory serves me right.

    Posted 06 Jan 2010 at 5:30 pm
  4. Randy Alexander wrote:

    Today I went to take my 九项 driver’s test, and while I was waiting to get my electronic fingerprints taken, the officers were shooting the bull with me:

    O1: Wow, your Chinese is really good! How long have you been here?

    Me: Seven years.

    O1: The foreigner with the best Chinese is 大山!

    O2: Yeah, he can even do tongue twisters!

    Posted 06 Jan 2010 at 6:35 pm
  5. Randy Alexander wrote:

    Also, seconding Karen on 及格. 现代汉语词典 even marks it as 及//格 (a verb + object that you can insert things into: 及这学校的格).

    Posted 06 Jan 2010 at 7:49 pm
  6. syz wrote:

    Karan & Randy, thanks for the 及格 correction. I’ve annotated the breathless and spurious claims in the main text.

    Posted 07 Jan 2010 at 5:48 am
  7. Kellen Parker wrote:

    Dang, Syz. Don’t I feel like a slacker after all that.

    I love the bit about tōngtōngde and the Japanese. That he says it, catches it, comments and recants is oddly interesting to me.

    I wonder if sayonara was a joke. I say that because it’s possible he became comfortable enough in the Mandarin (such that tōngtōngde came up) that when we went searching for the goodbye, his brain misfired and he came out with the wrong one. There wasn’t the premeditated hesitation in his voice that you find when those kinds of things are a deliberate joke.

    Slightly off topic: In my 古代漢語 studies I’ve been coming across 操 as meaning 拿, which it does. Oddly my three roomates all saw it and were like “Woah. Why is 肏 in your books?”. Apparently they’ve been so accustomed to 操 as 肏 that they temporarily forgot its meaning as 拿. I noticed you used 操 as well. I wonder (for people in general, not you specifically) if it’s based on habit, as most people use 操 for 肏, or if the use of 操 is somehow less vulgar, an equivalent of using the asterisked f*ck in place of fuck.

    Posted 07 Jan 2010 at 9:35 am
  8. syz wrote:

    Kellen, I had the feeling the sayonara was a joke. I’m glad you bring up the 肏 vs. 操 question. I’ve come down on both sides in the past. First one then the other. A few weeks ago I was talking about it with a friend and she was surprised that my IME would type it (I think lots of them do now, but in the past it wasn’t even an option for many, from what I hear). Then she said that she thought of 肏 as kind of weirdly literary. So at that point I decided just to go with 操. One fact is clear: 肏 is incredibly uncommon in google search results. But it’s hard to do just a count comparison because 操 has all sorts of non-curse uses.

    Posted 07 Jan 2010 at 10:48 am
  9. Kellen Parker wrote:

    Which is why I wonder if it’s just become the norm to use 操 as 肏 to the point that most people aren’t really aware of 肏. When I first learned about it as a character, I recall friends of mine (locals, obviously) not really knowing of its existence any more than I previously had. Of course that may have been an indication that I wasn’t hanging out with the most well-read group either.

    For what it’s worth, I still like the dog poop idea and would happily be a regular contributor, given the chance.

    Posted 07 Jan 2010 at 12:08 pm
  10. Kellen Parker wrote:

    sorry if “locals” came across poorly. i didn’t mean it in any negative sense.

    Posted 07 Jan 2010 at 12:12 pm
  11. Duncan wrote:

    This is a great post and a huge amount of work must have gone into it – hats off to the faceless Beijing Sounds Studios corporation.

    It’s weird, I had always assumed that the ‘gulu’ is not 轱辘 as in wheel but the onomatopoeiac 咕噜 from 叽里咕噜 which is used as a substitute for people talking in a language/tone of voice that the listener cannot comprehend. That said, the driver himself refers to the gulu turning so he must have meant wheel?

    So either he’s confused the usage, they are interchangeable, or I’m just wrong, huh?

    Posted 10 Jan 2010 at 10:54 pm
  12. Duncan wrote:

    oops. better add that i think 咕噜 can be used as onomatopoeia for something rolling along too, so the driver is catching both meanings in his metaphor?

    Posted 10 Jan 2010 at 10:56 pm
  13. syz wrote:

    叽里咕噜! I meant to bring that up then forgot. My guess is that this is another one of the (myriad) times when the written language makes a formal distinction that is much less black-and-white or even non-existent in the spoken language (along the lines of 他，她，它 etc.) At least the driver is clearly playing with the two senses: the “clickety-clack” onomatopoeia and the “wheel” meaning.

    Posted 11 Jan 2010 at 5:59 am
  14. Albert wrote:

    I’ll just admit this right now, I haven’t made it all the way through yet, but I love it so far.

    Quick question:

    Line 57: might :”náshǒu qiāng(r)” be “ná shǒuqiāng(r)” rendering the translation, “take this pistol/hand gun” rather than “take this gun in your hand”?

    Posted 16 Jan 2010 at 7:11 am
  15. Embla wrote:

    According to my husband, who is from Pinggu, it’s not that they don’t differentiate between the first and second tones, but that they often switch what should be in the first tone to the second tone.

    Posted 02 Feb 2010 at 3:54 am
  16. syz wrote:

    @Albert — pay no attention to the fact that you wrote this comment two weeks ago and I am just now responding. Absolutely right: “náshǒu qiāng” wouldn’t make any grammatical sense. I’ll fix it in the text now, thanks.

    @Embla — Excellent to hear from a real Pinggu informant! So if the Pinggu trend is consistent, we’d end up with “hang the wall on the wall.” Are there any classic Pinggu jokes around that particular habit? I’ll buy the two of you coffee if you ever want to meet for a recording session!

    Posted 02 Feb 2010 at 7:20 am
  17. China wrote:

    This got me pretty confused by now. I encountered lots of disappearing first tones while travelling through Qingdao…

    Love the post though. Keep it up!

    Posted 20 Feb 2010 at 5:56 am
  18. chris wrote:

    What an herculaneic effort you put in transscribing all of that.
    外地人:i would use out-of-towners for following reason:
    it preserves the original wai-di in some way, outside place
    The other reason is that even if you are from shanghai or chengdu when you are not 北京人you are 外地 and vice versa, rural to me seems a little too much city-country, while 外地人actually and very gently leaves that in the middle, if they are more blunt they speak of 农民 ， farmers/country folk and that does focus on the rural/agricultural side of things, in these two instances however it is difficult to ascertain what he means with 外地，he most probably means everybody who is not from beijing in a general sense.
    老百姓：commoners? Common folk? the general populace? the average joe? these all could do but your regular guys is pretty good, no need for changes there I think

    Posted 23 Feb 2010 at 5:54 pm
  19. syz wrote:

    Out-of-towners is cool! I love the literal translation of the Out part as well. The only problematic part for me (AmE) is the connotation of temporariness — like a visit rather than a long-term stay. Maybe it reminds me of having guests, too, which wouldn’t necessarily work as a 外地人 translation. Still, a damn good idea.

    Posted 24 Feb 2010 at 7:58 pm